Thank you everyone who replied to my work rant the other day. Your reassurances, support and suggestions have been very much taken to heart and are very much appreciated. I took a couple of days to re-coup. I went trail riding in the backwoods of bumble to work out a few issues. Since my horse died in 2015 it was nice having a friend lend her red-haired mare with a very similar disposition to the horse I lost. It was very nice to escape this house and all these responsibilities for the day. Right now I'm really wishing I could just go back. I also thought about one of the comments suggesting that my stress is due to my trying to control many of the things in my life. Undoubtedly, that is a large part of it. I call it "wanting things done right the first time" or "responsibility" BUT as, was reaffirmed to me in court today, I cannot "be responsible" read: Control everything around me. I'll get to that in a second.

On a quasi side note, my sister is getting married this month and she is driving me INSANE. She is rude, she thinks she is better than everyone else, she thinks she's the only person on the planet to ever hold a job or work a swing shift and she's just annoying the ever living f out of me. I am so sick of her attitude, her obsessive compulsive thinking (she will find the smallest, most insignificant detail of something she THINKS she did wrong and drive everyone around her to the nut house perseverating over it) and every time I try to help I'm told whatever help I provided or offered is just not good enough.
A quick note about this perseveration: I have heard her tell me about this one instance of her school shutting off her email account because she graduated-16 times since Friday morning. It's like she HAS to re-tell the story it doesn't matter if you walk away, if you tell her you know you've heard it-in a nice way, if you tell her in a mean way, if you straight up leave the property-she will continue right where she left off. It is maddening. The problem is that the school will shut off email for 2 reasons. 1 the student graduated (which she just did) or 2 some kind of disciplinary action (cheating, plagiarism). But she clearly graduated- that's the only other instance in which they do it-but she thinks that through some CSI computer program at the local community college, she some how broke a rule and now they're going to revoke her RN license. Crazy right? I've tried telling her if she was in trouble I'm sure someone would contact her. But she looked at this quizlet website one time-to see what it was at the suggestion of another student, found out it was not supposed to be used and now because of that one time she looked at it her whole life is going up in flames. She needs to go back to therapy or I'm re-instituting slap therapy because I can't handle this anymore. Then on top of all of that, she is Judge Judy when it comes to everyone else (I vape, I quit smoking cigarettes in January and I vape and she has a full on meltdown if I do it within 100 feet of her-outside).

To make matters worse, my Grandmother (who is obsessed with this wedding) has been trying to make everything that doesn't go exactly right my fault. My sister's bridal shower was thrown by my mother and my grandmother at a local church hall. It was hot-there were no fans, no AC and no freaking outlets for fans-things I had no idea about when I backed my grandmother up on the holding it at the church idea. Well, everyone left relatively quickly because it was hot. Apparently that was my fault. ??????????????????????? I was trying to help my grandmother plan because well, my mother just did not help at all. She picked up rolls from the grocery store-because that's how my mom is-if it isn't about her or what she likes she does no work. Again another instance where I'm just staying out of it. I've been trying to write a nice MOH speech-but honestly I just want to say "thank god this is over-cheers". No instead I'm trying to remind myself that I like my sister-when I don't really care for who she has become-a judgmental, rude, self centered twit. And she was like that BEFORE the wedding. He fiancé is cut from the same cloth. UGH I feel horrible for saying this, but I need to say it here before I say it to someone I shouldn't say it to.

Anyway, we had court today for CS. BM has blown SS off the last two weekends because she "had to start a new job since she will have to pay CS on the 31st". She told SO she was working at Ruby Tuesdays on Saturday when he asked her when she was coming to get SS. Then today-she tells the judge she JUST got hired at Pizza Hut and doesn't know how much she will be making and when she will get paid. We have court again on the 23rd or the 29th I don't remember (it's in my calendar thank goodness-ugh) so she can produce a paystub. Meanwhile, I have filled out SO's financial affidavit, had my friend come to notarize it for him, printed out and detail all of his income info and owed debt as well as bills. He didn't even offer it to the judge, like "here I have all of this" so that work was for nothing. His excuse "well he didn't ask me for it".

Whatever I'm done-he can figure this shit out on his own from now on I no longer give a flying F. To make matters better, he also needs his OSHA 10 hour done, so I set that all up for him-we got out of court an hour ago and he's still not home (we drove separately-I have work and shit to do today).

A lot of my stress does come from control issues-I try to control other people into being responsible for their shit and they just lie or blame me for shit that isn't my fault. And I'm officially done. From now on if SS's parents cant be responsible for his best interests well, then they're gonna have a lot of explaining to do. I'll make sure his needs are met. But I NEVER EVER want to hear another word about BM and her BS from SO again. I officially do not care.