The kid is seven. No need for a phone. But yeah, Mommy says blah blah.

Until there is anything including into the parenting plan, she can squeal all she wants.

Take the phone and put it in kitchen on top of fridge or in basket on counter. Of course the child may use it. With permission (he asks can he call Mom) you take it down and let him make the call. Put back up when done.

Phone will not be going on outside the home trips (the kid isn't on 24/7 call). He can check for a voice mail when returning home. Phone will not be answered at all hours of time of day/evening. If there isn't a 'when can I call may kid' section in the CO/PP , this will be the biggest issue. Calls from Sd and BM four and five times a day with texting inbetween. Uh, no.

This is father's time. Nonstop calls are an intrusion on Dad's time. Decide how many and how long is reasonable and until the modification in CO/PP is made, stick to it.

Hush the seven year old right quick with 'hon, Daddy and I make the rules here, Yes, Mommy gave you a phone and yes, the phone is yours, but Mommy doesn't make the rules at Daddy's house'. The kid can use the phone with guidelines and some supervision. If that isn't good enough for BM, the phone can remain at her house and kid can use it all he wants at her house, but until a CO/PP states the kid can use it as often and whenever he pleases in Dad's house the Dad is still boss in Dad's home.

Good luck. Cellphone. Seven years old. *SMH* I wouldn't be surprised if BM has a tracker on that phone.

Do you have other rules for other devices, like a computer or tablet? If you all do, maybe follow the same rules.

Otherwise, your SO is the parent and makes decisions about what is and isn't allowed in his house. A "good" middle ground would be for SS to be able to use the phone in the house when asking to use it so long as it's during free time. However, if you all go out, the phone stays behind. If SS continues to argue about the phone, then your SO simply says, "fine, then since your Mom gave it to you to use and you don't want to follow my rules, you don't bring it to my house as you have access to a phone if you need it."

BM can cry and throw tantrums all she wants, but she can't force your SO to take the phone into his home or allow SS to have it. So long as your SO allows SS to talk to BM through some means, there is nothing she is really going to be able to do except throw a fit.

So first things first. Your DH needs to decide ASAP how he's going to handle this. The longer he does essentially nothing the harder it will be to change anything. His home is his home and only he has the right to make rules (excluding you of course). BM can whine and cry all she wants but if he says no phones there's nothing she can do. Even if she wanted to try and get it put into the CO or a parenting it would be hard to do. The child is 7. He does not NEED a cell phone and depending on what kind it is DH could even argue it is unsafe for him to have one (Unchecked internet access DANGER.) BM would have to prove that she is unable to consistency contact the children while they are in his care which I don't think is the problem. CO's normally state that phone contact must be allowed but it does state it has to be reasonable.

My SO had to deal with this issue just this past May. BM didn't talk to him at all just one day he gets a call from a new number. It's daughter saying BM got her a phone. He contacted BM and told her point blank that the cell phone would not be allowed in his home. When we picked the kid of for visitation he tried to have her give the phone to BM who went off. He had the girl go to the car while BM yelled about how he wasn't allowed to take it and she'd already talked to her lawyer. Well tough shit. BM has now power in his home. On night one he took the phone from daughter. She was upset about it but he explained. He did not approve of her having the phone in his home. She could have it at her mom's but while in his care she could use his to contact BM. She tried saying about how other family could contact her and I'll come back to that.

The first night the phone was sitting on the table and it rang. The girl didn't even hear it. Of course BM then calls SO yelling about him taking the phone away. He explained he hadn't yet but would be and that the girl still had it and she was the one who didn't answer. Well BM talks to the girl who confirmed the phone hadn't been taken yet. It was after that he took it. BM tried asking about it a few times and was told each time that it had been put up and she was only upsetting the girl by continuing to ask. She then tried having everyone and their dog calling SO while he was trying to sleep. So in fromed her that if she didn't cut the crap he would be contacting the lawyer since the CO only states that SHE has the right to call the kid AND it has to be at a reasonable time. If she didn't 'behave' she would be given an exact window to call and all other times would be off limits.

Anyways when the kids when back to moms the phone was handed back to her. We haven't seen or heard about it again. I've checked the kids bag (looking to make sure library books got put back in) and haven't seen it so honestly I think BM just gave up.

It was a clear attempt at invading our home that was met with a strong message that it would not be allowed.

No 7 year old needs constant contact with ANYONE. Sure if you want to let him have the phone at set times that's fine BUT it is your partners responsibility to keep the child safe while in his care. We felt the best way to do that was to remove the phone from the child while in our care since we couldn't supervise it to the level we felt it needed to be.

Now BM can whine about it belonging to her and him not having a right to take it. WRONG. He has every right to remove it from the boys possession while in his home. DH must return it to BM if it is requested. He MUST ensure that it returns to BM with the boy.

We even pointed out through the lawyers that we didn't want to be responsible for the psychical well being of the phone while it was in our home since children break things.

When SS comes to you just take the phone away from him. Turn it off. When he leaves for BM give him back the phone.
Your house,,, your rules. That really simple !!!

When SS comes to you just take the phone away from him. Turn it off. When he leaves for BM give him back the phone.
Your house,,, your rules. That really simple !!!

Your house, your rules.

I hope you can get you SO to see that ss does not need to have his cell phone at YOUR home. As "dontfeedthetrolls" said, the longer your SO waits the harder it will be to change.

My SS's Bm got him a phone. My dh felt he could not say anything as bm had every right to contact ss and ss had every right to contact bm. My dh just could not see that BM was simply using the cell phone as a tool of control and a way to invade our privacy. Also, my dh was simply afraid of bm as well as the skids.

Before bm got the cell phone for ss, she would call our house phone. BM always would give the skids the 3rd degree asking all kinds of questions. I remember answering our house phone and it was bm who then asked for ss. I handed the phone over to ss and can hear her ask questions about us.

BM:who was that, that answered the phone?
SS: Jam
BM: Is your dad home?
SS: yes
BM: When is your dads next days off?
SS: I don't know.

Anyway you get the picture.

We then got rid of the house phone and just had our cell phones. BM then gets SS his own cell phone. He was about 12 at the time.

So now we can't do anything or go anywhere without our time being invaded. I remember once we were in the car going to visit dh's mom when ss got a call. I could actually hear the conversation.

BM: Hi SS, what are doing?
SS: We are going to grannys.
BM: Who is with you?
SS: Dad, msd, & osd.
BM: Is jam with you?
SS: yes.
BM: I don't understand why she has to go!

Again, you get the picture.

I hated the fact that my dh would not do anything about her invading our time and I did not feel comfortable with ss having his cell phone when he was with us. I remember on one occasion ss & I were watching a movie. My dh worked nites and was gone. I was laying on the couch watching the movie and ss was laying on the floor. I briefly dozed off. I wake to ss laying on the floor holding the phone up and pointed my direction. I really think he WAS taking pictures of me and must say it is a horrible feeling not being able to relax in your own home.

IMHO: your ss's bm is using the cell phone as an excuse to invade YOUR time & privacy. I really hope you will and can nip it in the buttock!

Good luck!

The issue I would be almost more concerned about is that if the kid loses it at your house. Then you have BM calling saying "where is my phone you have to replace it!"

If she is claiming it has no games or internet, I would feel perfectly comfortable sitting down with the SS and checking out the phone with him to see what it can do and what's on there.

Then, I would require the phone to be put in a drawer when he comes... when he wants to check it or use it, he has to let one of you know.

Of course you don't want to prevent mom from contacting him, but you should also be able to limit the time your ss spends on such a device since the point of his visit is to be with dad.

Your answer to "well, it's my phone"....."It's our home, and these are the boundaries, concerning cell phones", among other boundaries and rules.

Simple, when he's in your home, he follows your rules.

My DH provided cell phones for OSS19 and MSS15. I have been with DH for 6 years and they had the phones when I came into the picture.

MSS is the worst one when it comes to allowing BM to invade our privacy. Anytime we had the SS's, MSS was texting BM a minute by minute account of what we were doing. I saw actual texts from BM asking questions like

"did you eat dinner?"
"What did you eat"
"did you like it"
"Did SM cook it?"
"What did you do after that?"
"Did you dad to XYZ??"

It was even worse when DH was at work and I was stuck with them (before I finally said no more) MSS and OSS would text and call BM and have her come pick them up. Only they wouldn't tell me they were leaving. They would just be gone. No goodbye, No BM is picking us up..Just gone. I made sure DH knew that I was no longer allowing MSS and OSS at the house when DH was not there.

THEN BM gets YSS10 a phone. And he started calling BM and boohooing about wanting to come home every time things weren't going his way. So I decided to handle it. I made sure the cell phone stopped working. I won't go into details as to how...but it took a while and it finally stopped working. BM didn't bother to get him a new one.

So peace has been restored.

I'll add down here that for me it's not just a matter of privacy and intrusion. It goes against my beliefs on how a child should be raised. I don't think kids that young need cell phones or any version of technology like it. My sister want's to get the kids tablets for Christmas. I told her point blank NO.

At that age the kids can use our phones and tablets with supervision. We've even discussed getting a small laptop for the kids after seeing that his daughter uses one in class BUT it would be kept in the living room and could only be used while one of us is in the room and able to monitor.

My thing is we don't want the kids glued to screens that young and that's what would happen. Tablets and phones are quickly taking over children's play time. They have a room full of toys, books, games, puzzles, ect to play with. They don't need to spend hours on a screen. They don't need to be calling / texting mom or anyone every other second. They need to be children.

My 18 yr old went off to college w/the crappy cracked screen flip phone I got him 2 years ago. He didn't get a phone until he was 16 and then it was a basic one. My 15 yr old wanted a phone so we just broke down and got a 9.99 house phone }:) I didn't have a cell phone until I was 30! There is no way I'd allow a 7 yr old to have unfettered access to a cell in my home. If it's a smart phone w/internet access that's even worse.

As a parent in your situation the phone would go into my hands when he walked through the door, be turned off, then given back to kid when he went back to his mothers. Any emergencies in your home will be handled since there will be adults present, no cell phone necessary for the child.

IF/SINCE DH doesn't want the phone there should NOT be a dilemma.

Why the dilemma?