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HORRIBLE step son

pq8501's picture

Submitted by pq8501 on Tue, 05/02/2017 - 9:50pm

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Teenage Stepchildren

How does one deal / cope when they truly dislike one of their step children? My 13 year old step son is downright awful. I am the type of person to always try and find the good in someone but this kid is so phenomenally self absorbed. He thrives off of manipulation, using others, lying and just being a little cuss for lack for a better term. He only talks to his father who he wants something, is blatantly disrespectful to me and is a very bad influence on my own kids who are younger. I am at my wits end right now and I've been lucky enough not to have seen him in a month. I get anxiety whenever it its time for him to come here which is not heathy.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 05/02/2017 - 10:55pm

Time to give DH clarity that he either fixes his prior relationship spawn or SS-13 will not return to YOUR home. If SS-13 does not immediately and eternally comply with the behavioral standards that you and DH set for your home... he will not be welcome in the home. Enforce those standards consistently for all children in the home in an age appropriate manner. A 13yo will be held to a higher standard than a 6yo for example.

Pretty simple IMHO.

pq8501's picture

Submitted by pq8501 on Wed, 05/03/2017 - 2:52pm

Thank you for taking the time to respond.
I have spoken with DH about this issue on multiple occasions and little to nothing has been done. He wants to put it all on me (the same role bio mom had) which is A) unfair and Dirol likely to have poor ramifications. I am hurt, tired and run down and that is on good days. I am now bracing myself for when the next visit is (3 weeks). At which point I may just snap but if that is what it takes then I have little choice left. If SS-13 leaves then I am fine with that I cannot deal with his manipulative, sanctimonious, self entitled ways anymore, I am beyond done. DH can have visitation outside our home if he so chooses but I will no longer be involved, nor will my children. It's a shitty situation.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 05/03/2017 - 5:13pm

Time to give daddy clarity. If he refuses to step up and parent then he can STFU while you do it. If he does not like how you do it then he can step up and get it done before you have to.

Print up a list of reasonable behavioral expectations for all of the kids in the home and post them. Have a sit down with all of the other kids and start enforcing those standards immediately. When SS shows up... you and DH sit down with him , review the standards, and start immediate enforcement. If he fails to comply.... bring the pain. Whatever that entails to get his attention. Shut off the internet and cable TV, take his phone, stick in in a corner with his nose in contact with both walls and he can stand there until you get tired.....

Enforce the standards of behavior consistently and in an age appropriate manner for each kid in the mix.

I you don't take control of this DH sure won't and you will get the same results you have always experienced.

Try something different. Start with zero tolerance and bring the misery. Kids avoid misery at all costs and if the only option in avoiding misery is compliance... guess what? They comply.