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What's Reasonable for Helping with SD While On Sick Leave from Work?

sunshinex's picture

So as many of you know, I'm 27 weeks pregnant and really looking forward to baby getting here! I've struggled a lot throughout pregnancy, mostly with prenatal depression/anxiety, and a really heavy workload/boss who's mistreated me since finding out i'm pregnant. I've talked with my midwife and am thinking of taking sick leave from work around 32 weeks - giving me 8 weeks to get into a better mental state before baby arrives. I think this is my best course of action because I certainly don't want my prenatal depression/anxiety to turn into postpartum.

Now the issue is, SD is coming home from her mother's soon (she visits her mom in the summer but stays with us full-time). She's 5 so she'll be back in school shortly after I start my sick leave. I don't want to be selfish but I'd really like a lot of time to myself because as mentioned, it's really important to me and my midwife that i get into a better mental state before baby arrives.

I think my husband will probably expect me to bring SD to and from school, which means getting up early, getting her ready, etc. and overall putting a damper on my plans to relax and do whatever i can to stay happy every day. Now usually i'd be happy to do this, because we try to split the workload in our household as much as possible when it comes to finances, chores, childcare, etc. but I really feel I should take this time for myself.

I would, of course, help out when i've got nothing else to do or if i'm up anyways, but I don't want that to become the routine since i'm home anyways. What do you think? What's reasonable for helping with SD while i'm on sick leave? I definitely don't want to be selfish here but think, to some degree, i need to!

sunshinex's picture

Yeah I was thinking that. I don't mind picking her up after school some days, for sure. I'll probably get bored eventually anyways so a nice walk to the school down the street will be good for me. I just don't want to get saddled into any expectations of picking her up and dropping her off every single day and everything that comes along with that lol.

notasm3's picture

Explain to your DH that you are taking sick leave to get well NOT to work another job (babysitter/nanny).

You should NOT be getting up early and taking her to school. Rest and prepare for when you truly will not be able to rest with a newborn. If this were your child it would be different. But this is NOT your child. Get yourself in the best shape you can be in to prepare to take care of YOUR child.

sunshinex's picture

My sick leave is paid, yep!

I will definitely still help out with household chores and all of that, simply because I'll have more time, but I definitely won't put expectations on myself for keeping things perfect simply because i'm home. I basically want 0 expectations so I can do what I feel capable of while maintaining a good mental state before baby comes!

sunshinex's picture

Her father did and always has.

The only reason I think he might expect me to, is because instead of us both working full-time like usual, I'll be home. His job accomodates him taking her to/from school though, so he can continue to do it. My job never accomodated that so I never did it. But in general, we try to split things equally. I help out with SD a lot, and i'm okay with that. I just don't want to become her primary caregiver because i'm at home.

hereiam's picture

Then, he either keeps doing it or you let him know what you are willing to do. You make your own terms, it's not about what your husband "expects" from you, it's how and when YOU are willing to help him out and what the two of you agree on.

If his job accommodates him to do it, he might as well just keep it consistent and keep doing it.

lintini's picture

Agreed, girly you need to talk to DH and get this off of your chest.

No, do not become SDs taxi because that shit will not be fun with a newborn in tow. You need to rest and get your metal self healthy because lack of sleep is a biotch.

sunshinex's picture

Oh I know. I guess I worry that it's going to come off as selfish so I figured I'd get other opinions first.

onwednesdayswewearpink's picture

Keep in mind that you are not working during this time, if I were you I would offer to pick her up from school, that way you still have all day to rest.

sunshinex's picture

I am not working, no lol but I'm not working for medical reasons. And my sick leave pay is equivalent to his actual pay, so it's not like i'm staying home being supported by anyone lol

Disneyfan's picture

But you're home.

It wouldn't be unreasonable for him to ask you to help with the kid since she lives there full time.
Does that mean he should expect you to do it all? NOPE. But asking you to pick her up 2 or 3 times a week shouldn't be a problem.

sunshinex's picture

Of course! I have no problem doing it a few times a week I just don't want to become primary caregiver while on leave to take care of myself. I'm by no means saying I want to sit around doing nothing lol I want to do as much as I can without feeling like I might as well have stayed at work because I'm busy with "chores" every moment and not improving my mental state as the midwife has told me to.

sunshinex's picture

Lol... I get the feeling you've never experienced prenatal depression? I am by no means saying I'm disabled... and I'm not usually one to put my mental health first, I usually power through it and get shit done, but at this point, I'm facing a high likelihood of my prenatal depression turning into postpartum depression upon birth. So I'm taking it seriously now, because I'm not willing to risk harm to and/or a lack of bond with my baby once he arrives.

Again, I'm not saying I'm going to sit around doing nothing, but I don't exactly need the stress of a strict schedule every single day when I'm supposed to be taking medical leave.

Acratopotes's picture

sunshinex - stop doing this to yourself, you are stressing about the future and thinking of "What If...."

Thus far your DH sounded like a decent guy and SD is not that terrible lol... yes a hand full but not yet a teen brat.

seriously girl, stop stressing about what could happen... simply wait till it happens and say to DH, Hon I'm on sick leave, I'm sleeping in mornings to get my strength, you drop off SD like you use to, I will collect her on Tuesdays and Thursdays (eg), then during the day you rest and you sleep....... it's +/- 13 weeks to go, get the nursery in order, start nesting... and if you are really bored then pick SD up more....