Advice
Hey Steppers,
I am so close to all boxed up at the house and prepping to move. Can't wait! Going to rent the house soon now.
Question: Remember how my grandma gifted DH $28,000 over the last 2 years? A lot of that, (matched by me) went to home improvements. My house free and clear prior to the marriage. DH and I agreed to do updates to make it 'our home'. We split the costs until he went broke. I could tell he was going broke and took the remaining $15,000 or so he had left from my grandma and put it in a joint account, where I matched his half. I maintain that account now in a set it and forget it fashion. Neither one of us touches it. It's now the emergency fund.
DH petered out mid-remodel and left the house all torn up. Now I am finishing it and incurring the remaining costs ($7,000-$11,000).
Once I made the decision to up and move, DH asked about recouping his costs toward the remodel. I had offered to give him $22,000 back in the event of a divorce if he signed a post-nup. He refused to sign a post-nup. Offer off the table.
DH is wanting to stay in this marriage more than ever now though. I believe he sees that I AM moving with or without him and I am not scared about it anymore. He knows I don't need him.
Ladies, you have know me long enough to know that I do want my marriage to work out. Wouldn't have gotten married if I didn't. It's been a big let down with tons of undue stress. There are glimpses of hope and light though. Thanks to you all, I have disengaged to a much healthier level for me in regard to the skids. I am not staying trapped by this man and his spawn simply because he needs to stay here to visit his kids every so often.
I have discussed with him that I do love him and that an unconventional living arrangement might suit us best. Meaning, it may be best for him to stay put and do skid duty while I go live my life...far away...reachable only by airplane or 5 days of driving. (No more skids at my door. FREEDOM.)
I actually want to be married, but I need my independence. If you want to be married to me, you need to at least not interfere with my life in negative ways or make life harder. Bring some positives to the table! (Of course there are positives in my marriage, but on the whole it is too volatile for me.) Every time BM calls or skids visit, DH hate each other again... it's too often. THAT said, DH is planning to change his visits to every other month for a 2 week period of time. He's trying to accommodate my moving, to allow himself to remain with me. I was clear that it's fine if we live in different states until his kids age out. He's not ok with that. He wants to be with me primarily.
Back to the house, we discussed renting it and splitting the rent. We keep finances separate now. He's looking forward to the $10,000 per year that will give him. My question is this (and please answer objectively and honestly), I owned this house outright prior to the marriage. We split the remodel costs to the extent that he stopped contributing. At that time, I picked up the remaining costs.
I plan to recoup my individual costs directly out of the rental income until I am paid back. At that time, DH and I would split the rent money 50/50.
Is my thinking wrong on that?
Should I hand him the money he put into the remodel and then keep the full rent myself?
My issue is that I worked really hard to buy and pay off my house and now that I am married and he put $15K into it, I should allow him to earn $10K per year off of my asset?
Help me out. I can't see the forest through the trees.
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Comments
Buy him out. Figuring out
Buy him out. Figuring out your emotional relationship will be much simpler if there are no financial ties. Once you have a joint rental property it's going to get hella complicated- like, do you split repairs and maintenance? Who claims the property on taxes? When has he been "paid in full" by rental income, if ever?
Please, please buy him out!
And so follow up
And so follow up question:
The money was my grandmother's... I think a good attorney or even other members of my family could argue that DH was never entitled to that.
He took money my family gave him and spent $15K on tearing up my house...now I have to finish it and pay for it.
I have solely paid all the property taxes and insurance and repairs. Isn't that a factor too? I should deduct those expenses since the inception of the marriage and then buy him out. I probably don't owe him anything for letting him live in my home for free.
Your money questions are all
Your money questions are all dependent on the laws where you live. You need to see a lawyer in your area to get your questions answered.
I don't understand why he
I don't understand why he would be entitled to any rent if he has no ownership of the house. That is, assuming it is still in your name only and you did not quit claim half to him. If your Grandma gave him the money, I guess it's his to do with as he wishes (nice of Grandma) (as opposed to an inheritance, so I guess you could return to him what he put into it. Still it sure takes balls to ask for money back from you that you two got from your Grandma for your house when it sounds like you are supporting him. Even if you didn't and he was entitled to a portion of the rent, it wouldn't be half.
He never bought out half of the house or paid you rent? My house was free and clear when DH moved in and he insisted on paying 1/2 of fair market value of what rent would be for my property towards expenses. I pay tax and insurance and we split utilities. If we were staying here permanently we'd work out a loan for him and put him on the title but we are not.
So in answer to your question about him getting $10,000 income from your property, I'd say he!! no.
I'm sorry for the stress
I'm sorry for the stress you're under, but I also sense a feeling of excitement coming from you. Yay!
In your shoes, I would take the necessary steps to disentangle myself financially, completely, from DH. In this situation, absolutely get some legal advice but the goal should be to make the house 100% yours again. Or to sell it (if that's necessary) so that you are not in a sort-of shared ownership/responsibility position with him.
You will likely take a hit on this - but get the financial spiderweb unravelled so that all that is left is your relationship with DH.
I would say do not leave YOUR
I would say do not leave YOUR house, he needs to go....if I am reading this correctly, without a pre nup or post nup or something, he is likely entitled to 50/50 unless you had the home in your name prior to marriage, then I think he still gets 50% of any appreciation he can prove after marriage. At least that is the way it works here in my state. This is primarily YOUR home, do not leave it....but he does need to go an I would see an attorney to explore options of getting him out ....
Get that money the heck out
Get that money the heck out of the joint account before he wipes out that account. That can be considered his share of buying you out. But get it out before he does. Or at least get your half out.
DO NOT listen to most of the
DO NOT listen to most of the advice here. Some of the things posters are proposing you do will bite you in the ass hard should you get into a nasty court battle. Get a lawyer.
I agree with the others to
I agree with the others to get some professional advice about how to resolve your house issue. It is probably best to keep things separate, but even if you choose not to you at least should be fully aware of the legal ramifications of your decisions.
If I were you rather than splitting the rental income for the house I would keep that for yourself but perhaps you could offer to pay for some of your husband's travel expenses when he comes to visit you. That way it will not be such a financial burden on him but you still control your money. Or maybe pay for some joint vacations or other ways that you can both benefit but you do not give up any legal ownership for your house.
is his name on the deed? No
is his name on the deed? No it's not you do not need to pay him 50% of any rental income... he can suck on eggs.
The money he contributed can be argued rental income for the time he lived there..
Hon suddenly he does not want to divorce cause he knows, he's in the wrong for asking all of that and you are his goose with golden eggs.