stepmom before becoming mummy
i've been together with my boyfriend for 3 years, have known ss since he was 4. he is now 8. we also have a babygirl who is a yearold. we have full custody of ss and BM has visitation rights every other weekend (overnights allowed) which he stays at the grandparents everytime its BM weekend anyways.
since getting into the picture - boyfriend and ss moved out of MIL house and moved into a new place with me. also fired BM out of boyfriends company (restaurant) who he invested half with BM's stepfather. and filed for papers for ss. since they were doing 50/50.
1 i would never ever work with an EX and the fact that shes a manipulative liar. but besides that she used to write the same old shit emails. but now doesnt even pick up ss on her weekends. doesnt even pay child support. even though i have asked to go back to court for this to change. more problems about ss is that he is going to a psychologist (which was recommended twice by two different schools) he thinks attention=love. but everyone is playing that "poor victim card" or "ADHD CARD" he is not mentally diagonsed. both his parents are still alive even though BM is unpresent and doesnt parent at all.
ss is constantly disrespectful, has no manners and that is just to his own father. he is now 8. and is "extra" especially now that we have a babygirl together. he was okay before she arrived. he became worst after, and i know its cause of the jealousy thing. but i am not his mother. i am her mother and treat her differently because of that. but also because he is so manipulative it doesnt make me want to be around him or DH.
DH enables that behavior and makes excuses because BM isnt around so he is allows that stuff. but for me im worried that my daughter will pick up that attitude and that will definitely not happen.
my question is: is it worth it for the both of us to continue living under one roof when this problematic child has issues and clearly needs to go back to his BM or even a foster home because he is that illmannered.
i know theres worst cases out
i know theres worst cases out there. but i rather have no custody of ss to be honest. its not fair to ask of me to do so much when both ss and DH do not try to change.
Your problem isn't an 8 yr
Your problem isn't an 8 yr old. Children are not well mannered by osmosis. They learn EVERYTHING through example and repetition. Let me give you an example... When a child is born to an American speaking couple the child grows up speaking English with an American accent because that is all the child knows. When a French couple raise a child the child only speaks French with a French accent. And so with children. If they are not directed to behave and be part of a family and be pleasant then he won't. If he is rewarded for whining and grizzling then this is how he gets his acceptance and his way.
So can you see, the problem is his father and probably his grandparents. Your BF is rewarding his son because he is guilty of having sex with a loser mother for his child. The child isn't the problem because frankly he knows nothing else. The first time he misbehaved he probably cried "But I miss my mommy." And it worked. Sure he missed his mommy but it had the added benefit of Daddy letting the bad behavior slide by.
Sit down and ask BF how long is he going to let his son behave like an oaf? How long is he allowing his son to misbehave because he feels sorry that his mother is AWOL/MIA? What about kids whose parents are killed or die? Are they allowed to be badly behaved? Does his son behave like this in school? If not why not? The bad behavior has to stop or you are walking out the door. And make an exit plan.