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A vent

Phoebe84's picture

So BM took off up north a week ago (very last minute according to SO, though I suspect he already had it arranged with BM a long time ago). She's gone to look for work , apparently. He came down with SS last weekend, which wasn't ideal because I had family staying but otherwise it would mean we wouldn't see each other at all. At the time, he was cagey about when BM was coming back and he was like "I don't know but why are you so worried about it? I'm happy to have my kids for as long as possible". He said probably about a week.

So I just spoke to him on the phone. He's already in a bad mood because I "ignored" his calls last night. What actually happened was that I was out with my brother and his family, whom I see about once a year if I'm lucky, and just as SO's call came in on my cell, it ran out of battery. I have no other records of missed calls. He just assumed I was ignoring him because I was "out partying with someone". I don't party, ever. Insane.

Anyway, I ask whether he still has SS and SD and he says yes. When I ask when BM is coming back, he rolls his eyes like "here we go". I mean, is it that wrong of me to ask a normal question? He's not coming to see me this weekend because he has his kids still. I would like to know whether she plans to be back before next weekend. Simple question. He says he hasn't even asked her. ??? SD15 has spoken to her but she also has no idea when BM will be back. Very weird situation, if you ask me. So he says he'll come and see me next weekend and it shouldn't make a difference whether he has his kids or not. I say thanks but no thanks. My bios will all be with their dad for four days specifically so that i can get ready to go back to work on the Monday after a long holiday. So is upset that I would rather not see him than see him with his kids. I'm on my own with 4 kids. I get to see SO every other weekend, without any kids. When that gets disrupted because BM decides to go off on a last minute trip, I feel I have the right to be a bit upset.

But of course I say nothing like an idiot. Too busy defending myself for 15 minutes about "not answering" the phone when out for the evening with my own brother, which didn't even happen.

fairyo's picture

He seems to be one of those dads who goes along with BM for an 'easy' life. You are right not to want him with his kids around- does he ever come when your kids are there?
He's blaming you because you are an easier target than BM- because you don't have kids in common. Of course, you were perfectly entitled by doing whatever in your free time and he has no control over that.
I admire your stance- let him keep his kids although it is frustrating for you at least you still do have your own place and your own life, imagine what it would be like if you moved in/married him?
Maybe if BM moves away he won't get to see his kids so much, that's why he's having them now.
Don't 'defend' yourself. No one is 'wrong' here, and hopefully BM will get herself sorted out and things may get back to 'normal.'
Just to give my perspective, I wouldn't be in a hurry to move in together...