GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Child Support Has Ended!

No, not my DH paying it, but me receiving it from my ex. BS will turn 21 next week, and I got the final payment in the mail yesterday.

I've got no complaints. It was peanuts, it didn't pay for much, and my ex bitched about paying it, but it came every two weeks as ordered. And because of it (and because I was smart), every penny of that CS for the past ten or so years has gone into a savings account for my son, and he now has $21,000 that he doesn't know about. That money will be given to him at a time I feel is appropriate (like when he graduates college and is looking for a place, or wanting to buy a house, or needing a new car, etc.). If I gave it to him now, he'd spend it all taking his GF out to eat and to concerts!

I feel good about that. I wish more BMs would actually use the money as it was intended, to support their children. And it always seems like it's BMs who use it for themselves.

onwednesdayswewearpink's picture

Wahoo! That's an awesome

Wahoo! That's an awesome idea!!

Salems Lot's picture

What a great gift for your

What a great gift for your son. Smiling
I wish more BM's would do the same, not necessarily save the money, but at least use it for the intended purpose. (Not saying all or most BM's spend CS on themselves, but many do).
When our skids came over, they were always in clothes that were either too small or worn out. Most of their clothes were second hand or if they were new, they had to use their own birthday/Christmas money to buy them or someone else bought it for them. We ourselves were always buying them clothes and shoes to wear when they visited.. These items always disappeared. BM claimed she couldn't afford to buy these things for the skids, but she could go on yearly, sometimes bi-yearly vacations out of Province, out of Country and even to the Caribbean.

—

Lord, give me coffee to change the things I can change and wine to accept the things I can't.

Narcissist (n): a more polite term for a self-serving, manipulative, evil a$$hole with no soul.

thinkthrice's picture

same here.

same here.

—

Author of "The Guilty Parent Trap"--Amazon Kindle

skatermom's picture

This is what every BM

This is what every BM receiving child support should do, not spend it on purses, jeans, hair and nails like the BM in my situation does

ChiefGrownup's picture

You are awesome!!!!!

You are awesome!!!!!

—

Schikdrenwhuch: Hansel and Gretel Blue Plate Special. -- Taushalove

I could smell the GUBM sulfur spewing from her cloven hooves eons ago. -- Ladyface

Llilac's picture

You're an awesome mom! Your

You're an awesome mom! Your bio is such a lucky kid.

Cocktail..Hour..Please's picture

Congratulations on your son

Congratulations on your son turning 21. It's a proud moment when your children become adults officially. And that is a wonderful nest egg for him.

Sucks you turned your lovely post around and insulted all biological moms of divorce, assuming we all spend the money on ourselves if we don't put it in to a savings.

I'm always amazed by the assumptions and blanket statements people can make.

—

smash a pineapple, smash some mint, boil some sugar in water, find some really good vodka, add some club soda....and there ya go. How to get thru step life.

secret's picture

I don't think she assumed

I don't think she assumed that at all... I think she just meant she wished that those who DO use it for themselves, wouldn't.... you know, those BM's who have the best clothes, perfect nails, take trips... but can't afford new sneakers for the kids?

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GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

"I wish more BMs would

"I wish more BMs would actually use the money as it was intended, to support their children. And it always seems like it's BMs who use it for themselves."

Those are my words, exactly. There's no blanket statement there about ALL BMs. But yes, it is many of them. Many, many of us on here have them, the selfish ones.

No assuming here was done by one. Sorry if you took it that way.

—

Don't wrestle with a pig. You only end up getting dirty and besides, the pig likes it.

I wish I were a unicorn so I could stab all the fucktards with my head.

Cocktail..Hour..Please's picture

This is a very concentrated

This is a very concentrated group of stepmoms on the site. I would say the world at large from my experience with people, biological moms go out of their way to do right by their kids. Smiling

Of course in my case, the biological mom does absolutely nothing for her kid whatsoever. So this step mom has to take care of her along with my own children financially.

—

smash a pineapple, smash some mint, boil some sugar in water, find some really good vodka, add some club soda....and there ya go. How to get thru step life.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Yes, I do need to remember

Yes, I do need to remember that we on here are disproportionately affected by the bad BMs. I do agree that in the real world, most moms DO try to do their best by their kids. Smiling

Yeah, I feel you. The BM is our scenario couldn't do crap for her kids either. She and her hubby always had the newest iPhone and went to every emo/goth/punk concert they could, but the skids never had money in their school lunch accounts or clothes that fit. She sucks.

—

Don't wrestle with a pig. You only end up getting dirty and besides, the pig likes it.

I wish I were a unicorn so I could stab all the fucktards with my head.

Gimlet's picture

I think the savings account

I think the savings account is great, good job!

I edited, but I'm going to put this back. I had commented that I commend Ghost for what she's done but that I don't see any shame in spending CS for the kids either. I know that's not what she meant, and I like Ghost an awful lot and wasn't trying to detract from what she's done.

I'm not butt hurt or anything like that, but it's just not possible for some CP's to save all their CS, regardless of the amount they get. Of course we all have experience with BM's who waste it, but that was not my point either.

I can celebrate with Ghost and still make that remark. I am just putting this back because I don't want to not stand behind my words, not because I want to derail this in any way.

Congrats, Ghost!

—

"I've figured out people tell you take the high road because that's easier than it is make the assholes behave" -FruitSalad704

"Steplife is transformative, sort of like a crematorium" - exjuliemccoy

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

And it was not my intention

And it was not my intention at all to make BMs (or BDs) who spend the money on their kids feel bad. Most of us do that; it's what it's for. I had to spend every penny I got for CS for bare necessities when BS was very little. If he wanted to eat, I spent the CS. But it was spent on HIM. Not my hair or my nails or new purses. I'm grateful that I eventually got to a point where I could afford to take care of both of us my own, without having to depend on CS. It was actually my grandmother who gave me the idea to save it for BS once I could, and it was very wise advice.

That's all. Those of you who know me know I'm not about making other people feel bad. I'm not about that at all. Smiling

—

Don't wrestle with a pig. You only end up getting dirty and besides, the pig likes it.

I wish I were a unicorn so I could stab all the fucktards with my head.

Gimlet's picture

I know, Ghost. I only put my

I know, Ghost. I only put my response back because I realized that I should clarify instead of taking it down. I did not at all intend to imply that you meant that.

I'm super happy for you and for your son!

—

"I've figured out people tell you take the high road because that's easier than it is make the assholes behave" -FruitSalad704

"Steplife is transformative, sort of like a crematorium" - exjuliemccoy

Gimlet's picture

Ghosty, I'm sorry. I read

Ghosty, I'm sorry. I read this and probably projected a bit and replied without considering the source. You are always kind and fair.

Please accept my apology for the diversion.

—

"I've figured out people tell you take the high road because that's easier than it is make the assholes behave" -FruitSalad704

"Steplife is transformative, sort of like a crematorium" - exjuliemccoy

mustang2008's picture

I was and am just like

I was and am just like you....

I saved every penny my kids got as gift money for birthdays, Christmas etc. I gave it to them when they turned 17 and needed a car.

1st son had $9,000 in his gift money account at 17
2nd son had $8,300 in his account
3rd son had $8,000 in his account.

I too, wish more BM's would not spend the excess monies meant for the kids on stupid foolish everyday things.
Every mom should be able to financially support her own children.

somethingwicked's picture

Take that $21, 000 and open a

Take that $21, 000 and open a Roth IRA in your son's name that he can access for college ; or put it into another short term investment with a low maintenance fee investment institution .(Fidelity is one )
You can access your money from a ROTH any time since it is post tax dollars you've invested.
Some retirement plans can be accessed for certain life changes like college ,health issues or first time home purchase. Check that out.

YOU ARE an awesome mom!
Now make that money you so diligently saved for your son grow a bit more in the next few years or leave it and he'll have a very nice nest egg when he is ready to retire.

Smiling

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

That's a good idea, thanks!

That's a good idea, thanks! I'll definitely look into it.

—

Don't wrestle with a pig. You only end up getting dirty and besides, the pig likes it.

I wish I were a unicorn so I could stab all the fucktards with my head.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

$56 per MONTH for one kid

$56 per MONTH for one kid back in 1999, which, thanks to COLAs, ended all the way up $170 a month in 2016. It hardly made a dent in "maintaining the child's pre-divorce standard of living," which is the point of CS. Hell, groceries alone for a six-foot-tall teenager sost twice that!

Definitely not slamming anyone. Just patting myself on the back a little, I guess. We should all do that now and again. Smiling

—

Don't wrestle with a pig. You only end up getting dirty and besides, the pig likes it.

I wish I were a unicorn so I could stab all the fucktards with my head.

thinkthrice's picture

hell Chef got it "reduced" to

hell Chef got it "reduced" to 200 a week and that was based on his massive salary of 48K a year. We live in NY as well where taxes take approx 50% of earnings (income, property, school, etc) The Gir gets her $200 a week after taxes are sucked out

—

Author of "The Guilty Parent Trap"--Amazon Kindle

zerostepdrama's picture

Congrats and great job with

Congrats and great job with the savings. What a nice gift to give to your son.

—

"I don't take stuff personal from a person who doesn't know me personally."

"It so doesn't matter who likes us... WE like Us."
-Pom Pom Squad

zerostepdrama's picture

Not the same but I'm just

Not the same but I'm just putting this out here... if I ever receive a windfall of the back CS that my Ex owes I am going to spend a large portion on myself! I'm going to take a very very nice vacation Smiling

—

"I don't take stuff personal from a person who doesn't know me personally."

"It so doesn't matter who likes us... WE like Us."
-Pom Pom Squad

Salems Lot's picture

If your Ex owes you a lot of

If your Ex owes you a lot of money, then that means you forked out his share of child expenses out of your own pocket, therefore you deserve to spend a portion of that windfall on yourself!

—

Lord, give me coffee to change the things I can change and wine to accept the things I can't.

Narcissist (n): a more polite term for a self-serving, manipulative, evil a$$hole with no soul.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

I couldn't agree more!

I couldn't agree more!

—

Don't wrestle with a pig. You only end up getting dirty and besides, the pig likes it.

I wish I were a unicorn so I could stab all the fucktards with my head.

imaSmom's picture

That's what I did. Shit. And

That's what I did. Shit. And I don't care who takes issue with it--all the damn money I spend on my kid, I REALLLLLY don't want to hear it!

—

The freedom, the strength, the will to do as I damn well please.

Pecanflower's picture

That is Awesome Sauce right

That is Awesome Sauce right there!!!

guppies's picture

Great job mommy, now make

Great job mommy, now make sure you protect it if anything should happen to you.

—

It takes a strong man to step up to the plate another man left on the table.

Goodluck's picture

Great Job!!! Ok now that CS

Great Job!!!

Ok now that CS has ended for you. Here is a question.

What do you REALLY say it costs to raise a kid per month.

—

The second type of triangulation is a cross-generational coalition in which one parent forms a coalition with the child against the other parent. This is the type of triangulation involved in the pathology traditionally called β€œparental alienation”.

Cocktail..Hour..Please's picture

Regarding the question about

Regarding the question about what it cost to raise a kid per month, you got to think about what state you're living in.

I've been raising kids for 23 years now. It was way cheaper to raise a kid in Florida than it is in Hawaii. Can't even compare the cost of housing in a good school district between Florida and Hawaii. If i told you how much I paid in rent to be in the best school district on the island, you probably faint. LOL

—

smash a pineapple, smash some mint, boil some sugar in water, find some really good vodka, add some club soda....and there ya go. How to get thru step life.

Cocktail..Hour..Please's picture

Rent in this district is

Rent in this district is 2700-3300 a month. But the school definitely is worth it. The opportunities it's giving the kids is priceless.

—

smash a pineapple, smash some mint, boil some sugar in water, find some really good vodka, add some club soda....and there ya go. How to get thru step life.

BethAnne's picture

People manage to raise kids

People manage to raise kids with practically no money and yet most people always feel like some more money would always help even if they have great incomes. I do not think that it is really realistic to say it costs x amount as it depends on what the parent(s) can afford and their expectations for their children's childhood.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

HA! I know for damn sure it

HA! I know for damn sure it cost FAR, FAR more than I ever got in CS.

$56 per MONTH for one kid back in 1999, which went all the way up to $170 a month in 2016. It hardly made a dent in "maintaining the child's pre-divorce standard of living," which is the point of CS.

I raised my kid financially on my own, at least after the first few years.

—

Don't wrestle with a pig. You only end up getting dirty and besides, the pig likes it.

I wish I were a unicorn so I could stab all the fucktards with my head.

Salems Lot's picture

WOW. That wouldn't even buy a

WOW. That wouldn't even buy a pair of good shoes.

—

Lord, give me coffee to change the things I can change and wine to accept the things I can't.

Narcissist (n): a more polite term for a self-serving, manipulative, evil a$$hole with no soul.

robin333's picture

Very impressive saving savvy

Very impressive saving savvy Ghost!

—

"I've seen dogs with better manners." Aniki

"A healthy future depends on having productive members of society - not basement dwellers." Notasm3

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

LOL! My momma didn't raise no

LOL! My momma didn't raise no fool! Laughing out loud

—

Don't wrestle with a pig. You only end up getting dirty and besides, the pig likes it.

I wish I were a unicorn so I could stab all the fucktards with my head.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

I'm sure he'll be gobsmacked

I'm sure he'll be gobsmacked when I finally decide to give it to him!

Ole Ann? Very quiet lately. She's not talking much about her personal life since our little intervention. Eye-wink

—

Don't wrestle with a pig. You only end up getting dirty and besides, the pig likes it.

I wish I were a unicorn so I could stab all the fucktards with my head.

Maxwell09's picture

I tell DH all the time he

I tell DH all the time he needs to take BM for child support so we can start a savings account for him and let it build up so by the time college tuition runs around, "BM's contribution" will already be there waiting for SS and DH doesn't get stuck with the whole bill.

hereiam's picture

Had DH had custody, he would

Had DH had custody, he would have definitely tried to collect CS and would have saved it. How some men can just let these women slide and not even TRY, I will never understand. Of course, that doesn't mean they will pay but...

Livingoutloud's picture

There was no way I could save

There was no way I could save any of the child support.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Most people can't. I

Most people can't. I certainly couldn't the first 8-9 years. I just happened to get lucky with my career. Plus I can pinch pennies like no one can!

—

Don't wrestle with a pig. You only end up getting dirty and besides, the pig likes it.

I wish I were a unicorn so I could stab all the fucktards with my head.