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Life update and ramblings

AJanie's picture

Ex and I have been separated over 2 months now - although it seems longer - since those who followed my blog know I was miserable for a looong time.

It has been quite the emotional roller coaster at times.

I blocked ex from my phone and email, then he started sending messages to my work email - which now goes to the junk folder. He has contacted every friend I have, he contacts his niece who works with me during work hours trying to get a hold of me and puts the poor kid in the middle. He wrote a long diatribe on facebook (he is blocked from my page- but others saw it and told me) about how he just found out I was "cheating on him for years" - he had dozens of people commenting about how awful it was and how sorry they were. Anything to slander me. He also has a few personal photos of me from over the years that is threatening to post to the internet to "make me famous". I have all of these threats saved and they're being forwarded to my lawyer. If need be I will go the restraining order route... I just haven't wanted to deal with that paperwork and court date on top of everything else I have to do.

I just hope it stops. He says he will never ever give up until I go back... but I never will and I have been very forthright about that. There is virtually no reason for us to be in contact, no kids, no assets together... so he is using slander to try to get my attention, then the next day he will post a public apology, he is making himself look beyond crazy and I know he is using drugs. It worries me. I don't want him to die. I just want him to move on.

Now for the positive parts of my life.

I am loving my place. I ordered a divider to divide my living area and bedroom and it just looks perfect. I have a zen theme, plants, bamboo divider, lots of cute decor to make it my own.

My dog is finally adjusted. I am settled into a routine where I exercise 2 days per week, hike on weekends with the dog, I babysit my cousins kids on Wednesday (we always do something fun) and I am even working part time from home for a friend's company to make extra money.

Also I am dating and it is going great...

Ex and I had a mutual friend who we saw a few times per year --we went out to dinner a couple times with him and his ex, or ran into them at barbeques/neighborhood gatherings... that sort of thing. I always really liked the guy, but never once thought of him romantically. After ex went down his drug spiral, he basically stopped associating with us. He also finalized his divorce a year ago and moved out of town. Anyway, a couple weeks ago he got in touch and he asked me out and I went and had a great time. I've seen him a few other times since - he actually cooked for me yesterday at his place. I enjoy being in his company so much that I do not want to stop. I am remembering what it is like to hang out with someone who has their life together and is genuine. My only fear is ex getting wind of it and causing issues for the guy. Obviously falling for a (former) friend was NOT the plan. If he gets wind of it he will be convinced it was an affair I was having the entire time. Oh well.

For now we are taking it slow and have no intention of going public with anything. And who knows if it will even go anywhere, anyway.

I just hope in time, once everything is final, I can breathe easier and feel less threatened by my Ex.

I hope all is well in StepTalk world. I miss it here.

AJ

Comments

ESMOD's picture

Well.. at least he is proving without a doubt that he was NOT the right person for you.

All you can really say when people tell you things that he is saying about you is "It's so sad, he isn't taking the split very well and lashing out. Of course none of it's true, but I guess he is just grasping at straws.. I really dodged a bullet huh?"

I might see if your lawyer could draft a little bit of a cease and desist letter to him warning of the consequences if he doesn't knock it off.

On the other note.. glad that you are enjoying your newfound peace. I would take it slow and easy on the new relationship... try to be YOU for a while:)

lieutenant_dad's picture

*hugs*

Aniki-Moderator's picture

AJ, I am not at all surprised your ex is being such a jerk. Hopefully, your lawyer can help with this.

Please date with a cautious approach. It is all too easy for a rebound romance to happen. Especially when someone is much better in so many different ways than your stbex. Best of luck to you!!!!!

fairyo's picture

Yep- I would add a note of caution about the rebound thing too, but the first question I ask is- 'does he have any kids?' if the answer is yes, I would walk away!!

advice.only2's picture

I know you don't want to take out a restraining order, but that might be the best thing you can do at this point. It sends a clear message to your ex that you are not going to take his crap anymore.

Veritas's picture

I am so thrilled for you and your new life!!!! I love to hear that your energy is going to things that make you happy...keep loving yourself and keep being happy Smile

ESMOD's picture

Oh... and honey.. you CAN be here as a 'survivor'. I'm sure there are many other people who could use your perspective when they are in similarly dead end relationships. Sometimes seeing someone else has had success at escaping can give others hope ya know?

So... as long as it doesn't drag you down mentally.. feel free to be an active member here... you have a lot to share and you may just help someone make the right decision!

AJanie's picture

Thanks all. I officially stopped letting him get through to me by blocking him from everything, my phone, 3 emails, facebook, instagram, even pinterest!! The only way he can try to reach me is through third parties.

I really hope it stops. My state does not have a strong revenge porn law... it isn't one of the 38 states that does. I am worried that if I ignore him he will humiliate me, but I am also worried if I put a restraining order on him - he will be even angrier.

Acratopotes's picture

AJ - you do not have to leave ST woman.... I wondered what happened to you.... missed you girl..

Now keep on ignoring the Ex and tell Mr New about it all, then when the day comes Ex contacts him he will be prepared and depending on what he tells the ex and how he deals with it, will be a clear indication if he will have your back one day or not, I will end this conversation with Mr New with, SO is falling off the rails, I've blocked him from my life and I'm ignoring him totally he has no power over me any more..

I'm glad you are happy and you are not responsible for Ex and his brats, go on with your new life Hon, you deserve it...

Now MrNew... does he have any children... }:)

AJanie's picture

He has a son.

I already know it probably won't go anywhere for that reason. I can't be a step mom ever again.

He is just so sweet and kind, everything EX isn't. He has his shit together, works hard/motivated, laid back and comforting, drama free guy.

But yeah. The son. UGH. Sad

For now I am just having fun.

Acratopotes's picture

once you've gone the SM way you never get out of it AJ - hahaha karma is evil Wink

Nah don't say never again, who knows, he might have a normal Ex and the SS might be a well adjusted respectful child, and MrNew might not be a Disney Dad at all, nothing wrong with having fun now, but before you take the leap, make sure MrNew is trained to focus only on you and no one else }:)

AJanie's picture

I know his ex. She has substance abuse problems - so new guy and I sort of had that hellish experience in common.

He has his son full time. So yeah... I am not sure I would be able to handle it. I have not seen the kid, he gets a sitter when we do things.

I get nauseous even thinking about re-entering step hell one day. haha.

Acratopotes's picture

don't compare your previous step situation with now....

out that behind you, no 2 situations are ever the same, this could be a brady bunch dream come true or it could be way worse then previously }:)

take you time my friend, but do not think of Stephell, it's unfair to MrNew and Son..... you know what you want, tell him from day one...
if he starts talking about a future or more permanent thing... tell him fine, this is how it's going to be...

I'm not your son's mother, I will not be responsible for raising him, I will be your first priority, and you will make sure your kid respects me, if he does not I expect you to stand up for me and punish him, we will have a united front in front of the kid and his mother, ...

You know all of that, and maybe just maybe you get a nice step son and a DH that backs you up, but be straight and honest from day one..
if he starts with that shit I want you to love my son as your own, don't even say cheers, simply block him from contacting you and run like the wind Blum 3

AJanie's picture

I will try not to compare. I was dating casually another guy - he didn't have kids - perfect on paper. He just made me uncomfortable in a way. He was talking too quickly about the future, said he had a great feeling about us, then when I canceled a plan because I wasn't feeling well (not last minute either, I canceled that morning and plans were not until 8 PM) he got sort of angry and accusatory.

So I cut him off.

I know I am supposed to "find myself" and be alone for X amount of time, but I have too much fun with new guy to deny myself that experience. I just fear what ex will do when he finds out, but I cannot let that run my life. And hey, if ex posts revenge porn maybe I will become the next Kim Kardashian? (just kidding).

I missed ya - Acra!

Acratopotes's picture

good riddance on the first guy - he simply looked for some one to support him financially the bastard.... that's typical guys who wants to get married after date one....

nah enjoy the MrNew and dating and having fun, nothing wrong with it, just don't move in together lol... keep your little bachelorette pad Wink

and so what if your Ex finds out, if he post revenge porn sue his ass off, call my I will come and break his knee caps for ya...
who knows maybe he already posted it on line and you just don't know it, so let that thoughts go..... it's part of putting the past behind you..

Acratopotes's picture

and keep on re newing that lease..... it's too small for 2 people and big enough for one....

always keep that little cave till you can afford buying your own place,