16 year old new driver - need constructive advice please
So my SD16 got her license this summer. She is with us every other week. BM ranted that no teenager without a job, etc. should not get a car and my husband agreed. We had initially considered buying a third car for our house but did not in any circumstance want it to be at BMs house. So, everyone was in agreement. Since she has been allowed to use one of our cars, she has driven through the neighbor's front yard twice; taken it and returned it with 0 gas during a hurricane; drove through water after the hurricane causing extensive damage to electrical; failed to negotiate a right hand turn and blew out a tire requiring a tow, and finally, rear- ended someone "because she didn't see him stopped" ------- probably because she was texting..... Anyway all of this happened since September. So she is 100% grounded from ever driving at our house. So guess who shows up with a car borrowed from her mom at our house .... Now BM is blowing up my husband's emails chastising HIM as to why can't she get her a car and why she couldn't she keep a car when she is with us to get to her commitments? My husband said absolutely not and she can figure out how to get her to her sports practices (which mom signed her up for which are an hour away from our house against my husband's wishes. We can't get her there even if we wanted to given the time and the fact we work.) Our thoughts are we don't want her to kill herself in a car or anyone else for that matter. If her mom wants her to drive (by the way, allowing her to drive on the highway which here involves going 85 or you are considered standing still), we certainly don't want the liability with their cars at our house when she is under our control! Pretending she would in fact grow up, get a job, work etc....how do you all handle cars and teenage drivers ?
Well, I was lucky, SD did not
Well, I was lucky, SD did not get her license until she was 21. She stopped coming for visitation at 15/16, anyway.
I absolutely would not have allowed her to drive while we were responsible for her. Especially with cell phones and texting.
Driving is a priviledge not a
Driving is a priviledge not a right. SD needs to make it happen on her own since she ruined it at your house. SD can carpool to sports, parents can pay the driver gas money for the shuttle service.
Same with SD. She has to
Same with SD. She has to have a job and help with insurance and pay for her gas.
She got a job last summer at McDonalds, was doing well. She started calling off weekend to have fun with friends and she felt she shouldn't have to work weekends so she quit.
BM took her to get her license the next week, w/o consulting DSO, who has 100% custody but they don't follow CO much. DSO told SD that she had to have a job bc he couldn't afford the insurance.
BM has a 30yo car that she just got legal and gave to SD to drive. According to BM, adding a second car to her policy and insuring a 16yo new driver is only costing 85/month and BM is paying for it. I don't believe it and feel BM didn't add SD as the driver. BM is single so SD would have to be the primary driver. I see this as going bad quickly and it costing DSO a lot of money, but i could be wrong and it work out OK.
This type of thing is why I won't marry DSO until all skids are 18. I own a house, have a gov't job and I'll be damned if I'm losing anything bc of his kids.
Given SD's abysmal driving
Given SD's abysmal driving record in the last couple of months, I am surprised that BM can afford the insurance.
I know that when I inquired about adding a car to our policy for my older SD that my insurance would have gone up for ALL my vehicles since they considered that she she would have access to drive any and all vehicles on my policy. Even though she didn't live with us.. yikes!
So, a separate policy was obtained for just her and her dad (who's name the car was in) at her grandparent's address where she was living at the time.
In this particular situation and at the present time, I would tell BM that DH didn't want SD bringing a vehicle to his home. It shouldn't be any liability on you or your policy (if BM owns the car and holds insurance for it) but I can see that asking her to leave the car at mom's might be in order.
I suppose that if the car is allowed to be brought to your house, there could be some kind of requirement of having a hands free phone option.. or text disabling while driving option.. and only allowing the girl to use the car for trips directly to and from practices.
Even with her early mishaps, it's possible that she will improve. I ran into someone within 30 days of getting my license... I was merging and though the people in front of me had gone and was turned back looking for an opening and accelerated as I turned around.. they only moved just out of my peripheral vision and I did 1500 of damage to my 1500 car :(. So.. it CAN happen.. even without texting etc... But, I would expect over time, she might be able to show that she is being responsible and being allowed to earn back her privilege.
What are any of you
What are any of you thinking??? She is a brand new driver! Of course she had all those accidents - someone gave her keys! All she did was pass a test to get a license. That means she knows road rules. Experience is a whole different thing. You all set her up for all those accidents and poor judgment calls. You're all to blame for that. Dig deep for a little common sense!
You are absolutely correct that a 16-year-old should not have open access to a car. There's a reason teens pay higher insurance - they have no experience with hurricanes and right turns! Lazy ass BM should drive her or tell the kid she needs to sign up for sports LESS THAN AN HOUR AWAY. My god, it's ridiculous to sign up for activities so far away. Just tell her "NO."
I've been to lots of accident scenes. I saw a car of six teens splattered all over the highway - all dead because the parents thought they were experienced enough to drive themselves to a movie on an icy night...maybe the parents just didn't want to be bothered to get off their asses to drive them, or maybe their spoiled kids were never told "No, you can't go tonight." If BM doesn't want to drive her, that's fair - but then BM must tell her "No." That kid sounds spoiled as all get out. Hearing "no" would probably be a good thing.
A few months ago she didn't have a license. Handle her the same way you did then until she has at least a few years' driving experience under her belt.
I don't know the laws in your
I don't know the laws in your state, but in California both parents are responsible for any accidents the minor caused. Do you realize that your DH can be sued and loose everything, all because SD is not pay attention to the road? I know a family that lost everything because their daughter was an idiot and they thought she was a great driver, 16 yrs old and killed one and injured two others. Insurance only covers so much.
As a responsible parent your DH needs to go to the DMV office and revoke his signature on her license. Sure BM will go ballistic, but it will save you from loosing everything that you and your DH have worked for.
My DH refused to buy SDthen16
My DH refused to buy SDthen16 a car when both BioHo AND SD insisted on it. Bahahahahaaaaa!!! SD ended up buying her own car (just like DH had to) when she turned 19. PrincASS18 passed drivers education but refused to get his license. That totally chapped 'Ho's arse because she could not force him to play chauffeur to PigPen and Spawn. PigPen is only 15 but already owns a car ('Ho allowed it). Naturally, it's parked in OUR garage and PP and DH work on it. PP is already bored with the car and wants a new one. SMH
So many kids these days have zero/little appreciation for things.
For us, the kids
For us, the kids driving/having a car, is a matter of self-presavation! Especially if they do ANY activity out side of school hours. The skids each had their own money to get a car (a small trust that their BB left each of them from his life insurance),DH told MY DS & DD, that whatever money they saved up, that we'd match. And we'd get them back and forth for any job.
Also, in CA. they are not allowed to drive with any other minors in the car for the first 3 mos? (or 6, it's been a while) unless it's a family member and a parent writes a note stating a "family need". so kidding!
The rules were 1) You best not leave the house (in the car ) with out permission.
2) If you're late for class due to screwing off, ( 1st period, or whatever was after lunch)
I take the keys.
3) We'll put just enough gas in it to get back and fourth to school, if you don't have enough for the week, you're riding the bus.
4) I reserve the right to revoke driving privilage, if in the morning if I believe the road condition ( too much snow or ice) is too hazardous. Or anyother time I see fit.
5) And you will be able to drive a stick shift to my satisfaction before you can take the road test. You may use the automatic for the test, but you will KNOW how to drive a 5 speed! And know the operation of the 4X4.
DS played football so on fridays when he had away games, he road the bus to school with a note (to be counter signed by a school admin, and coach, to make it legal to drive after midnight) I would drive his car 4mi to the park n ride,(dh would follow me) the bus dropped him off on the way back then he drove home.
I couldn't wait for DD to get her license, she had an early morning church class m-th before school,plus she was at all football games too, she took all the videos of the games.
For away games, they didn't get back to between Midnight and 2am. The high school is 21 miles away. (Think Rancho Tehema, they have more people than we do, yes the school shooting, and the Helena Fire, we're in that area ) so it's not like we have public transportation. Ridesharing is not much of an option, students are so spred out , HS gets kids from 7 elementry schools, each years class is 85-95 students. I had liability well above the required, it just went up by $ 8- $ 10 a month.
For us,as long as a kid isn't a selfish, irresponsible ,selfcentered brat, it actually ends up being cheaper than running back and fourth ourselves, by a long shot.
I know a lot of you are going to think I'm crazy, and I'm say this should be the norm, but some us need them to drive for our own sanity. If we found out about anything out of line,the keys are gone. Believe me, it being such a small town,they had a LOT of eye's on them!
For us, the kids
For us, the kids driving/having a car, is a matter of self-presavation! Especially if they do ANY activity out side of school hours. The skids each had their own money to get a car (a small trust that their BB left each of them from his life insurance),DH told MY DS & DD, that whatever money they saved up, that we'd match. And we'd get them back and forth for any job.
Also, in CA. they are not allowed to drive with any other minors in the car for the first 3 mos? (or 6, it's been a while) unless it's a family member and a parent writes a note stating a "family need". so kidding!
The rules were 1) You best not leave the house (in the car ) with out permission.
2) If you're late for class due to screwing off, ( 1st period, or whatever was after lunch)
I take the keys.
3) We'll put just enough gas in it to get back and fourth to school, if you don't have enough for the week, you're riding the bus.
4) I reserve the right to revoke driving privilage, if in the morning if I believe the road condition ( too much snow or ice) is too hazardous. Or anyother time I see fit.
5) And you will be able to drive a stick shift to my satisfaction before you can take the road test. You may use the automatic for the test, but you will KNOW how to drive a 5 speed! And know the operation of the 4X4.
DS played football so on fridays when he had away games, he road the bus to school with a note (to be counter signed by a school admin, and coach, to make it legal to drive after midnight) I would drive his car 4mi to the park n ride,(dh would follow me) the bus dropped him off on the way back then he drove home.
I couldn't wait for DD to get her license, she had an early morning church class m-th before school,plus she was at all football games too, she took all the videos of the games.
For away games, they didn't get back to between Midnight and 2am. The high school is 21 miles away. (Think Rancho Tehema, they have more people than we do, yes the school shooting, and the Helena Fire, we're in that area ) so it's not like we have public transportation. Ridesharing is not much of an option, students are so spred out , HS gets kids from 7 elementry schools, each years class is 85-95 students. I had liability well above the required, it just went up by $ 8- $ 10 a month.
For us,as long as a kid isn't a selfish, irresponsible ,selfcentered brat, it actually ends up being cheaper than running back and fourth ourselves, by a long shot.
I know a lot of you are going to think I'm crazy, and I'm say this should be the norm, but some us need them to drive for our own sanity. If we found out about anything out of line,the keys are gone. Believe me, it being such a small town,they had a LOT of eye's on them!
StepRightOff, that's
StepRightOff, that's awesome!! When I was in Driver's Ed a hundred years ago, my Dad took me out every weekend. THE best piece of advice he gave me is "Always expect the other drivers to do the WRONG thing." I cannot tell you how many times that advice kept me OUT of an accident!!