lookingforlight's picture

divorce when you have a step child

Hi I decided to join the forum because I am at my wits end at what to do with my life. I really want a divorce and am so unhappy in my marriage but I'm scared to loose a lot of time with my daughter. My husband is very controlling and gets angry if i don't do what he says and hates it when I disobey him he's also been verbally abusive calling me selfish when I say I want to sleep instead of engage in sexual activity, he s also talked about doing things with other women. My worry is that I have no proof but I'm not a perfect parent and he has security cameras that he watches us through and I'm not sure who's favor thats in.

One of my biggest issues is my step daughter he has stated in the past that he would treat me differently if I was more affectionate towards her. But for me this is hard to do because she is constantly bulling my daughter she hits her tells her to shut up, calls her dumb, dumb baby and recently she has started calling her a bitch. my bio daughter still loves her tho despite the bullying. If I do get a divorce I'm wondering if my step Childs treatment towards my biological child will effect custody.
his daughter is 7 and the child we have together is 4

ESMOD's picture

I doubt the treatment by the

I doubt the treatment by the SD will impact custody. Your best bet is to consult with a competent family law atty to see what is a likely outcome in your case with all the variables taken into account.

Certainly if you have any proof of your DH being abusive in any way.. texts, voicemails etc.. preserve them. Your lawyer can give you the best strategy.

lookingforlight's picture

he has a lot of experience

he has a lot of experience with the court system so he knows not to says anything mean through text so I don't really have proof and the judges where I live all know and like him

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Get a good lawyer and

Get a good lawyer and RUN.

Try getting records / recordings of what you can but this is not a safe setting for you or your child.

Some days are hard but you just fight through them to get to the good ones.

BrightFuture99's picture

Footage from the security

Footage from the security cameras works both ways. Chances are some nasty behavior from the SD and crap your DH has said to you has been recorded. If you can access the video footage, save yourself a copy of the files to prove that your SD is a bully.

lookingforlight's picture

I don't know if I can its one

I don't know if I can its one of the cameras that connects to his phone

Disneyfan's picture



Your SD treats your daughter the same way her father treats you.

Stay with that jack ass of a man and your daughter will learn the same lessons your SD has learnt.

"Some of you nonstepparents should have disclaimers in your signature lines. Disney isn't a SM any more, but her's could read, "Was a SM. That shit is for the birds! I don't hate all SMs, though. I'm cool."" LadyFace

still learning's picture

I'm so sorry you're going

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Please be careful and if you do take any action do it discreetly. Your husband sounds like he's that type that will come unhinged if he knows you're filing. If you have family that can help let them help you.

I do suggest counseling to help you get through this situation and so that all of this can be documented by a professional.

And now I'll do what's best for me.

Aniki's picture

Your "DH" is abusing you and

Your "DH" is abusing you and your SD is abusing your daughter.

Please care more about your daughter and how this is affecting her physically and mentally. Document everything and see a lawyer ASAP.

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo