I'm not a dad, I'm a mom and stepmom, but I can tell you that you'll need more than your opinion that you'd be the better parent. From the sounds of it, you very likely would be the most stable and better parent ... but the court isn't just going to take your word on it.

Your lawyer may be giving you a very realistic legal opinion , which is making you feel the lawyer doesn't understand. But he/she deals with custody/divorce cases on a routine basis and I would think he/she knows what will fly in the court room and what won't. I take he/she is telling you 50/50 may be your best hope?

Sometimes going in it takes longer to build a case against someone (through time and documented proof). Not working , jumping into a new relationship, being a bit flighty and insisting the child call the new guy 'Dad' probably isn't strong enough to allow Mom only sometime like EOWE and dinners on Wednesday. Lots of fathers receive joint 50/50, but few yet receive full primary without having serious proof of abuse, neglect, drug addict, alcoholic and so forth.

Even being the best to be able to provide financially will not likely get you awarded custody. Men have made big movements in custody cases compared to a number of years ago, but 50/50 is going to still be considered in the best interest of the child , unless serious proof that the best interest of the child is indeed one parent over the other.

Your parenting plan which will be lined out in your final CO though can state things 1) parents can not bad mouth each other 2)child shall not call stepparent "Mom" or "Dad" 3) ROFR (rights of first refusal) where the opposite parent gets first claims to have the child in the event the parent themselves are not available to care of child for x amount of hours 4) some even include no adult overnights when child is present (that one won't work here if Mom is getting married).

On the other hand, if perhaps you believe your lawyer is not up to par in handling your particular case, you can always consult with a second lawyer to see if his/her thoughts of chances are the same as your current lawyer. Not all lawyers are created equal.

The other thing is, if Mom is hospitalized often (why?) you may be able to show she is not physically capable of being present to parent the child on a regular 50/50 time share. I will assume, as you didn't mention it, that these are not mental hospitalizations nor a chronic illness.

not a bio dad here.... but my 2cents...

Step back, you are done with this woman, you did not have a successful marriage you can have a successful divorce. She will try and turn your son against you, you can stop it without war...

1. If your son feels comfortable calling SF - Dad... so be it, you know you are his Dad... it will simply make it easier for BS under his vile mother, and believe me that little sweet SD will have a tantrum if another kid starts calling her Dad .. Dad....

2. Make sure you have 50/50 for now, CO states it, all you fight for is your time with BS... you do not give in to her demands, your time with your son, you take it, not even the kid can tell you NO... children do not have a say in this until they are not minors anymore.

3. Never talk bad about BM or SF, never.. think it don't say it, always be your son's father, children are not stupid they know where they are loved, and keep boundaries between yourself and BM very tight.. parent your son, do not coddle him and do not let him get away with things to win him over.

I agree with the comments above. It's annoying that your SO is telling your child to call another person Dad and also know in advance that if you ask your child to call another person Mom, your SO will likely freak out, but it's not worth the fight. You can remind your child that you're his dad, but trying to convince your ex that she shouldn't ask your child to call her new man "dad" is a losing battle, especially if she does have a personality disorder. BM in my case did the same thing, moved a new man in three months after kicking DH out and then told the kids that this new man was their dad and she and this new man were "your parents". Sometimes it bothers DH and other times it doesn't. Either way, his ex wife does likely have a personality disorder, so it's not worth arguing over.

Some words of advice if your ex does in fact have a personality disorder, then you'll need to prepare yourself. My best advice, based on experience is that it's best to completely separate yourself from her as soon as possible. Approach parenting in a very transactional manner, following the CO down to the letter (as soon as you have one). Deviations only provide opportunity for conflict and conflict is a way that personality disordered people retain connection to and control over their ex spouses. Communicate as little as possible with her and only in writing, preferably email. Look into programs like Our Family Wizard. Look into parallel parenting. Have as much detail about how your interact written into your custody order.

You need a really specific, detailed CO. The best way to avoid conflict with a HCP person is to have an agreement that you stick to, to a T. Insist on 50 / 50 (most states now favor 50 / 50 if both parents have the means and desire to provide it), have switchover times happen via the school (i.e. one parent drops off and the other parent picks up) to limit contact, fight for whatever it is you think you'll want going forward (i.e. don't assume your ex will "compromise" later), when you're working on the CO don't just think about now, but think about 5 years from now (i.e. don't agree that your ex can prevent your child from being around a future SO for you or give your ex wife the authority to "approve" anything in your personal life, like where you live).

During the mediation / negotiation sessions stick to the proposal and don't get caught up in the emotional drama that your ex will likely try to create. Ask your lawyer if he / she has ever been part of a high conflict divorce. If not, suggest that he / she read up on high conflict divorces. Your ex has one distinct advantage over you - she's a woman and for whatever reason, people feel sympathy for the poor, defenseless, single mothers during divorce cases. My DH's ex wife was abusive to him during their marriage (as determined by 2 counselors, including their marriage counselor), but has successfully managed to present herself as the victim during their entire divorce. At their last mediation (which she demanded because she thought she was going to get DH to agree to concessions that favored her), she literally spent the whole session sobbing and pretending she was going to throw up.

Good luck! If your ex does have a personality disorder, you're in for a wild ride. Just try to remove yourself from her life as much as possible and focus on your child and your relationship with your child.

BM telling me that he WILL call new SD DAD, because "he's not just his step dad" - whatever that means." Major RED Flag.

BM appears to be saying that you are not your son's birth-father, if there is any doubt, have a private DNA test done to find out. If this is the case, he is still your son in your heart and will always be.

Document EVERYTHING that's said, done or happens. Keep it like a journal, send screenshots of texts to email and print them out for Judge. Try and communicate with bm via text so you have proof. Keep notes of what you and your child do together. Try and recall all hospital visits and reasons. Personally, if you want full custody, I'd go for it. If judge says no, they'll still go for 50:50 instead.

And, if you're not happy with lawyer at this stage, get a new one. This is too important to mess up.

I'm guessing you've made your supervisor/boss/HR aware of volatile personality of wife, in case she attempts to interfere again?

Just my two cents.

Look into a bio dads support forum, google specifically mens divorce forum. They are very helpful to men in every process of the custody issue. They are pretty blunt, but a great resource.

Info I share with my single father friends:

I don't know if any of my friends have used this info, but I always recommend this site, to at least read up on:

http://www.fathersrights.org/

But everyone has already stated the most important info: record and take pictures of everything. Voice recorders for calls with her, or hidden on your person while face to face (look up voice recorder laws for in your state, in mine only 1 party has to be consenting to have voice recording of the party -basically you - or if it's illegal unless the 2nd party consents to it, but I'd do it anyways just as a backup, especially if you don't have a good memory for face to face conversations), or ask a friend or family member to always be a witness when dealing with her in person, etc. Always have a witness or a recording. Also, the advice to be the better parent usually pays off. If you don't bad mouth her, but are honest when the kid asks questions about whats going on, and parent the best you can, those are always the best examples. A lot of the time I hear about my friends kids standing up to the other parent about them being an A$$hole about the other parent for no reason other than to be vindictive. A lot of the time it seems the kid responds to honesty and the parent who doesn't bad mouth the other. It also can be said that if you can prove you're financially the stablest parent you might get close to full custody. I've heard from a teacher that 50/50 custody is rough on the kids, and even 40/60 is better in providing them stability and less emotional problems. If you can get at least 60% I think it will be better for your kids stability and mental health, not to mention if you don't live in the same city, and their education and friendships.

Best luck.

Get the school attendance records. Our BM was crazy like this and she got nabbed for educational and medical neglect. She also got nabbed for Parental Alienation. DH got sole custody. Save the texts, most judges don't like parents forcing kids to call the steps mom or dad.

Wow...just wow!
Continually amazed that ppl such as your ex exist.
On another note
1. He is NOT nor will ever be Dad!(I am a stepmom and instructed both SSs early on to call me by my name-they can call me whatever they like after we get to know eachother well but until then it is my name)
2. I do not know your ex but I would go to court RIGHT NOW even if it is only to establish visitation schedules (they will be handy immediately but even more when schoolage hits