vulcan40's picture

No accountablity for their behaviour need to vent

I revieced some wonderful advice from this forum a few months back when i was very depressed (i cant remember lofg in so apologies). Just wanted to update my situation.

At the moment i am now 99% disengaged, but im so angry. Ive taken SD's off facebook, (blocked one). The penny has finally dropped after months that they dont care one jot about me. There is nothing i an do to change the situation. The last straw came when osd posted a pic on social media of her dog drinking out of a salad bowl i lent her which never returned. Now people might think im a bit mad why fall out over a salad bowl? What happened next was blatent lies and gaslighting. I asked hang on isnt that my salad bowl (it was quite distinctive), the reply followed was lies, shed purchased it "specifically" for her dog, no idea what i meant etc. I started to question my own memory. Then her friends began making comments random shit about "oh i super enjoyed my salad bowl at lunch laugh laugh" to which they all had a good laugh, more salad pics. Then someone commented in capitals yes thats the salad bowl you bought the dog (though it was odd never met this person. I was telling a friend who looked at her account as it was public, the comment was made by the BM who i have blocked so couldnt see it and some random copied and pasted it below!! I was so angry!! I blocked her, then she start whining to DH i have havent done anything. He reckons he had a go at her, held my breath for an apology, still holding it, im done.

Now i feel though its all my fault, my dh says you shouldnt have asked that on her page, you should have sent her a message etc fault. There is no accountability for their behaviour, im done being treated like crap. What hurts though is their relationship has carried on as normal, she phones and texts him every day, they meet for coffess and lunch. At what point do u thing its disengagement or being left out. I havent seen them for 2 months now, she wont come near my house as apparently she "hates confrontation". He never holds her accountable, i feel like im in the way of his perfect life whith his selfish adult spawn. We have been to counselling but its not working , im supposed to just put up and shut up, hes scared of losing his princesses, obviously im nothing.

Whilst im happy to be disengaged im raging that after everything ive done for her, she doesnt give a shit about how i feel, im just a random person married to her daddy. So no more presents, no more dinners, no more cards, no more nothing. But since ive become disengaged its affecting the marriage, he thinks we can be all like the waltons, until he recognises i mean jack shit to them this wont change.

MadHatter's picture

Disengagement IS being left

Disengagement IS being left out. When you disengage, you purposely choose to be left out. It's hard sometimes when you know that your DH is out having a good time while you sit at home grinding your teeth, but as time goes on, you reach a point that you honestly do not care what they do together as long as you don't have to be involved in the drama.

Dear God, I pray that my stepdaughter's bio-mom lives FOREVER!!

Disclaimer: It's probably never a good idea to do what I would do!

vulcan40's picture

Thanks madhatter, i guess the

Thanks madhatter, i guess the teeth grinding comes from the fact they treat me like shit but there is no accountability, they get what they want but bonus is im not there, seems kind of odd, i feel like im the one being punished . I guess you cant make people like you, or care about you, thats the sad part, i also dont think they care about dh either but hes a good source of funds, and someone to whinge to with their issues.

MadHatter's picture

You're a SM, Vulcan40.

You're a SM, Vulcan40. Chances are you will never truly be liked or appreciated for anything you do. The good news is that you eventually quit grinding your teeth and start appreciating the time to yourself. Your problem is that you still care. When you stop caring, it is freeing.

Dear God, I pray that my stepdaughter's bio-mom lives FOREVER!!

Disclaimer: It's probably never a good idea to do what I would do!

vulcan40's picture

Yes thts my problem, i would

Yes thts my problem, i would never treat people the way they treat others. Funny the ysd said last time i saw her dh never ever followed through on anything when they were kids, sounds like he never gave them any discipline. No wonder they are rude and disrespectful, and entitled. DH said sm thinks im soft, i replied yes you are, theres nothing wrong with being soft but big difference to being a door mat for people to wipe their feet on. Hopefully that sent a message home. I think they are all dysfunctional, and they need someone to triangulate off. Me to be the evil stepmother who sticks up for DH or calls out their poor behaviour, now ive disengaged i think its less fun for them so he doesnt see them much, thats my fault too!! I think he likes to play me off his kids too, before it was the BM, so tired of this dysfunctional family.

SacrificialLamb's picture

An SM IS just a random person

An SM IS just a random person married to her daddy. Don't take it personally.

Disengaging, for me anyway, means no present buying, absolutely nothing. These children are adults; you do not need to be involved.

Block them all on social media. I defriended my OSD on FB, but she defriended me in real life. When she kept tagging other people in posts that were disrespectful to her father, I completely blocked her. Her loss.

My DH was afraid of losing his princesses too and just thought I would be a doormat the way he was. Then he realized he was going to lose me instead, and things started to change.

When you first disengage you are home while your DH is out having a good time with people who don't really give a damn about the you. That's bothersome at first, until you realize you have a you want to hang out with these people or do you want peace? I detested spending time with OSD and would much rather stay home.

vulcan40's picture

yes, he does expect me to be

yes, he does expect me to be a doormat like him, apparently for him the situation cant get any worse, he hardly sees his kids (boo hoo he still sees them at least once a week and talks daily to osd on phone). Yet im the one causing the issue as i wont be a door mat or sit there while they make fun of me, disrespct my home , borrow things and never bring them back or bank roll the osd and her lazy dh. Your right i dont want to hang out with these people, im loosing respect for dh too though, becasue he just wont grow a set of balls and stick up for me. How do i get past this point of disengaging?

SacrificialLamb's picture

Let your DH have his

Let your DH have his relationship with them. When he talks about them, don't get engaged in the conversation. Just say "that's nice", change the subject or leave the room.

Remove yourself from his relationship with his kids. Don't lend them anything. No texting, no social media. Do not go when he sees them. If they are in your home, be civil but nothing more. Do not play hostess, cook for them, clean before their arrival, nothing. Your DH takes care of his disrespectful children all on his own. If he asks why you are not involved, tell him you married him and not his adult children (it's not like they are on a visitation plan to your home), and he is unable/unwilling to be a father to them and call them out on inappropriate behavior. So you have no choice but to protect yourself and regain your peace.

These DH's are too afraid of their princesses to grow a set of balls and stick up for you, because they won't even stick up for themselves. I told my DH that since he is unable to, I will handle all conflicts myself when they arise. I told I would address inappropriate behavior directed toward me. If he stuck up for their inappropriate behavior at my expense, he went out the door with them. Who wants to be in that kind of marriage? You should do the same. There is no reason you need to put up with crappy behavior just because they are your husband's children.

vulcan40's picture

i love your post x 1000!!

Smiling i love your post x 1000!! They havent set foot near my home since the above incident because ive told dh they are not welcome here if they are going to be disrespectful to me.Im not sure if hes said anything , i think he confides in them about our marriage. I could give 100 examples, and each one dh "didnt see that" or "never heard that" or "your being too sensitive". Saying that though he says occassionally osd might pop in, but she never dose, usually a headache lol, i think she knows shes overstepped the boundary and im going to let her have it next time shes rude.

SugarSpice's picture

lamb, your responses are the

lamb, your responses are the same as mine. when my dh talks about his children, i have two responses: thats nice or oh goodness.

he told me one of his daughters is pregant again. thats nice. but she is having complications of gestational diabetis. oh goodness.

you see how that works?

i am no longer corresponding with any of my skids. no advice. no help. no gifts. no emotional investment or monetary investment. not even trivial conversation.

the self castration is very common in s fathers esp when there are daughters concerned.

i also had to handle conflicts myself when one of the skids made threats of physical harm. dh was too weak to even think of a solution so my well placed come back to the skid put her in her place. she never said anything else to me ever again. i dont think any one every stood up to her that way as she was as they say a mean girl who picked on others for fun. she never expected me to stick up for myself because dh never did but my comment was a very sharp cut that she never saw coming. she was foolish to get into it with me.

secret's picture

did you already share the

did you already share the incident? I'm curious as to what she said, and what your come back was.

es stört mich nicht

SugarSpice's picture

sd threatened to cause me

sd threatened to cause me bodily harm and i made a comment about her being over weight. simple.

you make threats and you leave yourself open to a verbal defence.

sammigirl's picture

SugarSpice: MY "come backs"

SugarSpice: MY "come backs" seem to just fall of the tip of my tongue now, so naturally and so point blank. For years I was caught off guard with my SD56.

Now I find I just take care of her in a cold diplomatic style; I even surprise myself. Maybe it's because I don't care about her or what she thinks, so it just spills out. SD also never sees it coming, because I don't. After she leaves, usually pissed off, I think "job well done" and not even planned.

You would think they would attempt to avoid "to get into it with us".


I am going to do what I love, when I love, and I'm going to love doing it.

SugarSpice's picture

after my verbal self defence

after my verbal self defence with sd she never bothered me anymore. i really dont think she saw a defence coming. he father is a push over and she must have thought the same of me.

enuf's picture

Sd is gas-lighting you

Sd is gas-lighting you regarding the bowl. Making it seem that you are dillusional, making it seem that you are a little crazy, and that the bowl was never yours. She probably got a kick out of the entire incident. The best thing you can do is move on knowing that she is capable of passive aggressive antics and as you said your dh coddles no matter what she does to you. You know this and there is very little chance that the dynamics will change. The best thing you can do is pretend she does not exist and when you hear your dh talking to her, or hanging out with her, see your husband as doing charity work for a demented person.

vulcan40's picture

Thats exactly what i thought.

Thats exactly what i thought. We both know its my bowl, and who buys a salad bowl for the dog?I stupidly even rang my friend to ask if she can remember me lending it her ( we had a bbq, she was ment to bring salad, as usual she left it too late so bought the stuff made it here, then took the bowl with the leftovers in lol).Of course my friend confirmed becasue its an unsusual bowl, my dh though apparently cant remember, funny that!!! She then got her flying monkeys involved, this girl is never wrong and cant lie straight in bed. The bowl was the final straw in a whole heap of straws,, i like your last sentance ha ha!! Laughing out loud

witch.hazel's picture

We women know exactly what

We women know exactly what belongs to us, where we got it, when and why. So does your SD. She knows she didn't buy it. Men aren't like that in general, so they buy it when these "girls" come up with that excuse.

My former SD would take my clothing all the time and then claim it was a mistake, that she thought it was hers. Not possible. She also knew exactly what belonged to her and protected her own things while stealing what belonged to others.

vulcan40's picture

yes i can tell you exactly

yes i can tell you exactly where i bought it and how much it cost etc, in fact im not even that bothered about the bowl, its the lying and making out im crazy im so angry about, plus the ensuing social media mocking, ive told dh she is never borrowing a damn thing from this house again. Its all my stuff here anyway, he gave her most of his things when he moved in, i just dont know how long its going to be before all the respect i had for him completely evaporates.

witch.hazel's picture

What she did was a very

What she did was a very upsetting and hurtful thing to do. You should block her from your social media, and yes, never loan her anything again.

vulcan40's picture

She’s gone , deleted and

She’s gone , deleted and blocked. Had the cheek to ask she why? Ffs , apparently he told her why and I should have said this or done this etc and she never liked or replied to any of the other comments. I screen shots it all before I deleted her so she could see that was also lies too - his response - that’s really disappointing!! No shit Sherlock u created this monster!!

sandye21's picture

Even though you disengage it

Even though you disengage it takes time for the anger to lessen and eventually turn into indifference. You are still reeling from the insults - not only from SD for being an a$$, but anger at DH who in also gas-lighting you with comments like, "I didn't see it" or "You're too sensitive." Just keep up with disengaging. Do nothing but smile and let him take care of everything to do with SD financially, emotionally and physically.

There are many degrees of disengagement. Like you, I will not allow SD to darken my doorstep until DH can tell her in front of me that she is to respect me as his wife - and I informed DH this is non-negotiable. It has been 7 years now and it gets better every day. The anger left but the expectations of mutual respect didn't. I am more determined than ever to never allow the abuse - and that is what it is - to happen again. Hang in there.

Go out and buy the most beautiful 'replacement' bowl you can find. Then look at it every day and tell yourself that this is what SD 'bought' for you with the money you will no longer be spending on her. In time, when DH 'forgets' special dates and events because you are no longer reminding him of them, she is going to realize she was not as clever and she thought she was.

SugarSpice's picture

i agree with the time it

i agree with the time it takes to totally disengage.

i am at the point where it still irks me to see dh get all stupid when he sees them and they start demanding things of him like money.

enuf's picture

Sandye21 is right about your

Sandye21 is right about your dh forgetting special dates and also getting the most bizarre unusable xmas gifts as he will not know what to get unless his dd tells him and then it will no longer be a surprise. Or, better yet make it a game and buy her a salad bowl, or suggest to your dh that a salad bowl would be the perfect gift as the dog used the last one. Do this every year from here until forever. That would certainly get her goat as you are smiling as to how everything turned out.

wineisthecure's picture

Oh yes this - make sure he

Oh yes this - make sure he buys her a salad bowl every year! And for her birthday salad tongs

What is so wrong about offering skids shiny red apples?

vulcan40's picture

that’s a great idea!!! I

Laughing out loud Laughing out loud that’s a great idea!!! I usually get something re gifted d like a cinema ticket she won on Facebook, or a cheese board?? Last year the younger one pissed me off. My dh used to use hankies when we met u know the ones u re wash. I hated them think they are unhygienic and it was a standing joke I’d rid him of his hankies . Ysd bought him yep hankies but embroider by her bm where she works. I might have to have a little bit of fun this Christmas Evil

sammigirl's picture

Give a coupon to an expensive

Give a coupon to an expensive steak house that has expired. My SD56 gave DH a basket of goodies for his birthday; she had put a coupon to a nice steak house in the basket and made a big deal of doing so. When I looked at the coupon, after she left, I showed DH that the date on it had expired; I also noted you can't use it, but we can frame it. LOL

It was too funny, because DH thinks she is so damn perfect.

Disengagement is self alienation, but well worth the stages you have to go through to get over it. You will get to the point you don't care, I'm there. Then you will make a life for yourself and concentrate on your marriage. It is different, but I will NEVER go back on my disengagement and I love my choice to disengage. I do absolutely nothing for my SD56, nor her immediate family. SD stated she didn't want me around, so I obliged her. Now SD doesn't like that either.

P.S. all the goodies were stale and out dated too; SD and SIL have a nice income and can afford a nice gift for DH; but she shops close outs and yard sales. LOL

I am going to do what I love, when I love, and I'm going to love doing it.

SugarSpice's picture

some s mothers are so hungry

some s mothers are so hungry for acceptance that they turn themselves into door mats. they over extend themselves all the while with a smile on their faces hoping for some sort of attention.

a s mother has to grow her own set of balls and stop waiting for her dh and her skids to pay attention to her. this took years for me.

i am at the point of not caring. and now dh is upset that i dont care about his skids. when they visit he puts on a show of huge dinners that he spends hours over as if they care. they just want to eat and leave.

he does not yet see at their age that they gush all over him so they can get money from him that he doles out is fist fulls.

sammigirl's picture

That is sad! My DH is not

That is sad! My DH is not able to cook or entertain, so they get no dinners. My DH doesn't even think to offer them a glass of water.

I grew my own set of balls and only wished I had done it 30 years ago and saved myself a lot of work, sorrow, and anger. I also have been eight years and finally don't even give my SD56 a thought, until she shows up to visit DH, which is only about six times a year now. Of course the holidays are looming, so we'll be blessed with a short visit with a stale basket of goodies in tow.

I am going to do what I love, when I love, and I'm going to love doing it.

fairyo's picture

Hi! Thought I would chip in

Hi! Thought I would chip in here as your post rang so many bells for me, but I think my perspective may be slightly different.
For me disengagement really meant re-engagement- with myself! I was depressed, anxious, withdrawn and felt isolated from everything I had given up to be with DH. I wanted that back, and without this site I couldn't have done it.
Sandye was so right- go and buy yourself a beautiful salad bowl, or something entirely different. Presents to yourself are important because they will never be wasted. I once went out with someone so mean I knew he's get me something cheap for Christmas, so I bought myself a gift, wrapped it up, opened it and told him it was from my daughter- then I told my daughter it was from him! Luckily, they weren't in the same space!
Be your own best friend- when he is out being tortured by his kids (and he enjoys that torture) do the things that you really love- watch an old film, chat to a friend, go out to a class, rediscover a hobby.There are so many things out there you will love doing- it may take time because you've disconnected with these things for a while- but you will get them back. Slowly, as you start to re-engage with yourself, these toxic people will have less and less effect.
Now, for the downside. My DH doesn't like what I've done- he spends lots of time now with his kids and although that drives me mad, they are his kids and I don't interfere. I don't ask about them, and he doesn't tell me. I blocked OSD on social media and haven't seen her for four months. It is wonderful.
My relationship with DH has really changed and people notice. If they ask I say things are difficult but we'll get through it. We may, we may not. We are both of an age where we don't want to look elsewhere, so are finding an equilibrium which means we do things together, but there is no intimacy. I think it is very sad, but I have accepted that is the price I pay for no longer allowing his family to destroy me.
Dis-engagement is a train we ride away from trouble, and we all riding the same train but in different carriages. I am determined to stay on until I am where I want to be. Others may leave earlier- that's their choice. To keep the analogy there are lots of funny, caring, intelligent women in my carriage and I would rather be with them. Come and join us.

Fairy steps are sweet at the start, but you are soon on the road to nowhere...

vulcan40's picture

Thanks fairyo, I get the

Thanks fairyo, I get the depression and anxiety caused by this as this has been me for months, my bp was through the roof and started in meds, tortures myseself with their games , questioning myself what had I done for them tondislike me so much only for them to suggest to show I hated them. After all the nice things I’ve done for them, once I stopped being a doormat like their dad they turned up the heat. Time to find myself again and I’m happy to sit in the same carriage as all you lovely ladies x

sammigirl's picture

I am sitting beside you in

I am sitting beside you in your carriage and enjoying every minute of the fun and laughter.

You post is right on!

I am going to do what I love, when I love, and I'm going to love doing it.

Acratopotes's picture

disengage, you owe them

disengage, you owe them nothing Hon, never talk about them or with them, block them from social media,

When DH is there for you great, when he choose to be with his daughters, also great cause you are capable of enjoying yourself and entertaining your self or friends....

Then out of spite, I will start serving DH salad in a dog bowl...

Blended family life turned me into a pirate....
All I want to do is drink Rum and stab people

vulcan40's picture

that’s a great idea!!!

Laughing out loud Laughing out loud that’s a great idea!!!

fairyo's picture

Or- you could try the dog in

Or- you could try the dog in a salad bowl- but I know that won't go too well with all the doggy lovers on here!

Fairy steps are sweet at the start, but you are soon on the road to nowhere...

vulcan40's picture

The poor dog is neglected ,

The poor dog is neglected , spends all its time chewing up stuff in the back yard and is never walked. ( probly chewed its water bowl) They wanted to go overseas and leave the dog here, I had it for one night and it’s an untrained lunatic. I said no osd expected my dh to upstixks and move into their house to look after it, I said no, that was the start of the disrespect. Actually she didn’t ask she pouted and fluttered her eyes , she never asks she just manipulateds people into doing what she wants. When they say no it’s ww3. The one night it spent here I was given an a4 price of paper for instructions and told not to hit it! Ffs I would never hit a dog, my bs is 11 and never been smacked and is more respectful. God this is liberating getting this all out !! I got no sleep because that dog planked on our bed and wouldn’t move , it dig up my garden and peed in the house.

SugarSpice's picture

dogs such as that end up in

dogs such as that end up in shelters after being neglected for so long. the dog is just being a dog like a very small child. its a shame no one has bothered to train the dog. its not his fault.

at least pets never grow up to me monsters children and adolescents. they are always loving and trusting. some people should never have pets.

fairyo's picture

Yes! Sounds your OSD and mine

Yes! Sounds your OSD and mine could be sisters, except she doesn't have a dog, but the batting eyelids she does (did) and even taught her daughter to do- I told the grandskid straight away that that wouldn't wash with me! They have guinea pigs which were cuddled to death for a couple of weeks and then forgotten about when the kitten came along. I only found out that BM doesn't go to OSD's house, when she was supposed to feed the cat when they were away and fed the wrong cat because she didn't know what they cat looked like! I would never care for skid's pets- if DH chooses that's his look-out but I would never have them here.
OSD is incredibly controlling and that is mostly why I disengaged. She could never control me and she knew that- now I'm out of the puppet show!

Fairy steps are sweet at the start, but you are soon on the road to nowhere...

SacrificialLamb's picture

My OSD is the same kind of

My OSD is the same kind of controlling. She grew up proud of her looks and her ability to get her way, so she never learned to have any substance. I guess she thought she didn't need substance? But she still bats her eyelashes, giggles, talks in a juvenile, girlish voice (she is in her 40's), tries to make herself look attractive thinking it will get help her case. I have not seen her in 2 years but I remember the last few times I saw her her DH was constantly saying "OSD, stop doing that". " OSD don't say that." OSD was being scolded by her own DH for things she should have been parented on growing up.

And when OSD doesn't get her way, look out. She either whines/complains to everyone who will listen about what a victim she is, or punishes the person who has disappointed her. OSD knows her father no longer has her on her Pedestal of Worship, and she is making him pay for that.

mapitout's picture

When you get right down to

When you get right down to it, the issue is between one and one's spouse, I'm speaking generally here. It's a revelation of where you feel your spouse places you in the mix, in many cases of what is despaired on STALK, it's about the DH not being clear across the board about what is acceptable and not acceptable where you and he are concerned. On the one hand the two of you married each other, which in and of itself symbolizes devotion and trust and when he condones vitriolic behavior, covert or overt, you feel un-safe and questioning of his motivation in marrying you if he's not willing to stand up for the same values that he treats his children with. Either spouse whose children play their bio parent in this way, no matter their age need to be addressed, it will not sever the love and if it does, the bio parent has and has had bigger problems than they realized! MHO!

sandye21's picture

"It's a revelation of where

"It's a revelation of where you feel your spouse places you in the mix,---" I agree. This was the thing that angered me the most just after I disengaged from SD. To tell the truth, SD was so obnoxious I could have cared less if I ever saw her again. But to know you are married to a man who does not place his marriage as a top priority really hurts. For me, the only way to get beyond this was to make myself top priority, to make life meaningful and happy. It works mostly but there are those times when I see people who are devoted to each other, with love in their eyes when they look at each other or talk about one other. It's moments like these you regret that you 'settled' for a 'respectful' relationship rather than a totally loving one. There are times you question not only DH's motivation for marrying you but his motivation for staying.

This lack of devotion is picked up by the skids and they can use it to their benefit. I honestly believe that if DH had prioritized his marriage and demonstrated to SD that we were a united couple, that his marriage had as much importance to him as his fatherhood, the relationship SD and I now have with each other (which is none) would be very different. You would think that our DHs would realize that by supporting us and showing their love for us to their children, how much easier it would be for everyone in the long run. SD and I may have never really liked each other but instead of unbalanced respect there would have been mutual respect.

ldvilen's picture

I agree with you so much on

I agree with you so much on this, sandye21, "It's moments like these you regret that you 'settled' for a 'respectful' relationship rather than a totally loving one." After years of doing research on the topic and blogging off and on, I'm beginning to honestly wonder if this is, in some ways, the only type of relationship or best? relationship you can ever have with someone who has been married before and has children? Don't know. Just seems like SMs are always expected to settle for being sloppy seconds. DHs are raised in a society where BMs and children are be all and end all. Not that there is necessarily anything wrong with that. But, since the image projected by Am. society is that there is little place for divorced dads, then it follows that there is even a lesser place for the wives of divorced dads. It's a societal issue, and I suspect it will take many years for society to catch up and see true value in all types of parents.

Best thing for step-mom to do at weddings--either go looking like Sofía Vergara in a red dress and play the flaming 2nd wife to the max., or avoid the whole thing and plan a spa day with friends, people who actually care about you.

mapitout's picture

There is little place for

There is little place for divorced women, too, moms or not, in American society. Go solo to a gathering of mostly couples and see how the flock of buzzards is ready to dive, often times the one person to be friendly is the messenger for the others......I wish I could go with DH somewhere looking like Sofia Vergara, it's actually more the latter these days!

blueskies4me's picture

Don’t lend or give them

Don’t lend or give them anything ever again. Block the whole lot on the social medias.

Ghost them. Be happy.

Focus on your real kids, as it should be.

Good luck.

Not my kid, not my problem!

12342004's picture

Hi I feel your pain I’m in

I feel your pain
I’m in same boat
Secret text, family discussions all hush hush all because of 2 spoilt brats
I’ve had 22 yrs of it and just debating whether to dis engage
I’m scared , well petrified really as because I’ve kept my gob shut hubby thinks it’s all rosy
After they split us up and we got back together 5 yrs ago I said I would sit on fence and keep quite
They just use him as a cash cow
Even though they are now 28&29 they now have started to breed so the crap all starts again
Grandkids are a good porn to play in getting money
I’ve found out that daddy has been funding new house and furnishing it etc car Petrol it’s sickening
She talks and treats him like she the wife!!!
I’m done I want nothing to do with them
But unsure how it will affect my marriage as they have such strong power over hubby and in laws
I wish you luck
My plan is when he sees them to do something I want to do or go see my friends etc etc
The feelings of being left out will hurt but no more than the secrets now - it’s the same
Treat yourself BIG time when he’s with them you suffered enough - get dressed up and have some me time

momjkm's picture

I can so relate to all of

I can so relate to all of DH refuses to even approach his DS 27/31..they have never made an effort to make any type of connection with me and my kids ages 17,23,26. My ss's have these devil wives that have their balls in a vice 24/7. When they did come to my house the wives were usually arms length away at all times.. really f***ed up behavior. I have been with him for 7 years and married for 4. My DH makes up excuses for them for every issue I bring to the table. I did not sign up for this. About to hit him with couples counseling, just might be wasting my time. I thought this was my happy ending- not stepping into hell. I moved an hour away from my older kids to do my part to blend our families. He and his kids have done nothing. Still can't wrap my head around it all...

vulcan40's picture

Thanks for all the comments.

Thanks for all the comments. My dh saw osd and told her this cannot continue and she needs to apologise to me. Her response is she has done nothing wrong and won’t apologise and I should be apologising for deleting her off social media. My eh wants me to let it go but no I’m not, she’s a liar and I won’t engage with her anymore. If she chooses not to let him see sgd because of this that’s her choice, im sure she prefers them having their secret coffees and lunches anyway. Cashed not to step foot in my house unless she can be respectful apparently she always is!! What a crock of shite!