kittykat179's picture

Physically assaulted by SD

Hi everyone. I'm new and this is my first post. I was physically assaulted (punched 3 times in the head, pushed hard into wardrobe and thrown at a door) by my 16 year old 5'10" 100kg SD. I got the Police out the next day but I chose not to charge her. I have lumps and bruises on my back, side of my face, hand and back of the head. This is not the first time. My partner is supportive of me but doesn't punish her as much as I think is reasonable (grounded for a month). She's recently been expelled from school too for smoking marijuana. She lives full time with us as her mum has other kids and is an ex drug addict and used to give her smokes and weed. I feel so mad at her and my partner.

Indigo's picture

Why did you not pursue

Why did you not pursue charges?

Who did you give away your power to -- SD or SO? (You handed your life over to someone else and I'm just wondering.)

Mountain meet molehill; molehill meet mountain.

Parents lie down and allow the children and grandchildren to run forth-and-back, and back-and-forth: "Roadkill parenting."

Consider your gene pool and your finances.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

This isn't the first time she

This isn't the first time she has physically assaulted you and you are still there why? Your partner is not supportive of you if he has let this happen more than once. I'm guessing the violence gets worse every time she comes after you. It is only a matter of time until you end up in the hospital.

Why are you continuing to put your kids in this situation? What happens when she goes after one of them? Or what happens when your kids try and defend you?

Sorry my post is mostly questions - but I am having a hard time understanding this. Can you give us some more back story that might help us understand your situation?

kittykat179's picture

Her Dad pretty much brought

Her Dad pretty much brought up her and her sister on his own and has not been as strict on them with certain things. Her mum is not a good role model. I work in child protection in a social work role so I know how hard it can be for kids who have grown up in difficult circumstances. I want her to be punished but then I feel like a bad person for wanting this. But yes she does have the control.

Disneyfan's picture

She has the control because

She has the control because you and her father gave it to her.
Why in the world are you making the CHOICE to live in that home?
Hell, why did you make the choice not to beat her was the first time she hit you?

Every adult in the home is giving her permission to do this to you

"Some of you nonstepparents should have disclaimers in your signature lines. Disney isn't a SM any more, but her's could read, "Was a SM. That shit is for the birds! I don't hate all SMs, though. I'm cool."" LadyFace

SMforever's picture

If you really do work in a

If you really do work in a social work department, go for advice to your boss and tell them the truth about what is happening at your home. Sounds like you are a victim who cannot break free from a cycle. Please recognise there is no shame in admitting to being a victim.

No one should "feel like a bad person" for wanting to take control away from a perp, no matter who they are. A violent 16 year old can do the same harm to you as a legal adult. This is no longer about keeping it all nice, she has crossed a boundary and no one is stopping her.

You may need to leave the situation altogether. Start thinking about what you will do when SO sides with SD.

fairyo's picture

The flags here don't sound

The flags here don't sound promising- her mum was a junkie, she's getting in trouble at school, she's aggressive and physically violent, she on weed, (probably making her paranoid) and your DH is unsupportive.
I had some of these problems with my son (although he was never aggressive to me) but a SS?? You don't need those things in your life lady.

Fairy steps are sweet at the start, but you are soon on the road to nowhere...

thinkthrice's picture

press charges--biodad's

press charges--biodad's reaction will tell you whose side he's really on.
Then the decision whether or not to pursue this relationship will be made for you.

Author of "The Guilty Parent Trap"--Amazon Kindle

twoviewpoints's picture

Do you really think grounding

Do you really think grounding this 16yr old SD for a month is going to change anything? The SD physically attacked you. She meant to do harm. You're fortunate the SD didn't have a weapon...she very well the next go round.

Your profile says you are a new SM. How long have you been in this situation? I'm sure you don't need me to tell you this is something to take very seriously and grounding this young violent soon to be an adult is not the answer. She was obviously angry at you over something when she beat you... how will reminding her 'no, you are grounded and can't go do this or that' is going to make her behave? Pfft. You remind her she's grounded and she just may do more physical harm to you.

You work in CPS? If you were called on a case where there were children in the home and one of the older children were physically beating on the parent , would you leave the younger children in the home to be possible next victims? Would you leave these younger child in possible harms way and to continue to witness such violence in their home.

I can tell you, where I live, you would have not been given the option of deciding whether to press charges, the arriving policeman would have arrested the young lady and pressed charges for you. Charges which may or may not have been later dropped, but the girl would have been handcuffed and taken away. And the girl would not have been allowed back near the victim (you) for at least four 24hr periods (even with charges dropped). Which would mean the girl would not be allowed to return to the home for at least 96hrs.

This isn't a teen who refused to clean her room and told you to go to h*ll. No. This is a teen she got angry at you , for whatever reason, and chose to physically beat you. This is above and beyond normal teen behavior and instead describes a very emotionally unhealthy person. How long are you going to protect this teen from her own actions? At what cost to you and your own children?

This young lady needs some serious help in controlling her anger and probably for whatever cause is bringing forth such extreme anger. Grounding her isn't going to do it. Pretending it didn't happen and *shrugs* hopefully won't happen again isn't going to end it either.

As a mother, you owe it to your own children to get them away from this environment. As a father, your Dh owes it to his daughter to seek the help she needs and to also protect his other child.

sammigirl's picture

WOW! NO WAY! My SD attack me

WOW! NO WAY!

My SD attack me with a two page email, verbal only. I printed it out, took it to DH, told him to nip it with her, no more of this social media crap! Then I took it to my Attorney for steps to gain a "Protective/no contact Order". I told DH and SD my Attorney has it on file and I will retain a Court order if it ever happens again.

I also told DH that SD56 is not welcome in our home, unless she shows me respect. One word of disrespect or aggression on her part, I show her the door; if there's a problem, I call Law Enforcement for "keep the peace" and have her escorted off the property; she will NEVER be welcome again. I have the Police number on speed dial in my phone.

I am not threatening this woman, I am promising my SD56 that she will go to jail, the next time she tries anything with me.

Just saying, if you let this go, it's your fault. Set boundaries with your DH and SD NOW or expect to have hate, discontent, and drama in your home forever. If your SD has a drug or anger problem, tell DH to get her help or she is out!

Good Luck.

I am going to do what I love, when I love, and I'm going to love doing it.

Goodluck's picture

Please provide your reason

Please provide your reason for not pressing charges.

The second type of triangulation is a cross-generational coalition in which one parent forms a coalition with the child against the other parent. This is the type of triangulation involved in the pathology traditionally called “parental alienation”.

lintini's picture

You need to start therapy to

You need to start therapy to find out why you are okay living in this situation.

You need to leave and you need to press charges.

Get your kids and yourself away from this toxic relationship.

Parrots vs Stepson
Messy, loud, and they repeat what you say (and they pick up the bad stuff first)

Acratopotes's picture

I am sorry to say but you and

I am sorry to say but you and DH are to blame for her actions. You allow her to treat you like scum, why do I say this, she assaults you and you do not press charges? Yes you handed her the control of the house.....

You should've pressed charges, she could've ended up in a place where she could've gotten clean, I am sorry but you and DH are to blame for her behavior.

My SD tried to grab me, I pressed charges against her, and for the next 5 years she can't touch any one, yes she was a minor when it happened, I requested no formal charges just a record (on Mars this then stands for 5 years and if she should touch any other person pressing charges, this one will count) My stance - If you are old enough to lift your hands to an adult, you are old enough to take the consequences

Blended family life turned me into a pirate....
All I want to do is drink Rum and stab people

Rags's picture

So call the police tell them

So call the police tell them that you will be charging her after all and have them come frog march her off to jail in handcuffs never to return. File an RO keeping her far away from you and your home.

If your DH does anything but fully back you in his then boot his ass out the door. That he didnt beat his spawn to a bloody pulp for assaulting his wife says far more than I need to know about your waste of manhood of a husband.

And... why didn't you beat her to within an inch of her toxic crotch dropping of a life in self defense? A lamp over the head works wonders in dealing with anyone who would assault you.

Not holding her accountable to the fullest extent the law will allow just perpetuates her status of a waste of skin violent useless crotch nugget.

Call the police back.... NOW!

A parent is an example, mentor, confidante, advocate and disciplinarian, not a buddy.-Rags
If you can't listen and learn then you will have to feel.-WLR
If you want to be a part of my life then use your head or STFU and do what you are told.-Rags