DaniAM73's picture

Personal space invaded

I would definitely like insight and opinions on this topic. I have two SS's, one is 15 and the other is 12. The 15 year old seems to have a problem with other people's personal space. Mine to be exact. I notice if I go in the kitchen to prepare something or just get a drink, here he comes. Not really even needing something. A few months ago I conceded to going to an event with them and DH. SS15 sat next to me and his knee kept touching mine. So I switched seats with his dad. Last summer a few times we were out he will walk in between me and his dad. So I move to the other side and some kind of way he weasels his way back in the middle of us. One Saturday we were playing a board game and he was all in my personal space. I had to tell him several times to stop leaning on my chair. I am not even sure why he needed to stand while playing a board game. The car is the worst. He will lean in the front from the back seat for the car charger.

Is he being annoying or am I tripping?

And no he and I do not have a great SM SS relationship.

hereiam's picture

That is weird. Is he like

That is weird. Is he like that with other people?

You don't think he could have a some kind of crush on you, do you? Not to gross you out and I don't necessarily mean sexual.

Maybe your husband needs to have a talk with him about personal space and if he won't, do it yourself.

DaniAM73's picture

I know what you mean.

I know what you mean. Unfortunately I don't know if he is like that with anyone else because I haven't been around him with other people. Part of me thinks he may not be aware of personal space. His mother is flirty and is often in some man's face. So perhaps he doesn't see anything wrong with what he is doing. But I will definitely have DH talk to him. Cuz it's annoying as all get out.

DaniAM73's picture

Thank you for the advice. He

Thank you for the advice. He isn't autistic but mental illness does run in the family on his mom's side. His mom is bipolar and he has an older brother who is in his 20's with mental issues. BM has been married three times. DH was # 3. Soooo....perhaps there might be some mental issues there. Moving forward I will definitely take your advice and start calling him out. As you suggested not in an angry or mean tone. Thank you.

DaniAM73's picture

Oh these are great. I like

Oh these are great. I like your style. I can't wait to say these. Now watch it never happen again, but that would be welcomed.

strugglingSM's picture

I had two thoughts: 1) He is

I had two thoughts:

1) He is trying to insert himself between you and your DH. I had one SS who did that, to the point where it became laughable. Every time DH would hug me when the kids were around, this SS would either try to get in the middle of the hug or need an immediate hug after (he was 10 at the time, so well old enough to not need a reassurance hug). My favorite was when we were all watching a movie together. SS had been sitting on one couch, other SS was sitting on a chair, and I sat on the second couch. DH came in about 20 minutes after the movie had started and sat next to me. SS - who had been perfectly happy where he was - came over and sat on DH's lap. DH said "get off" and pushed him away, because the kid never sits on his lap.

2) Since your SS is 15, do you think he maybe has a bit of a crush on you? Needing to be next to you and sitting with his knee touching yours seems like weird behavior for a 15 year old.

blueskies4me's picture

Yeah, my skid used to try to

Yeah, my skid used to try to usurp me. I quickly figured out his MO and prevented him from doing that. We do group hugs with our bios though (not skid eww) but our bios are very young still.

Not my kid, not my problem!

DaniAM73's picture

I am really hoping the ladder

I am really hoping the ladder is not the case. It makes me very uncomfortable and creeps me out. I am going to have to start speaking up. I thought he was just being his usual annoying self.

DaniAM73's picture

I am really hoping the ladder

I am really hoping the ladder is not the case. It makes me very uncomfortable and creeps me out. I am going to have to start speaking up. I thought he was just being his usual annoying self.

Gwynnafaye's picture

When my SS was around 13 or

When my SS was around 13 or 14, he would straight up look at my chest all the time. We were at a restaurant one day, and he kept looking and it made me uncomfortable. When SS got up to go to the bathroom, I told DH, and then quietly excused myself for a few minutes when he came back. DH told him to stop. Well, SS didn't stop, so DH gave me a signal to leave again, and when I did, he leaned over, said "Dude, that's my wife, and if you don't stop creeping her out, you and I are going to have a problem." Yes, he said this to his own son. I came back to the table, SS was beet red, and didn't look at me again the entire evening.

Love me or hate me, I'm still going to shine.

strugglingSM's picture

Haha - I'm going to remember

Haha - I'm going to remember this one! I can totally see my SSs doing that and I can also see my DH saying that, although if his kids aren't lucky, DH will just say it in front of everyone. He doesn't care about embarrassing his kids.

There have been a couple times where I thought SSs were looking at my chest, but it quickly passed. They're in middle school, so definitely getting to that age.

DaniAM73's picture

Good for your DH. Kudos to

Good for your DH. Kudos to him.

notasm3's picture

My SS was was at least 25-26

My SS was was at least 25-26 years old made a comment to DH about "how well put together I was". Now at the time although I was well into my 60s, I had a flat stomach and big boobs - but I did not consider this a compliment. It was just ICKY ICKY ICKY.

Plus even in my 20s I never put value on the fact that I was a pretty blue-eyed blonde with a great curvy figure. I always wanted to be recognized for being smart and accomplished. To me that was far more important.

"Education is not the filling of a pail, but rather the lighting of a fire." William Butler Yeats

DaniAM73's picture

Did your DH find his comment

Did your DH find his comment out of line? I am just curious. Yeah I would be creeped out as well.

Rags's picture

Oedipus complex much?

Oedipus complex much? Jawdropping! Confront this crap each and every time he pulls it. Zero tolerance.

A parent is an example, mentor, confidante, advocate and disciplinarian, not a buddy.-Rags
If you can't listen and learn then you will have to feel.-WLR
If you want to be a part of my life then use your head or STFU and do what you are told.-Rags

DaniAM73's picture

I intend Rags. I admit I

I intend Rags. I admit I thought he was being annoying at first. Not cool at ALL.