ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Check Out

So yesterday DH calls me at work, he got stuck behind some crazy accident on his way home and in no way was gonna make it to get SD8 in time from school, so can I run and grab her? (I work like a mile from he school)

No big deal, I have a meeting in a half hour though, so she’ll have to be checked out a few minutes early if I’m getting her. Also not a big deal, I was added as an approved person near the end of the school year last year when she registered for this year. So I talk to my boss, promise to be back for the meeting and go. I get there and they let me in the school totally fine, fill out all the paperwork, they ask for my name. And then I get “you’re not on the approved list.” WTF?!?! I was literally right there when DH registered her... I was literally the first one on the approved list since we had them then 3/4 or more of the time and now full time. Anyways, they go check their paper files, still not on the list. Then they’re all “well we could call her mom maybe? Or dad?” I tell them to call dad because mom isn’t even around anymore. They apologize and call him an he asks why I’m not on and he gets bs about “well she never was.” Like what? DH is gonna go fix it today, but being thefull time parent and not even being able to grab SD8 because who even knows what happens, while I was running SUPER short on time because of my meeting was frustrating. Like I know part of being a stepparent means I have no legal rights. I’m mostly just confused as to why I’m not on the d*** list... Cuz that means either a clerical error, or I was intentionally removed. I doubt the clerical error, so wtf people?

Anyways SD8 ran into te office yelling my name and threw herself at me and the lady said “oh... She does like you... We just didn’t know.” Idk what that even means... but I said thanks then we rushed back so she could hang in my office during my meeting (Also I checked her out at the start of cleanup time, so I feel bad she wasn’t helping, but I’m glad she don’t miss anything big!)


AshMar654's picture

My SO use to go through this

My SO use to go through this all the time with his son. They had to fill out paperwork every year so his parents could pick up SS. It is a complicated mess. I think I am on the approved list at least that is what we filled out.

I have not had to pick SS up from school yet so I have no idea. My SO can sympathize. There were times when the school could not get a hold of SO when they called to make sure his parents could pick him up. It was such a mess. Hope it goes better next time.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I was on the approved list

I was on the approved list when he registered her. His mom and the ex's dad are both still on there, I just magically am not... I was there when the paperwork was filled out. So I'm more just frustrated about the whole situation lol.

I'm sure it'll go better next time since DH is fixing it today, I just wonder what the heck happened, it was such a mess, like he picks her up nearly every day and normally she doesn't get checked out, so it hasn't been an issue, but if I can't come check her out we have a problem, I'm the one closest to her and I should (I say should because who even knows) be listed as an emergency contact.

AshMar654's picture

Sometimes the offices at

Sometimes the offices at these schools are just not organized and kind of ridiculous. SO would put his parents down every year and he had times that they would not show up on the list. They all had the same last name and it is not a common name.

I think they just enter the information they only want to themselves. LOL who knows what they do. I do not know why it is so hard to read paperwork.

nengooseus's picture

We've had problem after

We've had problem after problem with Skid schools.

Our BM wants DH to disappear, so she simply omits his information from things, and since DH doesn't actually get an information from the schools directly (except e-mails), he doesn't find out until much later.

On top of that, SS's school has a b*itch of a school secretary who likes to make her own rules, and has removed DH, has put SS's stepdad as bio dad, and other issues, too. It's been so bad that DH has had to talk with the principal about the lady. SD's school has a b*tch secretary, too, who made it difficult for DH, but who was nicer to me. Even still, I'm pretty sure that both kids' contact information is jacked up.

The ultimate irony is that I have no problem picking skids up because my last name matches theirs. Because ultimately, we're a sexist society and everyone assumes that I birthed them because we have the same last name. (DD looks a lot like me, so no one even checks for her!)

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I have the same last name too

I have the same last name too lol. But the ex told them she does (she changed her name back), so they went all... Well we only have a *insert name here.* This is part of why I keep telling DH he needs to get the custody order official and get it with the school, then they don't mistakenly think she actually has the Skids ever. I'm disliking this school though.. NOt allowed Halloween costumes, there was something else too lol... Trying to convince us SD8 was disabled while at the exact same time telling us how stellar she's doing in the exact same topic (mixed signals....) and now this lol.

twoviewpoints's picture

Usually, in a situation where

Usually, in a situation where your home has supposed custody, BM would not be able to change anything as she would not be considered custodial for school time. It may be a an entry burp. Meaning while the paper work may have been filled out, the info was never entered into the computer.

Normally, Dad taking in the custodial papers would clear this up and school would not allow BM to change info, but being what Dad has is a non-filed hand written(?) 'until I pull myself together' agreement mutually signed , well, that might be questioned.

Dad really needs to get a proper CO showing custody. Not long ago when the GMa was coming to town and wanting to have the kids during her time in town, BM may have called the school to inquire about kids perhaps being excused for a day or two. If she showed the original CO with her having custody it would be 'proof' as far as school is concerned.

Bright side, at least it wasn't DH in the accident and you made it back for your meeting .

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Both those bright sides are

Both those bright sides are true! So thank goodness!

Also that's always possible, the issue now is I think DH thinks if he files they'll have pity on dear preggo BM. *gag* Getting him to file for something we unofficially do anyways it like pulling hens teeth. We don't receive a penny from her, so it's not like we'd have to push CS, just make sure messes like this don't happen and the Skids are actually safe. That piece of paper is the bane of my existence, lol. Both great we have proof she picked to walk away, but also really dumb because all it can be used for is proof, the legalities mean squat, unless you ask my MIL, then apparently it's totally legal, because a nurse is apparently a lawyer? Gah! The good news is though, I mentioned filing and he sat there and said "I guess I really am gonna have to..." Also the paper is hand-written by BM.

Also fun fact about GMa being in town, the ex showed up one day for a few hours and then showed up long enough to grab them from GMa and ditch them with us again... So much quality time spent right there. Shocked

Amcc13's picture

Yeh you were removed. Based

Yeh you were removed. Based on the comment the secretary made you were totally and utterly removed
Be interested to find out by who

Hope meeting went well !

whether I am or not they will always find an excuse to call me lady tremaine...
My secret... Embrace the lady tremaine within you and f**k all those who don't do this on a daily basis - they DONT GET IT

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

This stuff worries me. Last

This stuff worries me.

Last summer when we had the kids for the extended time we signed them up for a day camp. We had a sit down with the programs manger a few times with SO doing it alone the last time. He was very clear that only he, me, or my mother could pick up the kids. We went through the process of ensuring the proper paperwork was filled out and very clearly explained that under no circumstances was BM allowed to pick up the kids (Or anyone else for that matter). My mother was only put on for an extreme emergency.

When it came time to pick up the kids they didn't even look at the list. Sure I had to sign them out but I was under the impression that we would have to actually scan DL's to check the kids in and out and then it never happened. We were very upset. We had been very limited on the information we gave BM but we still worried she would come get them because she was not at all happy that SO was enforcing their agreement for him to have them the full time. She tried all sorts of BS to prevent it from happening that it was a real worry for us. Then this place gives up false promises and doesn't follow through.

Sorry this happened to you. Its messed up that you know the paperwork has been provided and they seem to have miss placed it. ONTOP of that for them to make that snide comment about her liking you is completely inappropriate and wrong. I talked about my case because just like you if BM showed up to get the kids in our case they would run to her with arms open. It terrifies me to think that's all the "proof" they needed. With family units being so complex now and the ease of technology they really shouldn't have this issue.

Even my high school which is in the middle of no where in a TINY town uses DL scanners now to even enter the school as an adult, let alone take the kid out. I had to get signed up special just to go to a home coming rally as a alumni.

I'd have your DH go down there some time soon and throw a little fit to know why they "lost" the approved paperwork.

Some days are hard but you just fight through them to get to the good ones.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

We were semi-worried about

We were semi-worried about this last summer program, BM who hates responsibility or watching the Skids, LOVES to threaten grabbing them and moving far away so DH can never see them again... So we didn't even tell her where the Summer Program was, and DH and I were the only ones listed as allowed to pick her up or drop her off.. I mean if she ever had come and moved away with the Skids it would be kidnapping charges... But filing charges doesn't mean they'll be found or that the Skids should go through that.

DH is getting there early to get SD8 today and demanding why the heck I was removed, DH's lack of a soft side for stupidity will come in handy here, lol. My bets (trying super hard not to be super accusatory) is that BM decided to throw a hissy fit... Kind of like the tantrum she threw with her parents before dropping the Skids with us full time and moving back to the bf...

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Completely understand because

Completely understand because I'm the one who has to remind SO about that kind of stuff. That BM has disappeared for short periods of time with the kids and I don't put it past her to take up with someone and just leave with the kids. It's not like she's very grounded to where she currently lives. It wouldn't be anything for her to just go.

Given I've joked with SO about doing the same when he's just done with her. Of course we wouldn't ever do it but that's how easy it is really.

Even more so if you know anything about your states legal cooperation with other states. I know more than a few people who ran here to avoid legal issues in one other state. It's like a direct path that people make. It works in reverse too but the cost of living is WAY higher there. Your likelihood of getting them back depends on how well the states legal systems work together and many of them get very territorial about their citizens rights.

Some days are hard but you just fight through them to get to the good ones.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

The good news is there's a

The good news is there's a clause in their current CO (the one that the courts actually have) That unless they go back to court, if they move out of the state then they forfeit all custodial rights. But it would still be tricky as f***. At least I have a sister in the state BM keeps threatening to move to lol, make her go to suspected locations... jk... Mostly...

I joke about all of us just leaving the country and getting fake names, lol.

Acratopotes's picture

Did DH not fill this in on

Did DH not fill this in on the registration forms? I would demand to see it..... and all hell will break loose if they

1. can't find it
2. it's not DH's hand writing or signature
3. DH did not put my name on the form (I will simply tell him, you never added me thus next time make a plan not going to help you out)

Blended family life turned me into a pirate....
All I want to do is drink Rum and stab people

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

DH did fill them out, and I

DH did fill them out, and I was right there when he did it, so I know initially I was on the approved list. They have an online system now though. So it wouldn't be in DH's handwriting.

DaizyDuke's picture

Sounds like the information

Sounds like the information that your DH filled out, didn't get entered properly into the on line system. It happens. in the district I work in the clerks that do those things are probably the lowest paid, least educated, basically take whoever they can get employees, so there are often a lot of mistakes like that.

ღIt's all fun and games until someone doesn't pick up on the sarcasm ღ
ツ I try to act nonchalant but underneath, I am chalant AF ツ

zerostepdrama's picture

Who do you think removed your

Who do you think removed your name?

"I don't take stuff personal from a person who doesn't know me personally."

"It so doesn't matter who likes us... WE like Us."
-Pom Pom Squad

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I'm trying not to point

I'm trying not to point fingers, only DH or BM are legally allowed to though.. And considering I help out DH and am full time parenting and he's logic driven enough I know he wouldn't... That leaves one option... Which you can totally infer... So I'm not pointing fingers... Eye-wink (was most likely the b****....)

WalkOnBy's picture

Opposite story - when DH got

Opposite story - when DH got custody of the skids, we moved them from Medusa's side of the state to my side of the state. It fell to me to get them enrolled, which I was happy to do since I had the Things still in the district and I knew everyone that was involved with enrolling new students.

I took the order giving DH full custody and Medusa no custody with me when I registered each kid. Filled out all the necessary information including the authorized pick up list.

A few weeks later, I get a call from the middle school secretary (KK and ASS were in middle school, BV was in elementary school) telling me that Medusa was outside the building demanding to be let in. My district had just switched to a more secure entry system whereby you had to ring a bell and look up at the camera before they would let you in. You had to give your name and then they would look you up Smiling

Fran (the secretary) told Medusa that they had no idea who she was, that she was not on the list of approved folks for KK and ASS and that she would have to call "one of the authorized parents" to see if it was okay to let her in the building Smiling

Fran said that she waited a few minutes, reviewed the custody order that was in the skids' files and told Medusa that she was not allowed "access" to the building or the kids. That sent her over the edge and Medusa began screaming "but I AM THEIR MOTHER AND YOU BETTER LET ME IN."

Fran then told Medusa she would be contacting the school liaison officer and when Medusa heard that, she took off. Then Fran and I chatted a few more minutes (she had previously been the secretary at the elementary school where all three of mine went to school) and then we both went about our day.

My guess is that in your situation, it was a data entry error. Good thing your DH was available by phone, though, right? I am sure he will get it taken care of and it won't happen again...but, yeah, how irritating!

Reading...it's fundamental

"Maybe it should be "reading comprehension..... it's fundamental" - ItsGrowingOld

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I'm sure he will take care of

I'm sure he will take care of it, just so annoying! We need the full custody order for DH just in case... I could see BM suddenly deciding she needs to use the skids and grabbing them, totally not okay...

Your story legit made me smile though, maybe I'm twisted, lol. But good thing you had that going for you! Did you ever find out why the heck Medusa thought she should have the Skids? Cuz that's freaky.

WalkOnBy's picture

BECAUSE SHE IS THE MOTHER AND

BECAUSE SHE IS THE MOTHER AND SHE WANTED TO SEE THEM!!

Not sure if you were around here for the story of the beast known as Medusa (almost 7 years ago now) but she thought she was above the law and could do whatever the hell she wanted to do.

Know what the freaky part was? She drove 120 miles from her side of the state to mine to stand outside the door of that school. She was not allowed to have our address, and for good reason, in my opinion. She did know the city in which we lived, though, and we only have two middle schools. I always wondered if she went to the other one, too...

Reading...it's fundamental

"Maybe it should be "reading comprehension..... it's fundamental" - ItsGrowingOld

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Of course she does. Don't

Of course she does. Don't they all?

And they all think that they are the best parents in the world and only they can give the children what they need.

I'm still so new to this but I'm really starting to think that when divorcing with children both parents should have to have psychological evals then use them to decide primary custody.

Some days are hard but you just fight through them to get to the good ones.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

THAT IDEA IS BRILLIANT. And

THAT IDEA IS BRILLIANT. And they should probably snoop around for the narcs too... Because from my experience and what I've read on here that's not healthy for the skids either... Would really lessen the blow to the Skids, not to mention stop all the crazy drama going on.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Oh I agree. How about we

Oh I agree. How about we consider how often the parents go out and "party" too.
BM here left the kids with her family for what seemed like weeks so she could go out drinking with different guys but nope that's not even considered in custody because the kids were safe. No they were kept from their father sleeping on the floor while BM was hooking up using the money SO gave her to pay for the kids food.

Seriously though. I don't think mental health should decide alone but willingness to seek treatment should.

I personally am diagnosed with a long term mental illness BUT I think I'm far more responsible then BM who we think has one. I see my doctor and take my medication as prescribed. If I need I will go speak with a therapist. I do what I need to take care of myself and am no harm to anyone. My partner is also one of the first to tell me "somethings wrong" because I've clearly informed him of warning signs.

BM on the other hand has physically lashed out in the past and is so unstable. One moment she's the sweetest thing just "we need to do right by the kids" and the next she's spewing venom at pick up. It's really sad because you can see the oldest in the background just getting ready to duck and run. I truly think she has either Bipolar or Borderline Personality Disorder from what I personally have observed and heard from not only my partner but her family / "friends" / and the school. This woman refuses to let the kids speak to a therapist let alone consider seeing one herself.

Some days are hard but you just fight through them to get to the good ones.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

If these people would

If these people would actually get help and grow up then I agree, that could totally be factored in! But the ones that VERY clearly have issues and don't get help... Just shouldn't be allowed to keep the kids so long as they have another option.. Which they do...

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

From the sounds of it she

From the sounds of it she really wasn't being very motherly... More of like escaped a mental institutiony... lol

The CO says that any moves have to be updated to the other with direct address by mail lol. BM refuses to give us her current address, another reason the Skids shouldn't go... lol... But her sister and Sm did some snooping, and so we have the address for emergency purposes should we need it to get the Skids somewhere safe... SD8 has my number memorized and her dad's is only one number off, so she knows to find a phone and call us if she needs us. She used to call MIL in tears locked up in the bathroom because of BM too...

Anyways I'm sure Medusa found a way around the system like we had to (though court ordered it's expected for us to know the address)... Please tell me she's either gotten more sane or disappeared since then... I would snap.

WalkOnBy's picture

She hasn't seen her kids

She hasn't seen her kids since January 9, 2012.

Reading...it's fundamental

"Maybe it should be "reading comprehension..... it's fundamental" - ItsGrowingOld

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Sounds like its for the best

Sounds like its for the best tbh..

WalkOnBy's picture

it is, but not the best for

it is, but not the best for me.

I told my husband from day one that the best thing for the skids would be the worst thing for me...

Reading...it's fundamental

"Maybe it should be "reading comprehension..... it's fundamental" - ItsGrowingOld

mommadukes2015's picture

When SS first came to live

When SS first came to live with us BM kept changing his information at the doctor's office to her sister's address. I had to call the doc to set up follow up appointments as per CPS (which is how we got him) and they told me he had missed so many appointments they were about to put him on the "do not admit" list but because he was 10 at the time they didn't want to do that.

I took him for his flu shot the other day and now the secretary knows, she made a comment about how it's funny how he makes all his appointments now, and if I schedule him an appointment BM will take him there but never would before (over the summer she asked to take him and I told her only if she took him to get his physical which I scheduled).

People will catch on.

BSgoinon's picture

That is so frustrating. When

That is so frustrating. When SS was in preschool, people on the "approved list" had to be approved by BOTH parents. BM used to take me off and put me back on the list on the regular. I never knew if I was "allowed" to pick him up or not. Depended on her mood. Finally the chick that owned the day care told me that it was too crazy to keep up with so she told BM that she had reached her max amount of changes for the year the last time she put me back on and that if she wanted me removed again she would need something from the court saying that I am not allowed to. Probably totally illegal for her to say, but she was sick of it, and so was I... and BM never questioned it. Apparently she realized that I had actually gotten close with the day care provider, even refinanced her house for her LOL.

I'm sorry I know how hard all of this is.

"They were threatened by my intelligence and too stupid to know that is why they hated me."- Sheldon Lee Cooper

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I'm just grateful I'm good

I'm just grateful I'm good with daycare... I'm paying it right now, back when BM was supposed to be paying it, she'd let it fall months behind, so the providers love me and I'm actually listed as the person to call right after DH in case of emergency, thank goodness... Idk if it's legal, but it really simplifies everything since I'm the one that drops her and picks her up a lot of the time.

It all is like whiplash though, what is BM gonna say? She gonna actually show up on time for the Skids this time? Can I even check out the child I'm raising? I hate whiplash, a big part of me wants to throw a few punches... The smart side though has a punching bag, lol

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

If your partner gives consent

If your partner gives consent then that should be it. Unless you have some sort of legal issue saying you can't have contact with the minor then it shouldn't matter. It's your partner's time and they should be allowed to assign another responsible adult to fill in if they aren't able to. If dad works till 6 why shouldn't he allow stepmom to pick up the kid at 4 for his visitation.

The kid has two homes and that enough disruption in itself. Having to do multiple exchanges in one day is too much if it can be avoided by letting a trusted adult do it for you.

Some days are hard but you just fight through them to get to the good ones.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Hopefully once DH gets this

Hopefully once DH gets this sorted out today we'll be golden... There is literally no legal issue, my background is as clean as a whistle and I've worked in the school system (teaching for a bit...) So I pass all the legal bells and whistles to be around any kids. I also worked as a nanny for a summer, I'd love to see her try and find a reason for me not to have contact with the Skids, because she'll lay out some lies, and I'll raise her with a bunch of facts on why she shouldn't be near the kids. I agree completely, Dh should be able to delegate more, as long as the Skids are safe and accounted for (and I think maybe some heads up should be given if it's a pickup) then it makes infinitely more sense and it WAY more stable for the kids themselves.

Tuff Noogies's picture

i had an odd check-out

i had an odd check-out encounter once with lurch. i went to go check him out early to take him to an orthodontist appt. they call him out of class, he comes and stands next to me chit-chatting while the secretary went and conferred with another. then another. i finally asked what the problem seemed to be, and sure enough, i was not on the approved list. she started reading names - dh, yes, my father, i live full-time with him and tuff. dumbass, yes, my mother. MIL, yes, my nana. dumbass' mom, yes my g-ma. Mr. Potato Head - *tires screeching* "HUH????"

lurch looked at me incredulously, started laughing and said "what the heck is HE doing on that list?" then looked back at the secretary and said "NO, that's my mother's EX-HUSBAND."

they tried calling dh for verbal approval for me to take him and couldn't get through. so they called g-ma (dumbass' mother) and she apparently sang my praises, coming back and telling me "well, if his mother's own mother talks that highly of you, that's saying a LOT! go ahead to his appointment (they'd already had proof it was scheduled) and just have his daddy straighten out the list tomorrow."

needless to say, lurch and i had a good laugh about that. but it was frustrating because we were almost late to his appt. dh promptly edited the authorized check-out list the following day. Eye-wink

"I am the nicest person you will ever meet until you try to f*ck over somebody I love. Then? I'm your worst f'ing nightmare." - Former.

Famuky is looming at me ark.

"His eyes said different though...."

DaizyDuke's picture

Ugh, just from this post, I

Ugh, just from this post, I can only imagine the ridiculousness that school secretaries have to put up with on a daily basis. Sad

ღIt's all fun and games until someone doesn't pick up on the sarcasm ღ
ツ I try to act nonchalant but underneath, I am chalant AF ツ

KittyKatMomma's picture

DD is 13-I've dealt with this

DD is 13-I've dealt with this every year.
I specifically list myself and DH (her stepfather)

her school sends a form regarding Custody/CO's etc
And i always list her biological father and state he's to NOT have any contact with DD.
And if he shows up at her school-he's to be removed by the police.

Last year DH went to pick DD up early for a checkup.
Guess who called me from the police station.

The principal showed me my daughter's student card.
Somebody (And you can tell it was not me) rewritten my daughter's student card
so it was listed as her father being allowed to pick and DH was to be removed.

And there were only 2 ladies that access to said cards-it wasn't hard to get that straightened out.
This is why I stress to everybody to double check the kids school paperwork so there are no mixups.