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Who should be asked about daily questions/decisions?

Paintcrisis's picture

I fully recognize that the 'home' is often the woman's domain. Cliche as it may sound, SMs (including my former self) are what make a house a home.

So what requests and decisions do you think your stepkids should bring to you and what do you think they should ask their parent?

For example, do you think they should ask you permission to go to their rooms?

Get a snack?

Go to a friend's house next door?

I realize if you are the only adult at home, it should go to you, as the responsible adult. But what about when you both are home?

How do you think it should be handled if the bio parent gave permission to do something and for whatever reason, you don't agree. Should you ever overstep the parent?

Comments

secret's picture

Same here.

In the event one of us has said no and the kid asks the other, and it's a yes... if we catch it we'll say that we just said no...then sorry kid... it's dad/secret said no. If we didn't realize, we'll tell each other and then we'll say to the kid...hey secret said you could have it but dad already said no... next time I say no don't ask the other because that's sneaky and no means no.

Even if we have given different answers, we'll explain to the kid that if one says no don't ask the other.

BethAnne's picture

Pretty much as the above two examples. Some days though I just cannot be bothered or am done with parenting so I will tell sd to ask her dad if I don't want to deal with it.

twoviewpoints's picture

Do these stepchildren live with you fulltime? 50/50? Visit EOWE?

Not sure where you're going or coming from with the "ask permission to go to their rooms". I've never heard of a child asking permission to enter their bedroom. Maybe if they share a room with another child and suppose to be taking turns?

Anyway...for this one "How do you think it should be handled if the bio parent gave permission to do something and for whatever reason, you don't agree. Should you ever overstep the parent?"

I do not believe in overriding the other parent/adult figure whether all bio-kids or skids. United front in front of kids. Duke it out, if you must out of kid's earshot. I'd be furious if my DH had told one of our kids 'yes' after he knew full well I had just said no. If the kid's want is perhaps going to be an issue, kid needs to me told 'Dad and I will have to discuss this request and get back to you'.

Maxwell09's picture

Maybe it's because I'm only slightly less than a full-timer with my skid, but we don't make my SS ask for drinks, snacks or to go to his room. To me those are odd examples. We're all about being self-sufficient and self-problem solving so if SS is thirsty then he knows where the cups are and the drinks are all on his level. Same for snacks, not that we keep many, but they're there for him to get. There's no need for him to come ask either of us for things he can take care of but as for going to the neighbors, that wouldn't happen. We don't live next to people with kids or in a subdivision so if he wanted to go to his friends he'd have to ask for a ride and his best friend here is via DH's work buddy so he would naturally ask him if they can come over. His other friend through me and my friends, he asks me.

momof3smof2's picture

In my household, my husband and I parent all of the kids (his, mine and ours) together. So our kids could go to either one of us for permission for something like going to play at the neighbors house. My husband and I are pretty much on the same page with most anything. But if either of us disagreed, we would pull the other one aside and talk it through until we came up with a collective decision for the kids.

The other two things you speak of seem ridiculous to ask permission from anyone. Permission to go to one's room? I can't imagine any reason a kid would need to ask for permission.

If my husband and I handled our household differently, and I primarily parented my parent kids and he primarily parented his kids, we would have a problem if he thought he was going to override one of my decisions with my kids.