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DH wants the skids to come over... but not really

zerostepdrama's picture

I told DH on Monday that my mom was coming over Tuesday to use our washer/dryer and that she was going to do some cleaning. (She has done this plenty of times before, no issues).

So DH makes comments- oh my mom should come over and clean too. :? Okay your mom lives 6 hours away.

Then it was- Why does she have to come over and clean? Maybe MSD should come over and clean. :?

I'm thinking- MSD who stole from me and put her hands on me who you haven't talked to in over 2 years? You want her to come over and clean?

So I asked if he had a problem with my mom using our washer/dryer. He said no that it was totally fine but she doesn't need to be cleaning. I'm like well she asks for things to do while she's waiting on her clothes. I leave her a list. If she doesn't do them then I have to do them because it's not like DH is going to help me do them. Not sure what the big deal is. Would he have a problem if I hired a housekeeper?

So then it turns into well your mom can come over and clean :? but my kids can't even come over.

Okkkkkaaayyyy... I see where this is going. Well DH has my mom done something to offend you? Has she been disrespectful to you? Has she stolen from you? Has she put her hands on you? Has she sent you messages being rude to you?

Oh no... she hasn't? Oh she's been nothing but kind and loving to you. Okay...

So I go over it again as I always do.

SS- he comes over when he needs/wants something. No issues.

YSD- she came over the other day and I didn't say anything about it. Even though she had just had words with me and she showed up when we had guests without even calling ahead. But whatever, she came over.

OSD-I don't like her and would prefer to not be around her.

But if you want YSD and OSD to come over I think there needs to be some sort of discussion. They have been very disrespectful to me and I think that warrants some kind of conversation. You expect that of BS, correct? Oh yes you do, well don't you think I deserve that some respect when it comes to your kids in my home?

I ask him- do you think MSD should be coming over? Are you ready to have a talk with her about what happened when she put her hands on me? He's like No, she was wrong and she doesn't need to come over. :?

I told him... if you really really want your kids to come over then invite them over but give me the courtesy of a heads up. That is all I ask. But if you think this is going to be all kittens and rainbows you are wrong. Your kids are who they are. They have shown us they have no problem being disrespectful to me, even in my own home. So if that happens you better think long and hard how you are going to respond because if it was like before that didn't work and it almost ended our relationship.

To which he says- well it's not like they have to come over. They are grown. Doing their own thing. They act just like BM.

:? :? :?

DH wants his kids to come over. But on his terms. When he wants. He knows deep down if he opens it back up that it won't just be a visit here and there. It's going to be give them an inch and they will want a mile.

DH wants his kids to come over but he wants them to be like the little kids that he remembers. Not the PAS adults that act like BM.

DH wants his kids to come over but he wants me to play hostess. He doesn't want to actually put in any work.

DH wants his kids to come over but if there are any issues he wants me to just suck it up "because it's not like they will come over a lot".

We did touch on the fact that I have a hard time with the girl skids and their behaviors towards me and their behaviors in general (besides the fact that I love myself and have standards on how I will be treated)because they are not my kids, I don't really know them that well, 95% of my interactions with them have been negative and I don't have a bond with them. He said well even if they were crackheads I'd still be okay with them in my home.

Well okay then...

So we shall see if he plans on inviting them over. I'm guessing no. It requires too much work and energy.

Comments

zerostepdrama's picture

Yes it is all about how he wishes things would be a certain way. Well I wish I was rich with unlimited funds and a pool boy but that's not reality.

Yes MIL let me invite the skids on our vacation who we have not spoken too. That makes perfect sense. I think it will be our most enjoyable vacation yet!

hereiam's picture

He's just upset that he has jerks for kids and your mom is kind, loving, and respectful, and your BS is respectful.

He wishes his kids were different. He wishes their relationship was different. He doesn't necessarily want to do anything about it, though, and even if he did, nothing may change, then he'd really have to face the fact that his kids are just jerks. If he tries to talk to them, tries to get them to behave as respectful adults and it doesn't work...

It's easier to do nothing and bitch about it. He wishes that you would just let it all go, that would be the easiest for HIM.

zerostepdrama's picture

Everything you said is true... and it is about doing what is easiest for HIM. I made it very clear, if you want your kids to come over then YOU need to put some work in to make that happen.

We expect BS to treat us with respect. Why wouldn't we expect the same of his ADULT children?

zerostepdrama's picture

Or there is that Smile LOL!

He does see me as the problem. Because I am the one giving the push back.

SM12's picture

My DH is the same way. He does pretty good until one of them actually throws him a bone and calls to chat for no reason which rarely ever happens. Then suddenly he is all about spending quality time with them and wanting to bend over backward to have them come over. Then within 30 minutes of them being here, he can't get them out of the house fast enough. They are obnoxious, rude, immature, manipulative and entitled brats who he can barely tolerate. Once they are gone, he actually admits (without any comments from me) that he is glad they left and how he can feel the difference in the house when they are here vs when they are not.
They stress him out with their behavior.

I really want to say "NO SHIT DH...that is exactly what you expected ME to deal with for the first three years of our marriage, only you would be gone at work"
Considering he now sees how I felt, I don't rub it in his face....I just breath easy until the next time he gets the feels and wants to play daddy.

zerostepdrama's picture

Yeah I am guessing one of the skids texted him and that is why he all of the sudden he started with this again.

DaizyDuke's picture

Can you please record the phone call between your DH and MSD?!

DH: *ring ring*
MSD: Hello?
DH: Hey, want to come over and clean?
MSD: WTF I haven't spoken to you in 2 years, take your cleaning and shove it up your ass

DH: Zero, this is all YOUR fault. Poor me!

Ugh. Your DH is bottom line this... he wants to see his kids, but he just wants to kick back and have everyone come to him and everyone ELSE do all the work. If he TRULY wanted to see his kids, he could meet them for lunch, or at the park, or catch a movie or stop by their homes. I mean if I want to see someone that's what I do, how bout you?? :?

Does he have a learning disability? Why does he not get this basic concept??

Ninji's picture

LOL, it's like some kind of twilight zone where the DH actually is upset that the stepmom didn't ask the kids to help clean.

DaizyDuke's picture

Right, it actually is like a Twilight Zone episode because in DH's mind this is how it would happen:

MSD: *ring ring*
DH: Oh hey, what's up
MSD: I know I haven't talked to you in 2 years, but can I come and clean?
DH: Sure! Why don't you call YSD and OSD and see if they want to come and clean too?
MSD: Oh sure, dad sounds like tons of fun! Don't worry about feeding us or doing anything, you just sit in your chair and feel good about the fact that we are "there"
DH: Ok see you when you get here, just let yourself in!

Seriously....this is how her DH would like it to be. Everyone else running around doing all the work, while he does NOTHING. Sad

zerostepdrama's picture

Daizy-Remember the FB drama with OSD and how she wanted DH and me to do everything and her put no effort into the relationship? I see where she gets that line of thinking from... LOL

And obviously he wasn't really thinking of having MSD over to clean but he sometimes compares my family to his kids in regards to having them over at the house. He just comes up with the most asinine comparisons.

Tuff Noogies's picture

OMG. i felt a cold, chilling breeze. did h3ll just freeze over? i swear it did... because....

i'll say this one time, and one time only - I AGREE WITH LASHY.

Wink Wink Wink

zerostepdrama's picture

Yep!

zerostepdrama's picture

I've asked him before... how would you feel about BS if he treated you the way 3 of your children have treated me??? Oh you wouldn't put up with it?? Interesting DH...very very interesting.