You are here

4 year old still having "accidents."

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

So I'm once more throwing away underwear because I refuse to wash "accident" pairs. I don't mind "We need to work on wiping better" but this isn't the case.

The kids just left. About 2 hours ago SO and I were lying in bed and started playing around. Wrestling, tickling, trying to push each other off the bed and such and the kids came in and joined. It was actually really sweet cause his oldest was protecting me. Anyways one of my cats jumped up too and the youngest climbs over us to get to him and I can smell it. I get SO's attention.

He asked the kid if popped his pants at which point the child says yes. When asked why he said "cause I need to go to the bathroom" and yep there's more than just a little.

We know the kid CAN go when he needs to. SO spoke to the doctor also and we've had plenty of clean weekends. This really is a case of the child choosing not to go. We think he just doesn't want to stop what he's doing to take the time and go..... at the same time the second this kid gets told to do something (eat dinner, go to bed) it's "I've got to go."

My thought is if he's going to have accidents like these we need to be proactive. I've never done the potty training thing but if I'm correct one method is to have the child sit on the toilet at set intervals and try to go.

Any reason this would be bad to do? The kids been potty trained over a year and this is a reoccurring issue that every time I think we're past it comes back. We don't mean to shame him but if he's not going to go because he's too busy I think this is a good way to stop that. After a few days of having to stop everything every 2 hours to sit on a toilet for a few minutes maybe he'll do it on his own?

I talked to SO and he understands that I expect him to take the lead on this. He's willing to help fix this but as clueless as I am. We don't think BM will be a help though as she in the past denies he has a problem. His underwear stains tell me different.

Adding this after seeing so much feedback-
Thank you. Like I said SO and I were considering having him go weather he needs to or not every so many hours. I really just needed feedback. SO will just have to take the lead on making the child leave whatever he is doing to go try and use the restroom.

Comments

strugglingSM's picture

How does he feel about wearing diapers? If he no longer wants to wear diapers, you could use that as a disincentive for going when he needs to. That is tell him that he when he needs to go to the bathroom, he is supposed to stop what he is doing and go to the bathroom like a big boy, otherwise he'll have to wear diapers again.

You could also try making him sit on the potty every couple of hours and only allow him to stop doing that if he can show you that he's able to go when he needs to.

Four is actually not that old to keep having accidents, especially for boys. My friend's son was nearly four when he potty trained because before that he didn't want to stop what he was doing, either. She would put him in underwear and he would wet himself and keep playing in wet pants. The only thing that helped her was that his sister was born when he was almost four and he didn't want to be wearing diapers like the baby.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

He's not peeing and it doesn't happen over night or when there's a strong enough incentive which is why I don't think they are really accidents. Over the summer he went to a day camp. He was told point blank if he had "accidents" they would kick him out. He made it the whole week with no issues and that continued for a long while.

Diapers would not work. First I personally feel wrong about it. Second I know BM wpuld habe an absolute fit over it.

I don't think SO would approve of using pull ups either nor am I sure they would work. Pull ups wouldn't be as embarrassing but I'm afaird it would on increase the issue because then he could be lazy.

That's why I'm thinking having him sit on the toilet every few hours would work best. He's not going because he doesn't want to stop playing. Doing that would make him stop more then if he just went like he should.

notsobad's picture

My neice wouldn't go pee or poop.They were and are still an intact family.

She'd hold it for a variety of reasons. Sometimes she just didn't want to stop what she was doing, but mostly it was because her Mom had inadvertently made her afraid of public washrooms and it eventually became any washroom.

She was afraid that a stranger would harm her, or watch her, or take her picture.
She also thought they were dirty and she'd get a disease, that fear transferred to all bathrooms.

In an effort to keep her daughter safe, she ended up putting her in the hospital.

The hospital was going to have to put a catheter in and do an enema on a 5 year old! After a long talk and tears she finally sat on the toilet to pee. They gave her some laxatives and again after tears and a lot of pleading, she pooped.
It took a good 6 months of counselling and watching her mom go in every public toilet in the city to get her back to normal.

I guess what I'm saying is whatever you're going to do, start yesterday. Don't let it become a big deal but don't let him hold it.

Lemonygirl's picture

My d's at age 6 started having very stained and dirty underwear.. I talked until blue in the face only to find out at the Dr. There is a condition, she was holding it, and the fluid around the poop was leaking out! She could not help what was happening. Please consult with the pediatrician. We got on a behavioral program and a mild laxative and worked through it.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

He is in PreK and we have picked him up to find he had an accident at school but it appears that he hides it from the teacher. Again not just didn't wipe well.

When asked about it BM at first tried to deny it was happening. She later stated that it sometimes happens because "he can't get his pants down quick enough" but the child's clothing is the typical elastic waste bands so the delay isn't just in the bathroom but getting there in the first place.

SO was / is concerned that he is hiding it from the teacher since it's only increasing his 'comfort' of sitting in dirty underwear. He can not stay in preschool if he isn't potty trained.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I remember hearing horror stories of getting me potty trained... I don't think it's as uncommon as you might think. SD4 still has the occasional accident as well. Normally just at nigh, but I found a pair of poop stained panties she tried to hide the other day... So just hang in there and do what everyone else is suggesting with reminding him to use it!

z3girl's picture

My DS5 still has frequent accidents. Not as many as a few months ago, but he still has them. He has ADHD, and the dr said it will take him a very long time to become fully potty trained if I don't want to medicate him. (I don't.)

He NEVER had/has accidents at school because he withholds. He withholds at home too because he doesn't want to stop playing, and then ends up having an accident. I'm SO tired of poop, but it is what it is. It's slowly getting better. When I'm lucky, I'll notice a light streak in his underwear, and then I tell him to go to the bathroom and he then poops. I don't mind light streaks. It's the full accident when he's hiding in the corner (his tell-tale sign) that drives me nuts.

Once they withhold, it can start a cycle of constipation and it then hurts to go. I've heard it only has to hurt once, and then they won't want to go anymore. There can be many reasons. But at 4, I'd cut the kid some slack. Yes, it's beyond annoying, but there can be many reasons why it's happening.

I also have a 6 year old who has NEVER had any kind of accident. Go figure. But he gets car-sick, so there's always something lol.