I am really tired of this kid.
So we went camping over the weekend with my dad and SM and it was DH's weekend to have the skids. YSS wanted to use DH's phone and call BM at 10:00 pm at night while we were on the way to go camp it was not an emergency so DH told him to call BM tomorrow. Then all of the sudden I hear BM's voice on speaker phone on Saturday morning at 6:30 am in the morning. I tell YSS if he wants to call his mother that early in the morning he needs to go outside so that he doesn't wake everyone up. These kids are so dependent on their mother they have to call her for every little thing and it doesn't matter if it's an emergency or not. They have no respect for other people and neither does BM. It is getting so old!! What are we supposed to do take the cell phone away from the skids totally and let them call BM from DH's phone at certain times? I am running out of options here. YSS also does not know that the answer no means. He will do what he wants any way. What is effective punishment for an 11 year old? Taking things away?
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He did what his dad told him
He did what his dad told him to do. He called her in the morning. Why would you punish him for that? This is why dh doesn't listen to you when you demand he be punished. You want to punish these kids for every single thing they do. I get not liking your stepkid, i wish mine would fall off the face of the earth but if you want to stay married you have to stop this.
ok...but 6:30 am in the
ok...but 6:30 am in the morning come on!!!
DH's CO stipulates that they
DH's CO stipulates that they can talk to the other parent between 6:00 pm and 8:00 pm however, BM pays for their cell phones so they call her and text her all the time. DH can call and text the skids as well but he doesn't unless it's a birthday or something like that. They don't contact him either hardly.
Let the kid text. It's much
Let the kid text. It's much quieter. Speakerphone? 6:30am in the morning and BM is on speakerphone? That's just rude and unnecessary.
I'm not sure I'd send this kid outside in the camp to make a call. I have visions of this kid instead being chased by a wild animal with him screaming and BM on speakerphone shouting "Ex, Ex, where the h*ll are you, are you SLEEPING???? Ex, Ex, oh no MY SON". Ok, so the big bad wild animal was merely a rabbit and it was fleeing from your SS, but *we* all know how BM will turn the event into her poor baby in risk of rabies and how Dad better get up and race kid to ER just in case.
It was at the beach not in
It was at the beach not in the woods but I get what you are saying twoviewpoints and it really was at 6:30 am in the morning and totally unnecessary it was about some school note for YSS school and it could've waited until an appropriate time or until he went back to BM's. Like I said BM has made it this way so they contact her for everything.
I vote for taking away the
I vote for taking away the phones and letting them call on DH's phone when he's good and ready to let them call the invasive BM. It's time someone breaks the enmeshment
My SS is like that. We only
My SS is like that. We only have him every other weekend and when he allows himself to have fun, he actually enjoys spending time with his dad (DH). But, he still needs to talk to his mom at least three times while he is with us. It really bothers me when he calls his mom because he's unhappy about some parenting decision DH has made - and it makes me even more mad that BM then feels it's her right to weigh in, because she "needs to support her child." Um, you thought DH was a fine parent when you had kids with him and you always complain that he has to do everything, so why do you feel the need to weigh in during the few moments he is in charge.
I have no children of my own, but I would hope that if I did and if they went off to spend time with their dad alone, I would tell them, "you'll be fine with your dad and when you're with him, he's in charge, so don't call me to complain or to ask me to ask him for things for you. We'll both be fine being without one another for two days."
Seriously, the BM in my life complains all the time about how she has to do everything for the children, how DH expects her to do everything for the children (even expects her to take them to activities she signed them up for), how her life is so hard, how she nevr gets any time to herself...and then the moment she has handed off the kids to DH, she waits around on standby for one of them to call, so she can yell at DH. It makes me want to laugh in her face every time she complains that she has to do everything...
Seriously. I love my kids...
Seriously.
I love my kids... but it's vacation time when they're at their dad's! I don't want them calling me every 5 minutes for every little thing... I want them to be independent, not stuck to my hip as if I had no other purpose in life than have them stuck there...
I am my own person. I don't need to be around my kids 24/7 in some way in order to be happy. My definition as a person is not "mother", that's only part of it. I honestly pity the parents who must be linked with their kids through some means of access every minute of every day... do these people have no self love? Can't they make themselves happy?
I am 100% about my kids when they're with me... but I'm 100% about me when they're with their dad.
Yes that sounds exactly like
Yes that sounds exactly like BM over here.
That should be that BM always
That should be that BM always complains that she has to do everything, not that DH has to do everything.
I sometimes wonder what all these people were thinking when they had children. BM is trying to butt in and manage DH's time with the kids, like he's not an adult who can manage on his own. DH is always lamenting that BM doesn't set any rules or structures at her house and therefore the kids are lazy and not at all resilient. I periodically get frustrated with DH and say, "are you surprised that BM is not parenting your children? You knew who she was before the children were born - a needy person who is overly concerned what other people think of her - so don't be surprised when she acts needy and overly concerned about making your kids happy, instead of actually parenting them." If I talked to BM, I would say to her, "you must have thought DH was going to be a fine father when you were married to him, why is it that now that you are divorced, you act as if he's not only incompetent, but is indifferent to the happiness of your children." And in their case, DH provided more of the care for the kids when they were married, because BM was too anxious most of the time to do anything.
That should be that BM always
That should be that BM always complains that she has to do everything, not that DH has to do everything.
I sometimes wonder what all these people were thinking when they had children. BM is trying to butt in and manage DH's time with the kids, like he's not an adult who can manage on his own. DH is always lamenting that BM doesn't set any rules or structures at her house and therefore the kids are lazy and not at all resilient. I periodically get frustrated with DH and say, "are you surprised that BM is not parenting your children? You knew who she was before the children were born - a needy person who is overly concerned what other people think of her - so don't be surprised when she acts needy and overly concerned about making your kids happy, instead of actually parenting them." If I talked to BM, I would say to her, "you must have thought DH was going to be a fine father when you were married to him, why is it that now that you are divorced, you act as if he's not only incompetent, but is indifferent to the happiness of your children." And in their case, DH provided more of the care for the kids when they were married, because BM was too anxious most of the time to do anything.
Blah this makes me sad. when
Blah this makes me sad. when my freaking 7 year old spends the night at his friend's house, he never calls me. When he spends the night at MILs he does call before bed, but only because I ask MIL to, so she reminds him. lol Seems as though my kid can't wait to get away from me!
How idiotic that an 11 year old has to call his wittle mommmmyyy 42 times a day! I NEVER remember calling my mother when I spent the night at a friends much less with my freaking DAD. You guys need to take their stupid phones or tell BM to quit sending them. If they want/need to converse with each other about something IMPORTANT, then they can do it through DH phone.
This is a parenting moment
This is a parenting moment for your husband, not you. He needs to teach his child phone etiquette.
I would be annoyed with this
I would be annoyed with this as well. 6:30am while on vacation about something that isn't even relevant at the time?!? I also agree with ItsGrowingOld - parenting moment for your husband - and also just up to him in general to set boundaries while SS is with your family!
We had my SD this weekend and BM texts SO "are you near SD? I want you to tell her something she will be really excited about....so and so is having a ninja" - seriously?!?! This is something BM had to text right away and be told to SD right away?!?! I was so deeply irritated that my SO felt like he had to jump up and go find SD (who was happily playing at the neighbor girl's house) to relay this stupid message from BM. Of course I'm irritated that BM thinks that was something important enough to contact her about (knowing she would see her at her parent cheer night the very next day and could relay the message herself) but I'm even more irritated by my SO's response to just jump up and oblige. If I want that nonsense to end I have to start with SO setting boundaries! We used to have boundaries pretty set but I am seeing more and more lately that the boundaries we worked very hard on setting are becoming more lax because BM isn't being crazy controlling at the moment...however I am sure she will at any given moment because that is how she is! I also just felt like it was BM making sure he was up SD's butt (even though she is 10 - she can't self entertain and BM expects SO's world to revolve around SD when she is there). Sorry, small vent on my part but just trying to reiterate that it is up to the dad to set these boundaries for BM and SS and stick with them.
No you can vent all you want
No you can vent all you want Templeton21. I totally understand what you are saying I would be annoyed as well.
Hahaha, thanks, when I read
Hahaha, thanks, when I read other blogs it sometimes just hits a sore spot for me also. I guess I feel like sharing you are not alone in dealing with a crazy BM!!! I have def learned a lot from insight of others here and I am thankful for that.
I remember, back in the day,
I remember, back in the day, when my SS's would be at our house every weekend. The calls back and forth would start about 60 minutes into the visit (between SS's and BM). Sometimes they would call her while she was "out" on a Saturday night and around 2am when she was 3 sheets to the wind she'd call our house DEMANDING to speak to HER SONS because she had FIVE MISSED CALLS from them. She even pulled that a couple times when we had them on school holidays, but days I still had to get up to go to work.
The SS's were those kids who would stay up all night, then sleep pretty much all day (even when they were younger... because DH wanted our house to be just like theirs.... so they could be up yelling at the Call of Duty game, with their room sounding like the fall of Saigon all night long). So.... passive aggressive ME, who has always been a very early riser (as were my kids back in the day) would start making noise about 7am. It would wake up DH and the SS and they'd be grumpy all day. DH quickly learned that shutting BM down on her wee-morning phone calls kept me quiet until at least 10am. And slowly but surely the boys learned that if they kept me from getting a good night's sleep, I'd do the same to them.
childish? heavens yes. but that was the ONLY way I could get my point across.
If CO states contact between
If CO states contact between 6-8PM then this it what it will be, simply take the phones on arrival, and hand it back during those times.
Regardless of who pays for it, the CO states it clearly and there's nothing BM can do about it, this will also teach the skids not to be so dependent on her...
So we can take the phones
So we can take the phones away from the skids regardless of what BM says. She can't tell the courts that DH is trying to limit communication.
no she can't - the CO already
no she can't - the CO already has a stipulation in what times.... and you have your own house rules....
sorry but a 11 year old should not have a cell phone, and if they do it will be parental controlled.. not free roaming.
Simply no phones to school, and only after home work is completed on week days.
Week-end same rule apply - no phones during the hours it was suppose to be school....
I will top that: One
I will top that: One Christmas morning I woke up to SD (15 at the time) giving BM a FaceTime tour of our house including my husband and I asleep in our bed. Of course DH couldn’t see why I was so upset with his princess and made every excuse in the book for her.
BM had OSS taking pictures of
BM had OSS taking pictures of our house and I caught him doing it. She told him to take pictures of our house including our bedroom and then delete the pictures and messages from his phone. This happened last night and DH took the cell phones away for awhile but it didn't last long. DH is a Disney dad and doesn't stick to things when it comes to his kids which is why they behave the way they do. It is all very frustrating.