You are here

Adult 23 y/o stepson still comes over with 17 y/o brothers visitation schedule, is disrespectful and a slob.

Txlesa2's picture

I have been married 16 years, it has been difficult with step kids but it seems worse now that one is 23. Our dynamic is difficult, I have one child in her 30's that has never lived with us and she has an adopted child age 13 that stays with me on the weekends that my husbands sons are there. The 23 yr old Son that still comes over with his brother on his visitation schedule is making me miserable. The 23 y/o is in last year of college and is a slob, disrespectful to me, doesn't help with anything. I don't want him there on the visitation schedule any more. He can visit His dad anytime he wants just no overnights. This adult Step Son says things like "Bite me" to me when he doesn't like what I say, rolls eyes when asked to clean up after himself. He doesn't like me at all and that is another story about his BM talking bad about us when he was a kid. However I have supported these kids and bought vacations, Christmas every year, school functions and have always been treated with dismissal. His dad always takes the kid's side, makes excuses and says I am overreacting. When his adult son is disrespectful he always takes their side and then says something terrible about my grandson. My grandson has sucked up His kids know it all attitude and plain meanness towards him for years, because he got some of dad's attention, those kids don't want to share dad who does all for them and asks nothing from them. He serves them. Well I am considering leaving because I can't take 1 more year of his kids. I use to think If I can just get through this I will be first in His life, who am I kidding, once grandkids start I will be left out again. Love isn't suppose to be so hard and when an adult child comes into my home like I owe him I say enough. Sleep at your moms house. U can visit all u want but keep your clothes at the house that is taking the tax deduction for your 5 year college degree. The funny part to this is I am a therapist, I am the one people come to for answers Lol. My answer run far far away from step anything. So is it Wrong to tell 23 y/o to sleep at Moms?

fairyo's picture

No it isn't wrong- here in Fairyland 23 year olds can marry, raise children, own a home, have a job, fight for their country, vote in elections and pay taxes. They are no longer classed as children unless they have special needs. Let him grow up.

sandye21's picture

If your Grandson visits your home and is respectful to DH then you should expect the same from SS. Make a deal with DH. If he allows his son to be rude to you you will say nothing if your Grandson is rude with him.

The 'overreacting' comment is standard 'gas lighting'. DH is trying to make you question yourself and create self doubt because he is too much of a coward to do what is right. I put up with this for 20 years before I finally put my foot down. If my SD said, "Bite me" she would be, as BrightFuture suggested, "pounding sand".

I would suggest saving up and creating a possible exit plan.

still learning's picture

All of the *children* that visit your home need to abide by the same rules. Easy to say right? But in reality there is no way to enforce his kids to do anything. My own kids have chores, have to make their beds, do their laundry, mow the yard, dog walking....etc and they sure as h#ll better be respectful to DH.

When ss32 used to come over and stay for a few nights he did nothing but demand me go shopping and do maid service for him while he got stoned. His welcome wore thin real fast and DH was too scared to set him straight. ss32's behavior and DH's non action just about ended our marriage because as I told DH, I married him not skid.

You sound like a smart lady and your answer "run far far away from step anything" may be spot on for your situation. Have you considered LAT "Living Apart Together?" That way DH would get all the joy of dealing w/his kids during their visits and you can keep your sanity and your marriage.