Step son obsessed with step daughter
Hello - I have a 16 year old step son at home who is obsessed with his half sister. I am not the biological father to either of them. She is 11 years old. If she shows attention to anyone else he becomes incredibly jealous and tries to stop her from interacting with that person. If she tries to interact with me and he is around, he will call her name and make up an excuse as to why he needs her next to him. A few examples - 1.Last weekend at Disneyland when standing in line, if she wandered away from him and in front of me in line, he would tell her to get back next to him or he would not cook her favorite meal for her anymore. He often makes threats like this to get her to do what her wants. She is also very concerned about making him mad, where as the middle sister(age 13, and biologically his full sister) doesn't really care if he gets mad. 2. Camping last summer the girls and their friends like to sing and dance by the campfire. He didn't like her doing this and would repeatedly walk over and try to drag her away from the group of girls. He didn't care what that middle sister was doing this also. A few times he had to go into the woods and bang sticks against trees because he was so frustrated that she was paying attention to others. One night while camping, he was very tired and wanted to go to bed and she didn't. He kept trying to get her to go to bed, but she wouldn't. And so the bribes/threats started - "If you go to bed you can use my headphones". He eventually gave up and went to bed telling her in a very angry tone - "I guess you don't deserve my headphones anyway!". She tried to sit on my lap and her Uncles lap while camping and he would come grab her and take her away. She is constantly under his watch and while camping he calls her name 500 times a day. I could go on and on with examples of this behavior. We have talked to him many times about his behavior and it doesn't change. They sleep in the same room, same bed together. I tried to put a stop to this when this behavior started and it worked for a while, but now they are back sleeping in his room again. She says she gets scared and this is why she sleeps in his room. To me this whole situation is just so weird, but my wife says she is just the baby of the family and he is protecting her. He says he saw an episode of 'My 600 pound life' where the subject had been molested and he is worried about that happening to her. He is very immature socially/mentally for a 16 year old. He has a pretty severe speech impediment and not many friends. He really is a sweet and innocent kid and there is no sexual abuse occurring. Their mother/my wife seems to think I am overreacting because he is just protecting his sister. She has agreed to get him counseling but there are no counselors available after school, but we are on a waiting list. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Am I overreacting? So glad to find this forum where I can vent.
You state that the sweet and
You state that the sweet and innocent 16yo isn't sexually abusing his 11 yo sister and exactly how do you know this because everything you have written would make me think the opposite.
And exactly who is 16yo SS
And exactly who is 16yo SS protecting her from being molested by?
It seems he is worried about
It seems he is worried about everyone. This started about 10 months ago when the 11 year old started hanging out with a friend from school and not as much with him. He was extremely jealous of this friend. If he is this way because of the 600lb life thing, does he really think her friend is going to sexually abuse her? I have always thought the 600lb life story was just an excuse for his extreme jealousy. But just because he is extremely jealous, doesn't mean that he is sexually abusing her? I once said something about sexual abuse(I eluded to it, didn't say those words exactly)to the wife and she told me that I was a horrible pervert(not exact words) for even going down that road.
The wife seems to fall for
The wife seems to fall for his excuses. This last weekend while waiting for our departing flight, she came and sat next to me, of course a minute later he is calling her over because he needs help with a word search game (this was his excuse many times this weekend, if she would wander out of his bubble, he would call her back, saying he needed help with the word search), then she came back and sat by me again, 30 seconds later he is calling her back, she grumbled and went over to him(she is sometimes exhausted by his demands also). After an entire weekend of this behavior I was fed up and after she walked back to him, I stood up and mumbled under my breath, " So Weird" to my wife sitting next to me. I'm not sure if the 2 siblings this. But I was later reprimanded for saying this within their earshot. "He was only trying to get help with his word search".
usually in molestation cases
usually in molestation cases a parent or other family is complicit. i know of a case where a woman, who as a child, was molested by a father and older brother. she is sure now her mother knew about it all along. wife is in denial.
do something to help the little girl.
Seriously? Seriously? I am
Seriously? Seriously? I am nothing helpful to reply as this is beyond gross.
I hope for everyone’s sake, your whole family goes into therapy ASAP.
I have gotten the mother to
I have gotten the mother to agree to therapy, but cannot find a counselor with available after school hours.
If you truly can’t find after
If you truly can’t find after school hours therapy, there is online therapy and phone therapy can seek out.
Even if his general behavior
Even if his general behavior towards his sister can be justified, (which I don’t think it can,)there is no justifying the sleeping together. Your wife is either in denial or doesn't care about what is happening to both kids.
I find it hard to believe there are no counselors who specialize in teenagers who do not hold office hours outside of school hours. If this is in fact the case, take him out of school in order to see a therapist. Personally, given your wife’s attitude, I wouldn’t tell her that a therapist is a mandated reporter.
You need to do more than vent - you need to take action to protect this girl. Do some research and you will find there are red flags all over the place that indicate this situation is going to lead to abuse or already has.
No I haven't been in a
No I haven't been in a similar situation. Your situation is unusual, abnormal and strange on so many levels. You should question this.
Very odd and concerning. 16
Very odd and concerning. 16 yr old brothers, step brothers, or half brothers whatever are not obsessed with their 11 year old sister AND sleep with them. No this is not normal, no this is not being an over protective big brother. This is creepy and I would be worried for the 11 year old.
Very odd indeed. Chef's older
Very odd indeed. Chef's older half brother from his dad's first marriage ended up marrying (and divorcing) his step sister from Chef's mom's first marriage. just ewww!
Eww is right.
Eww is right. :jawdrop:
UNHEALTHY, to say the very
UNHEALTHY, to say the very least.
This boy and his sister (half, full, whatever) are MUCH too old to be sharing a room AND A BED. OMG. :sick:
Does your wife not realize that 16yo males have a tendency to wake up... TURGID? At 16yo, it is quite likely that this boy has already been sexually active so the likelihood that he could be half-asleep and MOLESTING HIS SISTER is absolutely appalling.
Your wife needs therapy.
Your 16yo stepson needs therapy.
Your 11yo stepdaughter needs therapy.
If you think ANY of this behavior is normal or OKAY, you need therapy, too.
I feel sick.
The 16 year old step son is
The 16 year old step son is not sexually active. He has never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl. And doesn't really even seem to be interested in girls, but he is not gay. If by sexually active you mean masturbation, I don't know, but I would assume so as he is not physically delayed. As I said he is socially/mentally behind and probably closer to his 11 year old sisters level in that area. Turgid - That is exactly what I told the wife(didn't use that word though). Starting around age 13 those things happen a lot, whether you want it or not and you always wake up like that. She says that although they sleep in the same bed, they don't sleep next to each other. I think his behavior is totally weird, but my wife doesn't seem to be as concerned.
Well then your real concern
Well then your real concern should be with how your wife is dealing with this situation. She seems to think this is okay.???????????? It is not going to change if she thinks this is just fine.
Just because you don't
Just because you don't believe he is sexually active with other girls doesn't mean he isn't being inappropriate with his 11 year old half-sister. (BTW, she's also too old to be sitting on your lap or her uncle's. Ew.) How do they sleep in the same bed, but not sleep next to each other? One of them sleeps at the foot? Regardless, it's an unhealthy situation for both children, and it needs to be stopped IMMEDIATELY. CPS is going to come knocking at your door and with good reason.
Newhere, even
Newhere, even socially/mentally delayed people are sexually active. A friend of mine's exSIL is physically 35yo. Mentally, she is about 10-12yo. And she has had 3, count 'em THREE, babies. Every single one has been taken away from her. She will not take her BCP regularly. She refuses to use condoms. Her mother (with whom she lives) has come home many times to find her actively having intercourse or they recently finished. Her mother has tried to have her 'fixed'. She refuses, no doctor will perform the surgery (unwilling patient) and no judge can order it.
So... unless you spend 24/7 with your 16yo stepson? You cannot assume he is not sexually active. He is, after all, sharing a bed with a female - his SISTER. It is quite possible they have already had sex on multiple occasions.
And I don't know what far out, underpopulated, backwoods town you live in, but I have NEVER heard of a town (and surrounding areas) with NO therapists who only treat patients until 3pm, or thereabouts, and go home for the day. There has to be SOMEONE SOMEWHERE who can see this girl. Try harder. PLEASE.
You think it's weird? Just
You think it's weird? Just weird? Not, abusive, manipulative, controlling and just downright flipping creepy as hell. She's 11, why aren't you protecting her? There is nothing else to say, unless you want to discuss how and when to call the police because he's molesting her and both adults are complicit. It's abuse and you have a phone, do the right thing and protect a child.
I thought it was just me that
I thought it was just me that felt sick. I literally feel sick. I sincerely hope a therapy appointment is tomorrow.
Hope your prepared for a
Hope your prepared for a visit from CPS because once someone finds out an 11 year old is sleeping with and being groomed my 16 year old brother they will be visiting.
Check out this link on grooming. Brother seems to be doing all of them. http://www.icmec.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Behaviors-of-Sexual-Pred...
This young man has predatory
This young man has predatory behavior. Your SD is scared of him. That alone should be sending up red flags. A 16 year old male and an 11 year old girl should not be sharing a room, a bed, nothing.
I mean this sincerely and I haven't read other comments, but it sounds to me like he has this idea that because she is his half sister certain things can happen. There is a serious and dangerous problem.
Oh dear Lord. Wow. Your wife
Oh dear Lord. Wow. Your wife is nuts. This kid is or will molest his sister. You should be out of this mess asap.
Here is a suggestion based on the horrific description you've given us.... TAKE HIM OUT OF SCHOOL TO SEE A COUNSELOR. TAKE THE LITTLE GIRL TO THE DOCTOR TO BE CHECKED OUT.
My God. The insanity.
I'm thinking a welfare check
I'm thinking a welfare check on your SD might be a great idea at this time.
Maybe any call would be cleared, or inconclusive but perhaps your household might hear a loud "FFS." Your DW's ignorance & ignore-ance is awesome. Actually, it is likely criminal, besides simply shameful.
Your abdication of responsibility is shameful as well.
Heavens, you know it. You posted & presented your truth. If 1/10 is true, you are culpable.
BTW: even developmentally delayed youngsters develop "woodies" in the morning. (Hard-on, erect penis due to a surge of morning testosterone. Clarifying since there seemed to be uncertainty.) Unfortunately. many immature youngsters act out w/o the prefrontal lobe cortex kicking in suggesting this might not be wise. Simple touch & cuddles evolve. Shoot, go to any Aspie/Autism support group & I dare you to not discuss the tendency to fondle, play, masturbate in the home, in front of the TV, or in public --
even speaking with the neighbors.
Get SD11 away tomorrow -- to family or friends. Call for an emergency counselor session during school hours. You may not make that call due to your own issues, but ...
Every day, every hour that you dither...
I'm guessing that your wife
I'm guessing that your wife made 16 yr old ss the defacto man of the house and it was his job to protect his younger sister. This has likely been going on ever since the 11yr old's father left the scene and your wife made ss16 step up. The kid is just doing the job assigned to him which is to protect his little sister. The molestation fears are likely planted by your wife as well to have him keep her away from strangers.
The fact that the 16 yr old has taken over the parenting role means that your wife checked out on some level awhile ago. Your wife needs to be a mother to all of her children and ss16 should be encouraged to do other activities besides nannying his little sister. Enroll ss in martial arts, have him get a weekend job, something, anything so that he has the chance to be a normal teen for a bit longer.