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Our camping trip

Cutter's picture

So's son was still sick on Thursday morning so I told SO that they probably wouldn't be going with us so I was going to take bs and his friend to a camping resort instead. I talked to his friends mom and got the okay and loaded all my stuff up. Friday morning as we were about to head out So called and said his sons fever broke overnight and do I still want company. I said sure but hurry since we were about to leave (7 am). He gets there 2 1/2 hours later since they had to pack and get the dogs to someone who could watch them and then get groceries. I'm a little annoyed since we were walking out the door at 7 am when he called. When they got here out pops a girl I have never seen and sd introduces her to me. I asked SO what was going on because my suv only holds 7 and this girl makes 8. He said her mom always felt bad that the boys had each other and sd had no one that sd was always allowed to bring a friend. He is just continuing it. He did apologize for not thinking of seating space. We had to take 2 cars for a 5 hour trip.

We followed each other up there and he allowed his dd to sit up front and she had her legs all over the dashboard of his suv. It is not only dangerous it's disgusting! I have a thing about feet on a dashboard. Then I get a text from from his dd saying they are stopping at the next exit for Golden Coral for lunch. So we pull off and we go in and eat and SO can't find his wallet. He spends 30 minutes outside pulling stuff off the suv and looking around it. I just paid because I got tired of standing there waiting for him. He comes in 25 minutes after the kids and I start eating and says he left it at the grocery store back home. The manager had it. He pulled me aside and said he spoke to his bank and they wouldn't let him withdraw any money without identification and he has nothing on him for gas. He asked if I would be willing to pay for everything (including his gas) and he would pay me back Monday night or take the kids with me to the campground and he would go back and get his wallet (he needs gas money)or he could take everyone with him and back but he didn't think that was fair to the kids. I told him I would pay but I expected to be reimbursed the second we get home. He agreed and apologized profusely. He eats and we head the last little bit to the campground.

We get there and I go in and pay and he comes in with me. He asked about going over ground rules again since there were 2 other kids with us. So we went out and went over the rules and SO's dd friend (X) was giggling and not paying attention which was highly annoying. It was like the topper of the cake I was just feeling very foul! I told her to hush up and pay attention. X and So's dd (M)both raised their eyebrows at me and I told them to quit looking so stunned and pay attention. SO gave them a stern look but asked me later to let him handle them next time. I told him fine but I handled it since he didn't and he said he was about to when I said something and that caused us to argue a bit while setting up camp. His dd (M) apologized to me for their behavior which made me feel bad since we were arguing in front of all the kids. We set up the tent and told the kids to go explore and stay together. We sat our chairs out and apologized to each other then talked about how bad the day had been.

We decided to rent a golf cart that seats 4 for us 2 to drive around in. We went looking for the kids to give them rides and we saw bs and his friend walking to the indoor pool by themselves. I asked where the other kids were and they were at the outdoor pool. I told him they were to stay together. We gave them a ride back and I told So's older son they were supposed to stay together and he said he isn't a babysitter. Ds decided to leave and go off on his own and he wouldn't leave ds but he won't chase him either. SO agreed with him that ds left and he needs to be the one in trouble. I talked to ds and his friend and reminded him of the rules.

At dinner time ds and his friend made hot dogs for everyone and cleaned up. The kids played basket ball till 10 and then came back to camp. 8 people do not fit well in a 10 person tent and 4 sweaty teenage boys smell really bad. We let the boys sleep by the door and I thought it would be best to have (M) and her friend sleep on the other side of me (boys together and girls together) and on my other side was SO. I slept hard till I heard (M) and felt her leaning over me to wake SO up. I asked her what was wrong and she said she needed her dad. I woke SO up and she told him she didn't feel good and needed to go to the bathroom. She was up and down to the bathroom the rest of the night and SO had to go with her so neither of us got any sleep. The next morning she was running a fever and SO decided it was best to take her home since his older son just had it and it involved lots of puke. He took all of his kids with him and promised ds that we would make the trip up.

Ds, his friend and I had a great rest of the trip. I missed SO but apparently it was the right decision to go home as his other son started puking not long after he got home. When I got home yesterday evening SO was sitting on my stoop with a dozen roses and an envelope to pay me back. He insisted on paying for the whole trip and the lunch that I bought for everyone. He also had a gift certificate for a massage in there to make up for this weekend. I think he is a keeper!

I had to run to the bathroom twice while typing this and ds's school just called. I think they shared their sickness with ds and I.

Comments

bananaseedo's picture

All kinds of wrong on that trip huh? Sounds like a nightmare all around. We're going camping this weekend, with NO kids and TAKING the dog, sounds much better then yours lol

Cutter's picture

It was pretty bad. SO just called me to tell me he is sick to. When I told him bs and I have it he offered us to come over and netflix with him. I'd rather puke and crap my brains out at my own home, thanks!

Cutter's picture

Bringing a friend for his dd is his normal since he has always done that, he admitted he didn't even think about asking but he will make sure from now on. That says progress to me.

He should have stayed home with sick kid but I think we were really both excited for our trip and since his fever broke neither of us objected. Both of us made bad parenting decisions. Him bringing him and me allowing it......now we pay for our mistake.

He is a great parent, his kids are a/b honor roll and respectful. I think he is great at parenting but he made a poor decision like I did. Does that mean I am a bad parent?

I love that me was waiting on me to get home, unloaded my car for me and brought me flowers and a massage certificate. Not to mention he had my money waiting on me before i got home and he paid for the entire trip. I think he did really good!

Cutter's picture

I don't think that will happen. He has agreed to move forward and that's what we are doing. He agreed to go slow and see how his kids react. He knows I am not wasting my time and if he can't commit then I will leave.

DaizyDuke's picture

How in the world did your SO mange to wrangle up a friend for SD to bring with her at 6-7 a.m.?? I mean if they were not planning to go, until he woke up Friday and SS fever had broke, where did this friend come into play??

Cutter's picture

It's her best friend and she had spent the night. They called her mom sometime between 7 and 9:30 to get permission, I guess. I didn't ask.

WTF...REALLY's picture

He had a kid sleep over when one of his kids had a fever the night before???? And the mom let her???

Cutter's picture

She doesn't have a good home life and SO's house is a safe place for her. She spends the night there when her mom is on a bender and bringing home strange men. SO says she spends a lot of time with them when her mom falls off the wagon and she fell off this week. He said it'll be 2 or 3 months before she will go back to rehab and then the cycle starts over.

IDontCare3117's picture

Okay.

Steppedonnomore's picture

Very rude and inconsiderate for him to bring the unexpected child. Who does something like that? I'm sorry but him throwing flowers and money at you to make up for his rudeness just wouldn't cut it for me. Of course, now that you know that his DD will be bringing a friend on every outing, you can plan for that, I guess. :?

AshMar654's picture

Cutter I am so sorry many are harping on all the bad and cannot understand that we are all human and make mistakes and not the best decisions. I get you were all excited. You and him have a long road ahead of you of blending still.

I will say only one thing that you mentioned that I think you should to caution on. Until the two of you live together I would let things happen and try not to reprimand his kids. If they do something that bothers you let it play out and talk to him after. I do agree with him on handling his daughter and her friend.

Remember you are taking things slow and he is very hesitant of things, as of right now try not to be a parent to his kids. Try to get along with them and let them see who you are as a person and get two know them as people too. Just from what you wrote you had a few slips this weekend and attempted to parent them. When I first met my SO I did not say much to his son at all until I was around a lot more. I asked before I said anything and if it was ok? Now we both parent because we live together and that is what we agreed on.

All and all it does not sound like a horrible trip. It was very sweet to think to be there when you got home and pay you back ASAP. That shows that he is not trying to take advantage of you and still respects what you did.

Good luck!

IDontCare3117's picture

He's already told her he doesn't want to live together until his kids are out of the house.

AshMar654's picture

He did at one point and they talked and agreed to move forward slowly and he is reconsidering it from what it sounds like. You all need to pay attention and read.

IDontCare3117's picture

Oh, I pay attention and read. I also have quite a bit of life experience under my belt, dear. More than you, I'm sure. Let me translate what "move forward slowly" really means. "I enjoy your company well enough, and our physical life is also at least acceptable. I don't really think I'm going to want to move in together or get married, but I know if I'm upfront about that you'll leave. I'm not interested in being alone, so I'll keep my mouth shut for now."

When someone tells you they don't want something, it's in your best interest to believe them. Pressuring them to come around to your way of thinking or POV will eventually backfire. If someone says, "I don't want to live together or get married" believe them.

AshMar654's picture

You are so negative. Sometimes they do come around. Hell my SO did. He had no plans of moving from the area he grew up in literally like a 5 mile radius. I flat out said well if that is how you feel we are going to break up because I am not going to waste my time on something that will never go anywhere because I refused to move for him and his son.

He said he would consider it and see where things go with us and give it time. Well when time came that we had to decided he agreed to meet in the middle of where we both lived to an area I wanted to move to.

People do change their minds. Things happen in life that causes a person to think of things differently and alter their current perspective on life. You do not know this man, you do not know every little detail of their relationship, yet you harp on the same thing over and over and only focus on the negative. Not everyone on here is ignorant and oblivious to the world and not everyone's SO is a lying, self indulged, ego maniac that does not really care about the woman like you tend to believe.

IDontCare3117's picture

I'm not going to get into the timing of your SO "coming around".

From what she's posted, OP has put pressure on her OP to see just how wonderful things could be if they lived together and blended their families. In her eyes it would be perfect. It would be one thing if he comes to that conclusion on his own, but I don't think that's what's going on here. I'm not saying he doesn't care about her or have genuine feelings. I'm saying believe it the first time when he says he doesn't want to live together or get married. If OP wants to keep seeing him, fine. Just don't be surprised if/when he eventually does stay true to his original words.

AshMar654's picture

My SO was coming around before his parents up and decided to move. Anyway not the point.

I do agree she should be cautious and keep in the back of her mind what he told her in the beginning. If I remember correct and read right he never said that they would never get married he just would not live with her while his kids were still living with him.

I like to look at the positive of things and trust people. Sometimes people do change their minds. Maybe he never met anyone before OP that he would consider living with or having a future with. If what she posts is truth it does sound like he is trying and it does not sound like she forced him to go on this trip.

Doorsy's picture

Are you the old fruitsalad? I ask because you seem to get stuck on events that have changed and insist they are still the same. No matter what she says has changed you still go back to this. She said they are moving forward and that he is willing to change that to keep her.

WalkOnBy's picture

talk is cheap.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

when someone says they don't want to get married, they usually leave out "to you"...

DaizyDuke's picture

Agree. If a man I was dating told me he didn't want to ever get married (again), if marriage was what I wanted, I'd be gone. Because even IF I was able to "persuade" the man into marrying me at some point, that statement would ALWAYS be in the back of my mind. I would never want to be in a marriage that I had to "persuade" my partner into being in. But whatever, that's just me.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

A friend of mine was with a man who didn't want to ever get married (again). She was soooooo sure she would be the one to change his mind. 7 years later, they were (finally!) married. She thought they were happily married. He married her because he felt pressured and that it was "the right thing to do". The marriage ended in less than a year. It was uuuuuuugly.

I believe men (and women) who say they don't ever want to get married. They MAY be persuaded to change their minds, but I've yet to see one work out happily.

AshMar654's picture

Is it possible thought that sometimes you meet that one person that does not try to change your mind it just happens. I never wanted to get married and I never wanted to have children. Here I am engaged and with a SS full time.

Until my SO got down on one knee and asked me, I honestly never pictured that in my life. Now since everything has happened, I picture my future with him as husband and wife. Some people do change. Sometimes you meet a person that makes you see the world differently and you embrace it. I am an optimist, who knows maybe he is that kind of a guy.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I am also an optimist, but I tend to believe people who are adamant. I've yet to see it work out when one of those adamant people "changed their mind" or decided they may as well since others were.

AshMar654's picture

I agree people need to change their mind for the right reason not because they are pressured or everyone else is doing it. Sometimes putting things very bluntly makes someone reconsider their current situation.

It sounds like she is good on her own and she just laid everything out for him and he had to decided what he wanted. It is not like they are running to an alter or he just went ahead and moved her in. They are going slow and tried a few family outings. She did say if him and kids can not go she is still going and she was ready to leave when he called. Does not sound like she is waiting by the phone to just please him and make sure she fits in to his life.

Who knows maybe when she laid it out for him about how she does not want to be with someone who does not want to move forward he decided she was worth seeing where things could go. Maybe it will all blow up in her face. Who knows.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

No, it doesn't sound like she was sitting around waiting by the phone. But from her past blogs, she is definitely pushing for him to change what he has already stated he wants and doesn't want. THAT will end up in heartache for the OP. IMHO.

WalkOnBy's picture

If you ask my husband why he married Medusa after being together for 9 years, he will tell you that he thought it was the next logical step to take. All of his buddies were married, DH was pushing 30 and figured what the hell?

Every single mutual friend that we have who was at the reception DH and Medusa had when they returned from their Vegas ceremony says that they tried to tell him, that when he said he didn't really want to marry her, they told him DON'T.

And we all know how that turned out...

Cutter's picture

I don't believe in words, I believe in actions. He is showing me that he is willing to move forward.

WalkOnBy's picture

but why? Because he really sees the error of his ways? Because he wants to change? Because he wants you to just shut up already?? Because he wants you in his bed?

People move forward for many reasons, dear. Most are not honorable.

Livingoutloud's picture

I think people should only marry you or even move in together only if they really really want to marry you and be with you full time for all right reasons. People should not ever marry other person because other person begged them or tried to pursue them or book ton of vacations together trying to show how good they are. You should never disrespect yourself to the point of pursuing a man and trying to change he his mind.

You took him and his kids on two disastorous vacations already and you haven't even dated him for that long. All to convince him to marry you. Is it really worth it? Don't you want a man who'll want to marry you and properly propose without persuasion?

Cutter's picture

I'm not trying to convince him to do anything. I am a jewel and I know my value. I want to see us blend and see how it goes. Our vacations have been horrible, yep. I think I am done doing that for a while. I do, however want to see us move forward and he is willing to do that. I am not begging or pushing anything on him. I let him know what MY expectations were and what I am willing to do/not do and he made the decision on his own to move forward with me.

IDontCare3117's picture

I think OP is hoping if the kids get along well her SO will start thinking it's okay for them all to move in together, and for her and SO to get married.

hereiam's picture

Isn't there a promise to a dead wife or something? Just because they get along, doesn't mean he will change his mind about that promise he made. That's what OP needs to address.

moving_on_again's picture

I think she is setting herself up for heartbreak and that it's obvious by what she posts but she has on her rose colored classes.

IDontCare3117's picture

I think you're probably right, but some people see only what they want to see and hear only what they want to hear.

moving_on_again's picture

I'm guilty of that with DD's father. He told me everything I wanted to hear. All lies.

IDontCare3117's picture

Many of us have been guilty of it at some point in our lives. It's one of the reasons why I'm looking at this situation somewhat cynically. I think OP may be putting far more stock into these "family" trips and SO showing up with roses than he is.

advice.only2's picture

I admit with my first marriage I was all in and all the signs were there he was all in it for a minute. With my DH, we both wanted it so it works. I honestly can say that if I ever had to do it again I would not want to have to prod or poke or get somebody to want me, I would want them to be in it just as much as me. Life is too short to waste trying to force a person to want the same things as you.

Livingoutloud's picture

I am skeptical about that promise. If he really wanted to marry someone, I bet he would. He isn't sure, so he isn't going to.

Livingoutloud's picture

I agree. I am just stating a fact that cutter organized two vacations to show dad how they all bond well so then he'll change his mind. Personally I'd never marry anyone just because my kid bonds with theirs. But that's just me.

moving_on_again's picture

And they didn't bond. She "corrected" his kid and said her kid was left behind because he's "annoying."

moving_on_again's picture

I have been hesitant to post on any of your blogs because I just get this weird uneasy feeling. Like this guy is either not genuine or he is just giving a little of what you want just so you will keep following him. I think ultimately he will not marry you as fast as you want. I also don't understand the rush. SO and I have been together for over 8 years and we aren't married because of his craY ex-wife. When child support is done, I will marry him.

Willow2010's picture

If someone says, "I don't want to live together or get married" believe them.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Haha! This was me. I was very upfront with DH about not marrying or living together before the kids moved out. Kids were about 8 or 9 when we met. I did end up caving when SS was about 14 or 15. (Whole other story) It worked for us. DH tried to push me a few times and it was not good. In the end, it worked out really well for us.

I think it was sweet that he showed up that day with flowers and such. However...there are a few red flags that you really need to watch for.