Saved By The Gates!
Hi all. Still here, still read and still get inspiration from this board.
Well, we all knew it was going to happen. The Friday before Memorial Day Twit shows up at the gated entrance to our subdivision and calls to have us let her in.
I answered the call (from the guard) and told him no, no admittance. I do not want her any where near me.
So, she calls our land line and leave this terrible triad about how she, her hubby and her Drunkie have driven all this way just to spend time with dear ole Dad, yelling and crying at the same time.
Fortunately, DH was not home, so I just deleted the triad and I haven't said a word to him about it.
But, she waited around and when DH came home was right there so, DH brought her back with him.
I pulled him aside and told him that she is NOT staying here, I am not entertaining her, etc. Twit was hinting that they didn't have a hotel/motel yet. I also told him that she had to leave ASAP as I couldn't and wouldn't deal with her.
DH agreed but did get me to agree to go for an early dinner with them. Boy, was it hard to be pleasant to that cretin. Nothing has changed, Drunkie still drinks, Twit has a very remote relationship with the truth about anything. Her poor husband just sat there as Twit went into this rant about how Social Security has changed and she (in her early 50's now) won't be eligible until she was 78! When I told her that was not right, she said it was, that she had been told it was so. Of course I could not help myself when I told her that she needs to go back to the loon that told her that and tell him/her he was wrong. She is grandfathered in at 67 for full benefits. She was also telling me that Catholic priests are allowed to marry these days! I have no idea where she came up with that but I wasn't going to go down that crazy lane with her. Her poor husband looked like he wished the floor would open up and swallow him.
Folks, you just would not believe the things she says and believes. Talk about not being rationale!
Well, we went back to the safety of our home and she and her caravan went their way -- where ever that might be.
DH, though, is very concerned because he said she is worse than he remembers. Me, hey, she has always been crazy, narcissistic etc., nothing has changed. But maybe DH doesn't remember because we have been away from crazy for awhile now. Oh, the occasional rant, suicide threat, etc. but this meeting was really weird. I told him I didn't see any difference in her, which I really don't, and ended that conversation.
As for that rant of Twit's on our land line....the one I deleted...DH asked about it because Twit brought it up at dinner. I just said I had no clue what she was talking about. She went off about that too, but it didn't seem to matter because it was her pattern.
Thank heaven for gates and for miles. We are safely away from that cretin and I intend to keep it that way.
Wow. We all know that Twit is
Wow. We all know that Twit is crazy, but for her H and son to agree to driving several hundred miles for an unplanned visit is bizarre. What if you were away on vacation?
Are you certain you DH knew nothing about this?
He said she caught him by
He said she caught him by surprise at the gate. I mean, who in the world would expect her and her brood parked out there unannounced. Now he knows.
Though just having her in the house for a few minutes made me want to check the silver. Honestly, as I went to get a sun hat in my bedroom she was going to follow me in!!! She is nosy and wants to see what is there....greedy cretin she is.
I can remember the time she was being nice to me when we first moved near her years back but then came the question: "Have you and my Dad co-mingled your money?" she innocently asked. Now there is no reason for that type of inquiry as most people realize that it is none of their business, which is what I told her. That is when she got all huffy and started things. She was checking out the lay of the land. And that was not the first time. Right after we moved down there she was in my living room bawling, I mean crying hard, because - hold your hat - she was afraid that my daughter was going to get everything after we passed and she would be left out!! Very strange IMHO, and very telling. But that was back then. Now, with the gates and the guard, she can't get access.
I've been wondering about you
I've been wondering about you - but hoping that no news was good news.
Sorry for the intrusion - but you handled it well.
My DH has only mentioned SS31's name to me twice (about something not relevant to anything now) in the past 3 months since SS31 and the GF invaded our home while we were on vacation. He's made no effort to bring SS and the GF back into our lives thank goodness.
I've made no demands on him not to see them. He is free to do so. I just told him to keep them away from me. Not that I ever so much as received a text message apologizing for their horrid behavior.
Wow, you dodged a lot of
Wow, you dodged a lot of bullets, good for you....and, gracious of you to be in her presence ever too.....I do not think I can ever do it again, regardless....so I applaud you!
I did it for DH. It was a
I did it for DH. It was a bad situation so I tried to make the best of it without making it any worse for him. Though if it was going to be longer than 2 hours I would not have done it.
It is good to know you are
It is good to know you are still with us. Good for you for handling the whole situation as you did. Did they come to your home or did you go leave with them from the gate? We all know how crazy Twit is but to drive all that way without being invited, and not knowing whether you would be home is beyond crazy. Maybe she thought an element of surprise would out you off guard enough to get in your house. You thought fast and held firm.
My Mother is very narcissistic and I tend to forget just how bad it is until I visit her again. When I think she is worse than the last time I saw her it occurs to me that she has always been this way, but I an no longer numbed because I am not in constant exposure to it. When I look back at some of SD's behavior I wonder how and why I put up with it for so long but thank my lucky stars she is no longer in my life.
As I wrote in another post, when times like this occur it validates me, that I did the right thing by disengaging. Just a reminder of why we did it.
Sandye says: As I wrote in
Sandye says: As I wrote in another post, when times like this occur it validates me, that I did the right thing by disengaging. Just a reminder of why we did it.
Well said! Exactly my thoughts that day too. When I read my journals of those days and what I dealt with and how it made me feel, upset and sickened me I cannot believe I ever put up with it.
DH and I go along sooo much better without all the drama, tension, etc.
Well, DH brought her to the
Well, DH brought her to the house (damn him!) but we quickly left, but not before she nosed around checking things out and hinting that they didn't have a hotel/motel yet. I told her she had better get on that as I wasn't up to entertaining unannounced people (note I didn't say guests or family). You could see she was about to start but evidently thought better of it...probably hoping dear ole Dad would step in and say they should all stay here; which he didn't. And he did that all by himself with no looks etc. from me. Go DH!
I do not think DH had a clue or he would have stayed around the house if he did. He said he was just as surprised as I was.
And, yes, you have to wonder about the three of them driving so far don't you. Can't explain that...well I guess I could....it comes under crazy and feeling she is entitled to get what she wants when she wants it.
Yeah, tough early dinner, but I got through it. She kept hinting about staying...maybe for a few days and we could do things... Yeah, like I would like that....NOT. DH picked up the tab and we wished them a nice trip, and left.
Funny, I expected to hear a rant on the phone when we got back home but nadda. And nothing since.
I think her poor husband probably told her that enough was enough. Honestly, I felt so sorry for him as he listened to her stories etc. But she is HIS problem, not ours.
Yes, I guess I did handle it
Yes, I guess I did handle it well.
My only fear is that I know she is not done, will never be done until the absolute end. At least being FAR AWAY helps. Though when she really gets rolling on one of her tangents who knows.
And as to why Twit does what she does; i.e. drive out here etc., Who knows. Well, I can now figure out how her cretin mind works but why bother if I don't have to. No sense in pushing all her buttons for the brief time I was going to be around her.
And though she tried to start with me several times, I just ignored, or asked her to repeat what she just said. I did that when she would make a snarky comment and no way in h*ll would she want to repeat it where DH could hear what she said to me.
yeah a TWIT update
yeah a TWIT update hehehehehehe
you should actually take a photo of her and hand it to the gate guard house and say - never even inform us if these people are here, tell them we moved.......
Why oh why did she ever get the new address?
but you handled that wonderfully.... like a pro lol
Who takes a road trip like
Who takes a road trip like that and just shows up uninvited? Yes, I expect that out of Twit but what about her husband? I wonder if she told him she had talked to your DH and it was all planned.
What a loon.
Would it be worth letting
Would it be worth letting Twit's husband know that there will be no invitations issued, and therefore to not believe her if she claims DH invited them another time? It could be phrased as " we were sorry to have had to embarrass you, but y'all did arrive uninvited, and there is no way that Twit will ever be welcome in our house. This is why we moved. Best wishes to you".
I can't believe her husband hasn't left yet.
I think SMforever is
I think SMforever is absolutely correct. Twits husband is a massive enabler, just look at the behaviour he puts up with and supports! He needs to be told, in no uncertain terms, to keep his family away from you. He is trying to be a nice guy by supporting his wife's outrageous whims.....but true nice guys don't throw other people under the bus in order to avoid dealing with their own problems. He knew exactly what he was doing showing up at your home with twit and drunkie in tow. Do not let him get away with that. Best send him a short direct email....I would say exactly what SMforever said above. Good luck and I hope this nonsense ends for you.
PS...If I were you, I would rent a storage locker (don't tell hubbie and keep all records with your daughter, maybe have her pay for it and reimburse her later) and put all my valuables that I don't use regularly into it. I would then give my daughter an extra key and let her know that everything in it is hers.....that way twit would have no way of getting anything, should the unforeseen occur. This seems extreme, but from your history with her, nothing is beneath her.
So agree lala-land. A lot of
So agree lala-land. A lot of jewelry is in a safety deposit box and DD has the other key JIC.
As to Tw*it's DH, well at one time I thought he was on the verge of leaving but it never happened.
He, and every one else just lets Twit make up these outrageous stories, how she is being victimized by every one, allow her to lie about all kinds of things, etc. and never call her on it. They do her no favors IMHO. She just gets worse and worse and loses touch with reality, IMHO.
There is absolutely no way one can have any relationship with a chronic liar. Oh, she knows what she is saying because, unlike some liars, she tends to remember the lies she tells. Must say, that part surprises me as most liars don't. And when she does get caught quickly goes into another lie to justify the first lie so smoothly. You have to hear it because she does it so smoothly but yet what she is saying is bizarre or just plain BS.
DH now admits he just listens to her, says little and really doesn't care what she says....just lets it go. He, IMHO, is and was just as much of the problem in letting her get this goofy, but there is more to her craziness than just that.
Oh well, not my problem.
Twit is my SD - Adult 52+
Twit is my SD - Adult 52+ years old. And I have informed the gate house that she is Persona Non Grata. They keep a list of such in their computer there, so I don't expect to be bothered like this again.
I mean, who in all creation she would have showed up like this!. I don't believe she ever mentioned their destination (other than showing up here) just thatthey were on vacation and thought they'd stop by...you know...just happened to be in the neighborhood. Yeah, RIGHT!
SDM, she didn't just "show
SDM, she didn't just "show up." Your DH invited her or at least told her he was OK with her coming. That is evidenced by your statement, "But, she waited around and when DH came home was right there so, DH brought her back with him."
How did she know DH was out? How did she know that he would be coming back and it was worth waiting around? This whole little trip was probably planned with your DH's complete knowledge and acquiescence.
Last but not least, why did DH bring them back to the house - knowing your feelings about them?
IMO, if you think your DH isn't still in contact with them you are sorely mistaken.
2tired4drama - I think hung
2tired4drama - I think hung around the area because, since no one answered her call she figured we would come back sooner or later. That would be "normal" for her. Don't forget, she was trying to get a place to stay for a few days so she would wait as long as it took and keep trying.
Dh was caught off guard, otherwise he knows much better than to drag that thing back to our place. But, he did let it be known that she wasn't sticking around, hence the early dinner and a quick good bye - have a good trip where ever you are going. Otherwise I think he would have offered her a place to stay etc.
I was just thinking of you
I was just thinking of you "she's driving me crazy"; had not heard a word from you and was hoping you were enjoying a peaceful life. It sounds like you are for the most.
Good for you! You handled the entire situation perfect. I am in the exact same boat at this point of my disengagement. Haven't seen or heard from SD58 for 4 months; but today she will be stopping in to see "daddy" for a few minutes, while DH's family from out of State are here. Under the circumstances, visiting family is also SD's family, so I will let this one go; but will not hostess or make SD comfortable in any way. I will be civil and respectful, but will not engage in conversations with her. Hopefully she stays less than an hour.
DH knew she was coming by today; I just found out by accident last evening, from SGS39, by FB message to me. I am letting this go for the time, because DH needs to enjoy his family from out of State; I like them also and we always have a nice visit, once a year. I do not want to argue and spoil the visit, thus SD has told DH, she can only stop by for a few minutes, on her way home to the neighboring State. After everyone has departed in the next 3 days and we are again alone; believe me we have a conversation on my priority list, about SD dropping in. We've already had this conversation six months ago, in regards to our new home. Guess DH thought I would not notice that he broke the boundary that we both set. My family has been asked to call before stopping by, friends have been asked to call before stopping by; SD58 is no exception for damn sure.
I wish I had a locked gate! Proud of you!
We got the whiney message
We got the whiney message from TwIT, as expected. How cruel we were not to let them stay and see the sights (yeah, there you have it...looking for free room and board) and how they soo wanted to spend time with us. (Yeah, right.) Poor her, her dogs are all sick, Drunkie is drinking again (Heck, I'd drink too at having been cooped up with her on a road trip). Poor her. She found out her Mother went up North to visit friends and didn't even stop by or call! (Not that Twit was home) Everyone picks on her, poor her. It went on but...
I Deleted it. DH just shook his head.
I told him that she needs to stay on her side of the Mississippi river and not bother us. Putting it like that got DH to laugh and give me a hug. "Well put" he said.
Being faaar away from TwIt is wonderful and it needs to stay that way. Hopefully, sooner or later she will give up, but I doubt it.
Glad to hear her visit did
Glad to hear her visit did not seem to sway DH. She may have been looking for a free room but I'll bet there was another motive to dropping by. Hoping that your lack of response to her phone call will clue her in to what your thoughts are. You did the right thing by not responding and deleting the call. I hope for your sake she gets mad at you and 'shuns you for a very long time.
You know Sandye, you have a
You know Sandye, you have a point there. We haven't been feeding her neurosis (sp) so she is looking for a fix, and to keep an eye on things. One thing you can bet is that she is very nervous that we are living closer to her older sister.
You know, now that I think of it, I am surprised she didn't bring up the fact that I haven't ordered anything from her Pot and Pan company for the BTB (the one who is holding off the wedding until sometime in 2018/2019). Hmmm. Somehow I am not at all certain that engagement is going to result in marriage. Generally, the bride wants to get it all accomplished but this one keeps putting it off, so to speak. Perhaps the thought of a MIL like Twit scares the begesus out of her, as it should.