SKids making plans with DH
So OSD has sent yet another text message to DH.
OSD: Your grandson has been constantly asking about you.
DH: Awwwww
OSD: We need to set something up soon.
End of conversation.
So #1- I doubt a 3 year old is asking about DH 2 weeks after he saw him for a total of 2 hours with 5 other people around, including 2 other kids in a kids fun play area. Grandson did not get that bonded with DH in that time frame. Prior to that DH has not seen grandson in almost a year. Clearly OSD is trying to use her son to bait DH into something or for something. I don't think DH is falling for it, but if he does that's on him.
But here's the thing that bothers me. If OSD really wanted to see her dad, why doesn't she make a plan? Like a friend pointed out to me when telling them about this. Why doesn't she follow up the "We need to set something up soon" with an actual plan. Let's meet for coffee, at the park, etc.
She doesn't because she wants DH to set up a plan that would include eating out, kid fun place, etc. She wants DH to make the plan because then it would include having money spent on her and her kids.
The girl skids always whine "Oh we never get to see Daaadddddyyyy...." waaa waaa waaa yet they never take the initiative and make the plan to see Daaadddyyyyy.
It's too much work for them to actual put an effort into seeing their dad.
I'm not sure if DH is falling for it. He's been pretty distance with the skids for awhile. Especially OSD. I think he just became mentally exhausted from dealing with them and their drama and troubles, etc. But I feel like DH and OSD hanging out recently he is getting a little bit sucked back in.
Anyone else with adult skids do this?
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Comments
Why would daughter have to
Why would daughter have to make plans. That makes no sense.
I mean if daddy really loves her then shouldn't he be happy doing everything.
It's it a privlage to pay for everything.
What do you mean no?
She's an adult. She can put forth some effort to find a time to get together. I agree.
Exactly- when I really want
Exactly- when I really want to spend time with someone, I make the effort to get the ball rolling on that.
Oh yeah it's never what can I
Oh yeah it's never what can I do for you dad... it's always what can dad do for them.
I will say the exception is SS. Majority of the time it is about him needing/wanting something but he does do stuff for DH and will pop into his work every now and then to visit.
My OSS19 is similar. DH
My OSS19 is similar. DH never hears from him unless he wants something or needs DH to do something. DH would text and call OSS several times a week with zero reply. But the second OSS needs something, he is coming over and kissing DH's butt. It took DH a long time to actually see this was happening and even longer for DH to actually do anything about it. Now DH seems very disconnected from OSS. I don't blame him.
MSS Is being groomed the same way.
I had a former SD who used to act this way toward me. The only time I would hear from her was when she wanted something. She also tried to use her BS as a tool/ weapon to get her way. I finally withdrew from the entire situation. I refuse to be used like that.
I think BM has groomed the
I think BM has groomed the girl skids this way.
She's 24, 2 kids and another
She's 24, 2 kids and another on the way and married.
Yes my parents treated me. The difference though is that she whines and cries on social media and to anyone who will listen that she never gets to see her dad. But then she never makes an actual plan with him. If she really wanted to see him then she would figure it out. Not just wait for him to offer to take her out.
No problem for him to treat her, but I do have a problem when she uses him to get treated.
I think she is currently
I think she is currently living with BM but that should be changing very soon. Even when she did have her own place she never invited DH over to visit her then.
I don't say anything to him
I don't say anything to him about it. Big change from before when I would have to make a comment to him about how awful his kids are. So there is that big improvement.
I do monitor his texts because I feel like I need a heads up of what is coming. I really do not 100% trust him to make the best decision when it comes to the skids. And then when that happens- who is impacted- ME! Yes it is controlling and no I don't like it or feel 100% good about it but it feels like one of those things... taking preventive measures. Maybe not with this example but with other things before. I know it's something I need to work on...
I bitch about the skids here- I don't bitch to him about them. (With the exception of YSD and the money issue because if I hadn't he would be giving her the $400.)
I don't ask DH directly
I don't ask DH directly because I feel like he tries to hide the truth. Not a flat out lie but he gives a half ass answer and then clams up and then it makes it even more frustrating for me.
You are speaking too much
You are speaking too much logic here
I am going to try to be better about it. Especially with YSD aging out. I need to trust DH more that he can make the right decisions. I know I have the tendency to be controlling and not having control of a situation makes me anxious but being too controlling makes me too anxious. So, something has to give.
Preventative measures is just
Preventative measures is just a way to work ourselves up in advance. It seriously had affected my health-I got advice from the ladies here-
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Ain't that the truth. I am guilty of sneaking a peel at BMs text, but hers only. Where it would send my mind soaring and cause me stress for imaginary scenarios, now it is just entertainment for me.
As for the money, I do remind DSO what the financial statement looks like, but I sure don't like if he puts in his 2 cents on what I spend my money on, so I can't be a hypocrite.