missjoyfulme's picture

Late at Transfer

FIrst off I have to say that BM is a biotch, first degree. She is a full blown Narc. Tonight again she is late. She made a BIG Fing deal about we have to be there at 730 prompt (which means we leave church early as we go on SUnday eve sometimes to the youth service) when we asked the court for 8pm so the kids could finish church. Apparently she tells the court that 8pm is just too late for a 13 yr old on a school night. Tonight we leave church early to make sure we are on time and once again, biotchie is late. This time after waiting 22 mins, I tell husband to take me and my daughter home (5 mins away) and she can text when she gets to drop off place. We are halfway home and get a text that she is there and now DH is late and he owes her 3o mins. WTF. She will be late next week as her revenge. What would you do? I am so so so sick of her flipping games.

strugglingSM's picture

I would document her being

I would document her being late...especially since she made a big deal about 7:30pm. Maybe use a timestamped video.

I would also notify her in writing that if she is not at the drop off spot at 7:30pm - as she demanded - that you will go home and she will have to text when she has arrived and wait for you to return.

Ispofacto's picture

This. Take a screenie of the

This. Take a screenie of the parking lot with the car dash clock visible, text it to her, and ask her why she is late again.

Can you have her come to the house and pick him up? She'd have to stay in the car, of course.

Restraining orders are just another way of saying "I love you".

BM to DD28, DS26, DS22 • : * ¨ ¨ * : • SM to SD13 - aka "Killjoy"

missjoyfulme's picture

after she and her MIL and

after she and her MIL and friends drove a trailer up to our house, broke into our house when told NO the day before and came anyway to get "her boxed up china and pampered chef crap" while we were at work. THey had been divorced over 3 years at that point. And DH told her that he would deliver it within the week to her moms when she asked. And she and her mother justified it because the MIL says she "had an open invitation to visit the grandkids anytime". And then this followed with false accusations (that were so outrageous, they would make you laugh) 2 weeks before our wedding. Nope that crazypants is NEVER coming near me or my family or my safe haven home. We actually moved to the end of a mile long private drive, just to ensure privacy.

mtnwife530's picture

I agree, document, document,

I agree, document, document, document! One way would be when she is one minute late, text her! Ask where she is? Repeat every 5 minutes til she shows, and SAVE THE TEXT ON YOUR PHONE! Some judges actually want to see the text so they know the printed pages haven't been altered. Document asking the 13 yo. what time he goes to bed on school nights with BioBiotch. Digital record on your phone????
I would bet he doesn't actually go to bed AND to sleep by 8:30. What time does he actually go to sleep? Does he lay awake in bed for hours? Does he wake up several times through the night? He may need that much sleep, if he's up at 5:00am and doing 2 a day football practice, then again?? Good luck!

mtnwife530
SM of 4 adult skids- 10 SGKids
I MUST be Crazy!!

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Do NOT let her get away with

Do NOT let her get away with stealing his time. That's not how it works. A parent can't change the time as they see fit. This "revenge" lateness is unacceptable. Time can only be changed if it's agreed upon.

Keep records and if she actually tries in writing to say "You were late so I don't have to be there till x time" make sure to save that as proof of her not complying with the CO.

Some days are hard but you just fight through them to get to the good ones.

missjoyfulme's picture

and she was late because...

and she was late because... here is a shocker.... she was drunk. Nope not driving. As DH is coming up, Voldebitch is standing in front of a car with the headlights on wrapped in the arms of a man. SS12 says oh great she brought a man and then says she is probably drunk. They text DH when they get in the car (SS 12 and SS17) and yep mom is drunk drunk and they have no idea who the man is. So she drives 1.5 hours with a man that the boys have never met for pick up and she is shitfaced drunk. (she has a drinking issue but according to her she doesn't but she was blacking out prior to their divorce, and according to her mom "she drinks sometimes because she has a lot of stress and she is so skinny now that she can't handle her alcohol... excuse excuse excuse). And we have to let them go home to this crazy.

Yes we have tried the GAL and that route. She is smart, and manipulates. As my oldest niece who is an investigator for DSHS said, "she or the oldest daughter probably gave the GAL (a reputation for slimy guy we found out later) a blowjob. The boys hate being at their moms. And honeslty it is expensive, we were at 15K in legal bills and growing, we just gave up. Now she is sueing for increased child support because apparenlty even a drunk monkey can make money in this real estate market and she tripled her income from last year as an agent.

It makes me so sad. What a crappy life, to go from our home which is fairly normal in all ways, to have to get in a car with a drunk mom and some man they don't know.

Goodluck's picture

Since your step sons have

Since your step sons have reported they are not happy living with mom. Why doesn't dad file for change of custody.
They are teens, right?

Right letters from boys addressed to the Judge.
"We would like to ask you if you will PLEASE allow us to live full time with our dad. It is not that we don't love our mom, we doooooooo love our mom a lot. we feel more comfortable at dads. His rules are a pain like keeping our room clean but we know he wants us to be good grownups. We have friends at dads, we have friends also from dads church. It is hard for us not to see our good friends. Our friends to school and so will we. WE want to have a relationship with our mom BUT we would love to live full time with dad now and visit with mom. Our dogs are at dads too. We would like this change if you wouldn't mind. We promise to do our best in our new school if you will allow us to live now, with our dad."

Make sure to say WE want a relationship with mom , we love our mom. we just more comfortable at dads, friends at dads etc.
It might work.

The second type of triangulation is a cross-generational coalition in which one parent forms a coalition with the child against the other parent. This is the type of triangulation involved in the pathology traditionally called “parental alienation”.

missjoyfulme's picture

because in our state, and yes

because in our state, and yes this is stupid. The children,no matter their age, do not get a vote. And the judges do not look kindly nor will they look at letters from children of any age. We had a GAL (whom we later found out was about the worst GAL about and has a horrendous reputation for bias) whom actually met with the teen boys for a TOTAL of less than 30 mins and only once. Our witnesses said that he was borderline rude to them and didn't pay much attention. The boys called him the GAL later and said, "she is drunk again, passed out in the back of the oldest car on the spare tire". He then emails BM and DH saying "boys called complaining about mom being drunk. Boys got grounded by BM for "lying about her to GAL". and GAl said doesn't matter as I am not on this case anymore. Geesh.

It was going to be a huge financial (we are 14K in already) and emotional toll that we just got exhausted in doing.

And yes the SS are nice kids. I do like them and now starting to love them too. They are still boys and that is a challenge for me as I run a more quiet home and have had only girls. They do want the peace and stability of our home and thrive when here with the structure. She is a Narc with a drinking problem, nothing new there. But she presents well and is all about her image. But at some point, I had to say stop the financial hemmorhage and lets move on with our lives. When the oldest is 18, he can make the choice.

Goodluck's picture

You sound wonderful

You sound wonderful MissJOY

Sorry to read the kids must continue to live inside bm's world.

If the kids have cell phones they (the kids) are well within their rights to dial 911 .

Nothing wrong with having drinks now and then but a drinking problem would be grounds for major concern.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry. Sad

The second type of triangulation is a cross-generational coalition in which one parent forms a coalition with the child against the other parent. This is the type of triangulation involved in the pathology traditionally called “parental alienation”.

missjoyfulme's picture

Thank you Goodluck. I needed

Thank you Goodluck. I needed that. After 2 years of BM and OSDs 19 and 21 false accusations and attacks, I am a it exhausted emotionally. This site has helped me realize that I have developed some good coping skills and we can live happily ever after, even if that has a different look than I first expected. I just finished reading "say goodbye to crazy" and that was like reading our bio. So thanks, I really some days need to be reminded that I am a good mom and wife and screw her and the broom they rode in on. PS. It feels just a little good that the 12 yr old texts me that he loves me and the 17 yr old give me a hug. I think my job in this world is to show my kids and my SKs what a healthy marriage, a mature healthy adult woman acts like and a healhty family looks like, if that even means for every other weekend.