Dealing with Stepchildren that don't Respect You
I have the stepchildren from Hell!!! I married a man that had a daughter and a son. I feel they have always have been jealous of me because their father married me. The daughter is a real mess. Got messed up on drugs and she wants to live with us. Her father and I have told her no.Thank goodness she is not living with us. I don't think her father or me could handle the drama.
The stepson lived with us for many years. After the ex wifes child support was over she threw the son out. He had no where to go so he moved in with us. He was very disrespectful and downright ugly. I was told to just up all the time and my name was b....tch. Always telling me shut up b....tch. He has called me every name in the book. His father would threaten him not to speak to me that way, but nothing never materialized. These stepchildren are now adults. The son went to move back in with his mom, but that lasted only a few months. He thought he was going to move back in. Told me that his father paid the bills and I did not have anything to say about the matter. When he came to the house with car full of his things, I said no he is not living here and my husband agreed. We had him stay in an in suite until we could figure something out. Well he found a partime job paying minimum wage and we placed in an apartment. Of course, we are paying the bill. His father told him he has a year to get a job that pays a decent wage and pay for most of his expenses or he is on is own. Homeless. I know this sounds terrible, but what if is father was not living anymore, What would he do? I hope his father goes through with these conditions. I tried everything to be good to his children. I am now a very resentful stepmother and don't want anything to do with his children.
OH MY GOSH Give your ss a
OH MY GOSH
Give your ss a printed out list of available rentals in your area, a printed out list of social services in case he needs food stamps or work first money and the want adds.
Its not up to YOU and DH if he becomes homeless, it's up to your adult ss.
Oh and give him a print out of local Military Recruiting offices address too.
Paying the bills?? I might give first months rent, and maybe first light bill but not more,....UNTIL he proves himself. He may need to shack up with 2,3 more buddies to make rent and the light bill.
HE Needs to figure this out. Parents with kids this age are too quick to give their adult kids everything---they learn nothing other than to expect hand outs.
Let us know how it goes.
Oh one more thing,,,,I don't
Oh one more thing,,,,I don't deal with disrespectful kids. She/he can behave that way from afar.
That your DH is paying this
That your DH is paying this POS kid's rent makes me sick. :sick:
The spawn are gone and long since stopped being worthy of any parental support as indicated by their actions.
I told my DH; "One minute of
I told my DH; "One minute of disrespect from your grown kids in our home and I will handle it. You stay out of it. I am perfectly capable of showing them the door and holding it open, while they go through it. If it comes to that, they are not welcome back and I will tell them so. If you don't like it, you are going right behind them, by force if necessary."
DH knows I will do it. I've proven that I am not threatening, I am promising them all.
Maybe you need to step up and take control of your own home, no matter the price. That is what I did. You will be surprised of the results. It can't get much worse for you, from what you are saying here.
((((hugs)))) and good luck.
Abso-FRICKIN-lutely this
Abso-FRICKIN-lutely this ^^^^^^^^^
"I haven't seen or spoken to
"I haven't seen or spoken to one SS in a year and a half and I haven't seen or spoken to the other in about 7 years. I, of course, encourage my husband to see them, take them out to eat...whatever. But me? I don't have to. Period." Echo
Perfect advice. One does not need to have anything to do with toxic aholes - even if they share DNA with one of your loved ones.
I gave my SS31 a second chance after a few years of disengagement and got stabbed in the back (home invasion while we were on vacation). He is 100% DEAD TO ME FOREVER now. And I do not have one bit of guilt over it. I do not care if SS becomes a saint or that he has produced DH's grandchild. He just does not exist in my life. DH is free to see him as he wishes.
WOW. That you were allowed to
WOW. That you were allowed to be called that name and told to shut up in your own home, on numerous occasions - that's outrageous. Although I have been called that once, in the heat of a tirade by SD18, its not happened since then, in the 6 months. Your husband needs to cut that money train off immediately.
Ordinarily anyone would not
Ordinarily anyone would not believe that your DH would allow SS to stay in the home after calling you names and being so obnoxious. But the sad truth is, this is 'Stepworld' and it happens to a lot of us. As Sammi wrote, if your DH won't do what he should, you need to create boundaries for both SS AND DH.
Six years ago I had to take up for myself and I've never been sorry for it.
Your DH sounds like a classic
Your DH sounds like a classic enabler. At least the adult skid is not in your home but he's still holed up in DH's wallet. To pay bills for a year and then cut skid off sounds like a plan waiting to fail. There needs to be some tapering every month so skid can get used to paying for things himself until he's on his own. I know you have no say in this but I hope DH will get a clue.
My DH enabled ss31 for over a decade by paying his bills and allowing him to come home whenever his living situations would fail. ss31 still does not have to really be in the real world because he now lives w/mommy. The good news is that DH finally made ss31 start paying his own bills. It seems like DH got tired of the *expectation* that he will do it with no thanks and nasty behavior. When ss31's gf called DH and begged him to please pay ss's phone bill so he'd stop using hers DH was peeved and realized how ridiculous the situation was.
I hope your DH keeps his word but I would just stay out of it as long as skid is out of your house and your funds are not being used.
(((Best to you)))
your experience is very
your experience is very common for step mothers. sometimes the resentment never leaves. if the husband lacks the balls to deal with his adults children, you are doomed. you must disengage or leave the marriage.
at least your husband has the good sense not to let his loser of a daughter live with you, and deal with loser son. i hope they both stay out of your house and life. a nasty son like that should never be allowed to live with you under any circumstance. name calling is the game changer.
this was the case with my skids. bm kicked them out of her house when cs ended when they turned eighteen. then the skids moved in with dh and me to go to college. all of them ganged up on me and demanded dh divorce me. with the girls it was the electra complex on steroids as they wanted daddeeee for themselves. one of the skids got kicked out of the military and moved in with us. very ugly. when skid told me to my face to f-off that is when they were shown the door. no one says that to me while living under my roof and gets away with it. the skid was booted out only to learn living on ones own is not as easy as if looks. one has bills and has to pay for food.
no brats in the nest now and am much happier.
I have so much resentment.
I have so much resentment. The SS has even strangled me. When my husband came home he looked at my neck and smiled. He told me that If I went to the authorities, he would take care of me. All I did was tell the SS to leave the plumber alone. Every time a service person would come to the house, carpet cleaner, plumber. I would tell SS to get his car out of the garage if he needed to go somewhere. As soon as the service person would be diligently working, the SS would come out of his room and tell the service people to move their vehicle. I approached my SS and said why do you do this every time someone shows up to the house, he then started telling me to shut up slapped me and then proceeded to choke me. I feel like I am living in insanity.
If DH is still allowing SS to
If DH is still allowing SS to live in the house after all of this, he isn't showing any kind of respect for you as a human being. Plus it is too dangerous to continue living like that. Obtain a court order and kick both of them to the curb.
SS slapped and choked you?
SS slapped and choked you? :? :jawdrop: And you did not shoot his ass and turn him into daisy food? That your DH threatened you tells me all I need to know about the POS you married.
The next service provider you should call is the locksmith to come rekey the locks so you can put this shallow and polluted gene pool on the curb.
Immediately after you call your lawyer to file for divorce, call the police .
Take this POS for every penny you can and put he and his toxic spawn living under an over pass.
Enjoy the first day of your new life adventure with these POS wastes of genetic material fading in your proverbial rear view mirror.
Take care of you.
"he would take care of me";
"he would take care of me"; what the hell does that mean? If anyone, especially my DH, threatened me in that manner, I would call the authorities and get a protective order against both of them.
Why don't you just call the authorities and let them take it from there; you don't even have to be present, you can step outside, while they handle it. I would file a police report on the strangling and threat from your DH immediately.
What did your DH mean, when he said this to you??????
That is over the line!!!!!
You need to get out of this
You need to get out of this situation immediately!
Call the police and have this
Call the police and have this kid charged, take pics, make recordings ahead of time on your phone to share....You need documentation, keep a copy your evidence somewhere outside of your home. Show it all to the police when they arrive and have the kid charged and the husband put out of the house, for his support of violence toward you.
Keep a separate bank account to prepare for this inevitable day, it sounds.
Never allow either one of them to TOUCH you like that again!
Only one time would this
Only one time would this happen to me and it would be the last time!!!!!
Is this for real....I seem to
Is this for real....I seem to be asking that a lot these days. These stories start out believable, then they suddenly escalate to near death experiences. If this situation is true, then you need to get out there now. Name calling and physical violence by your SS and supported by your husband are major deal breakers for most people. These people are not children, they are adults who should not be in your home and by the sounds of it, your SS should be in jail.
GoingCrazy, the fact that
GoingCrazy, the fact that your husband didn't do anything when your SS strangled you speaks volumes. I wish you had called the police. Your SS has some serious issues. Is your DH waiting for your SS to seriously hurt, or kill you?
When I met my now husband, he was sleeping with a large knife under the mattress. His adult son had attacked him one night in his bed while he was sleeping. Luckily, my husband was able to lock himself in the bathroom and call the police. All this happened while the BM was downstairs. She heard the fight and didn't call the police herself! Nice, huh? This same SS asked us if we needed a roommate when he saw our new place a few years ago. To quote Rags, and Mr. Big of course, abso-FRICKIN-lutely NOT!