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Not sure how to handle spoiled stepson

Diana215's picture

My stepson is 8 yrs old and spoiled is an
Understatement for him. He gets toys all the time from his mom and always tries to get toys out of me when we go shopping together. He does nothing to earn them, never takes care of his things or mine that he borrows. Example, I let him play with my Nintendo D'S at a family gathering. He started playing tag with some kids. I watched him as he dropped it in the grass and ran over it while it was open and started chasing some kid. Never even went back to get it. So he doesn't play with it anymore. Now, my husband and I got new phones, so he pressured me into giving my old phone to his son so he could play on it. I did, and now a month later, he lost it. My question is, if he ever finds it, should I get it back until he learns to take care of his things? I'm really mad that this happened.

twoviewpoints's picture

Was the phone allowed out of your home? If not, and kid lost it somewhere in your home, my vote goes to SS8 spending his next visit searching for it. Once found, put it up.

Don't let Dad pressure you into giving/buying SS things. Eight year old children don't need cellphones. If they do get one, it's up to the parent.

You can not compare what BM buys/gives the child. Her kid. Her problem. But you should have some say in your home as to expectations. Example, putting one toy away before getting out another. Electronics are used under supervision , maybe such as at the desk (laptop for school work), video game hand held used in vehicle for entertainment and at home while sitting on sofa in familyroom. Dad should get him proper storage for any items like these. They should have a named keeping spot ( on shelf in his bedroom, in cabinet next to ______).

Dad needs to organize his kid. Kid's do stupid things and they do get forgetful. Kids also can be careless for numerous reasons. It's up to Dad to 'train' the child and keep kiddo on track.

DaniAM73's picture

Start saying no. If he doesn't take care of his things he surely won't take care of yours. Do nothing for your SS. Let his mom and DH buy him things.

Rags's picture

The best indicator of future performance is past behavior. If he finds the phone... reposses it and never let him use your crap again. At least for half a decade or so while you continuously recount his treatment of your property any time he asks and you tell him no. }:)

RainbowsAndDaisies's picture

Before you go into a store tell him: "We are not getting toys at this store."
When he brings it up again, and he will, repeat: "We are not getting toys at this store." Then you must not get him toys at that store, no matter what.
If he argues, and he will, you say this:
"I care about you too much to argue with you about this."
He will keep trying to argue. Ignore him completely until he stops, then change the subject.
If he has a meltdown, ignore it.
Only give attention to behavior that you want to reinforce. Do not give positive or negative attention (Stop that! Don't do that! etc.) to behavior that you do not want to continue.

The deal with spoiled kids is that they have learned that they are in charge. You must teach him that YOU are in charge. It will take time, but if you stick to your guns, he will learn. Be kind, but firm.