Trouble with step daughter .. Help!
Hi everyone,
I am looking for some advice/solution in regards to my issues with my step daughter.
My step daughter is 10 years old , I have been dating her father for 2 years now (her parents have been separated for 5 years and her mother has been in another relationship since she left her dad) I have a 5 year old son.
The last year and a half been amazing but over the last 6 months we have been running into issues with his daughter. She seems to have extreme jealousy issues all directed at me.
Some examples:
* On the weekend we took my son to a sporting event with one of my girlfriends and her son (my bfs stepdaughter was sepending the weekend with her mother as we are leaving for a vacation next week)when she found out we were going she called her father screaming and crying asking him why he was going without her and then sent me some messages saying we dont care about her, and to have fun without her.
* freaked out about us possibly having a baby(we are not planning on having children anytime soon) asking her dad to promise her he wont have a baby.
*episodes when she crys saying her dad loves me more than her
Please help !
I think im just confused with
I think im just confused with the whole situation, for so long everything was going great, I treat her like my own.
Normally jealousy issues start in the beginning dont they?
I had a similar thing happen
I had a similar thing happen when I first met my SD. I think that what helps the child understand is him having a conversation with SD and explaining that he loves her/SD and that he is also happy with you. He needs to set clear boundaries. Kind of sounds like SD thinks this is a competition for attention but realistically its never ok for a parent to have to choose between a gf/wife and their kid. So ya I think yall just need a good sit down with her, hopefully it all works out!
If a man allows a child (or
If a man allows a child (or anyone!) to call him screaming - "checking him" - about ANY decision that he, as a man, makes... and he doesn't immediately put that person in their place... he's wimpy. (Ewww.) You will grow tired of the wimpiness and resent his little brat as she grows older, breast-ier and more manipulative. Your "man" is the one who should be scouring the forums for advice/solutions about how to get his daughter in line AND how to keep you around after you witnessed his inept parenting. This is his battle and he handled those situations poorly enough for you to put the brakes on the relationship.
I would not marry this man
I would not marry this man sorry - you will never be first in his life, SD is only 10 - wait till she's 16 Hon....
Ignore the brat, sit your boyfriend down and talk to him, make it clear that you do not agree with him telling his daughter she will always be first, what does that say about you? He needs to explain to her, she was not with him and with BM... they have their fun and he has the right to go on with his life when she is not there, it does not mean he loves her less, it simply means that she was not there and he has a life....
He needs to tell her that it has nothing to do with her if he marries you and if you have a child together, she's a child and have no say in adult matters, she will not tell him how to lead his life, and if he wants to marry you he will, if you and him decide to have 12 other kids, it's still between you and him and not her... it also does not mean he loves her less.
Then he should make it very clear to her, if she ever screams and behaves like a brat again there will be consequences.... and he needs to stick to it...
but think hard and carefully if you really want to marry this man, already putting his 10 year old daughter on 5 steps above you....
Read these posts and heed the
Read these posts and heed the advise of experience; he means it when he says you will never come first. What he actually means is....you will always come last and also be his love slave--along with maid to those who come first....
You can do much better than this man and you can still make a happier future for yourself. He is showing you WHO?WHAT he is NOW, which is a huge blessing for you. Some of our husbands strategically waited and eventually reality set in, and for many of us it was here to stay....This is not a happy place for YOU. Of course, he would like it....if he can convince you to be a second class servant to him.