secret's picture

OT - what's the worst fight you ever had with your spouse?

I haven't fought with mine yet. We've disagreed on a few things, but it never got negative... he stated his stance, I stated mine, we agreed we had different views on it and moved on to talk about other things.

With my ex-h, the biggest fights we ever had were all about his mother. She was always in my face.

Rearranging my furniture.
Washing (and ruining some of) my clothes.
Painting my walls.
Changing my child's godparents. And the baptism date. And the church.
Cutting up the top layer of my wedding cake for brunch with her family the day after my wedding. Yes, she knew we were saving it for our first anniversary. It was already in the freezer.
Throwing jars of homemade stuff... saying canned goods aren't safe... and replacing them with her old margarine containers of craptastic tomato meat sauce in my freezer.

and so on... the worst fight was about her, all the stuff she did....and him saying she's my mom, I can't tell her to stop... it culminated in me telling him he chose his mom over his wife...and that his decision had broken our kids' family. I walked out, with my wallet, keys and the clothes on my back, and never went back.

Brick's picture

Who ate the fruit loops and

Who ate the fruit loops and didn't close the bag up. We almost divorced over it.

ESMOD's picture

You know, I don't remember

You know, I don't remember any huge knock down drag out type fights with my EX. I mean, I did occasionally give him a piece of my mind when he made irritating requests like 'you need to go pick up all the poop out of the horse pasture" (dude.. you are lucky I clean the house, mow the lawn and pay the bills... If YOU want the dirt cleaned.. you do it.)

Even when he cheated on me it wasn't a fight when I found out. I just said, fine, you clearly want a divorce so we will get one.

notasm3's picture

They were all about SS31. I

They were all about SS31. I used to spew words about how worthless and utterly disgusting SS was. All true.

Several years ago I changed my tactics. SS was just not allowed in my life. No reasons. No justification. Just a fact. I no longer needed to give reasons about how utterly worthless SS was.

Once SS turned 30, hooked up with a woman who had a job, home, and car and had a baby with her I gradually let him back in. Even having them over for dinner.

Big mistake - while DH and I were on a 2 week vacation they decided to use our home as theirs (no permission), ransacked the house and appropriated what they wanted.

DH and I did not have ANY arguments about this. As I told him just to keep them away from me. And he has not so much as uttered their names since. I could yell and scream at DH for having such a worthless POS crotch nugget - but DH is not the object of my rage. It's all on SS and the Babymamma. They can both eat s*** and die as far as I am concerned.

—

"Education is not the filling of a pail, but rather the lighting of a fire." William Butler Yeats

SacrificialLamb's picture

Every single one has been

Every single one has been about OSD. We have had disagreements, but no fights about anything else. This site saved my sanity. Also my self respect. I did not like the things that came out of my mouth when we had a fight about OSD. Some of them were U.G.L.Y. And that is precisely what OSD wanted. She's no longer in my family and I am not interested in being in hers.

secondplace's picture

When my new DH said something

When my new DH said something about "your f*cking daughter" during an argument. I lost it, there was some physical violence and a very long drawn out fight that had some witnesses to a portion of it. That was a week and a half after our wedding.

Now, we hardly ever fight and there hasn't been any physical stuff since either.

—

---------------------------------------------
Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today. -James Dean

"Why? Because fuck em. That's why" -GoodbyeNormaJean

Cocktail..Hour..Please's picture

The only fights we have is

The only fights we have is about his kid and his ex-wife.

—

smash a pineapple, smash some mint, boil some sugar in water, find some really good vodka, add some club soda....and there ya go. How to get thru step life.

pinkb's picture

Amen, sister... and money

Amen, sister... and money unruly spent on kid and thankfully suspended spending on ex-wife.

DanielleR's picture

When skids visited regularly

When skids visited regularly we had fights about skids and the crazy cow they dropped out of. Now that hard boundaries are established and BM preferred PAS over not being allowed to harass, we fight about other things. DH has hoarding tendencies so when I can't stand the clutter anymore I lose my shit. It is taking years but he has gotten rid of easily over half his stuff but his shit seems like it breeds and multiplies. Before him I didn't have one knick knack, almost zero clutter. The houses you see in pics a modern with almost no storage but absolutely no junk, no clutter- that was our house. Even with kids. In moves DH and there is crap everywhere constantly (despite constant cleaning and throwing away). I have tried to move out and just live in separate spaces so I don't have to deal with his clutter everywhere but DH throws a giant fit. He has no clue how much it grates on me and my mental well being. It's like having an OCD person live in a house with checkered floors but you intentionally flip the color on two of the tiles.

Cover1W's picture

With DH - biggest fight was

With DH - biggest fight was early last summer over my disengagement.
I dropped off doing ANYTHING to help them. ANYTHING for like three months.

SDs were really upset, DH was upset and mad and frustrated.

We had a really good yelling match (not screaming, no swearing) for a few minutes.
I think it was a small turning point for him...look at your stress DH and tell me it's because you must learn to parent. I'm not it.

He's still not great but he always asks me if I can help with something now before assuming if he can't do it, I will. He knows I will not take charge of cooking when we have SDs unless I tell him I'm going to cook "x" for dinner. He knows HE is responsible for the majority of SDs food supply. HE must monitor all electronic use (ha!), bathing, cleanliness (ha!ha!), etc. I will lock up my things if I need to. Lack of respect, of undermining, etc. were all laid out.

I have to remind him of things sometimes. He recently undermined me about something so trivial but it was like, "Really DH? She can't put a tissue into the trash right now even though I've instructed her to do so?"

—

****Just remember to breathe and have a glass of champagne every so often****

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Worst couple of fights in

Worst couple of fights in twenty-five years happened in the first few years after I disengaged. And it wasn't disengaging from OSD that caused the most friction. Nope, it was after I stepped back from the meddling in-laws. DH couldn't hide behind my skirts anymore, and was getting to experience all the glorious pressure and manipulation for himself. I refused to go back to being the doormat cruise director, and he resented that - a lot.

It's been 5+ years of relative peace now, but it took me being utterly ruthless to get my DH to accept my boundaries. I told him straight up that he needed to handle the bit$@y females in his family, that I was NEVER going back to the crazy way things used to be, that I would not be lying for him in any way going forward, and that if he didn't stand up for me I would blab his secret. (DH has chronic depression, but didn't want friends, family, or co-workers to know. For a long time I helped cover for him during bad spells, and I know his family perceived this as controlling and resented me for it.)

I'm usually pretty placid and had never spoken so cruelly to DH. But he was fine with his family scapegoating me for HIS actions and decisions, and I recognized that DH needed to fear my wrath more than theirs. My threats worked, but it's sad that I had to go so far just to carve out some healthy space.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

My current partner and I

My current partner and I don't really fight. The biggest issue we ever had was dealing with my depression which is long standing and part of a different diagnosis. I told him some stuff I had been feeling and some thoughts I had (would never act on). This was early in our relationship. He's still learning how to help me through mood swings and this time his response was the worst possible thing. He, and let me be clear, softly tapped my forehead in a scolding like way. It did not hurt and that was not his intent. He has NEVER harmed me nor threatened harm. My response back was to bite his lip a bit harder then I intended. We very clearly talked about it after.

He explained he had no clue how to respond but understood when I said his response made me not want to talk to him. I also apologized multiple times for the bite which did not cause harm but was not appropriate either.

He's still learning how to help me out but he is much more supportive now and is not afraid to tell me when he doesn't know what to do. How should he when I don't.

Like I said these are long standing (10+ years) issues I've had. I've learned how to handle them for the most part and if you've never been with someone with a mental illness there's a lot you have to learn. One of the worse things you can do is ever tell them they are wrong when they tell you what they are feeling. Many will shut down and not tell you stuff after that.

Along with having my own diagnosis I also work in the mental health field as a therapist of sorts so I know first hand and though watching others how important it is to seek help.

—

Some days are hard but you just fight through them to get to the good ones.

babybugged's picture

Every single big fight (I can

Every single big fight (I can think of less than five) has been about SD. 100%.

Since she is good, we don't really fight lately.

Oh we did have a night when we went to bed not talking because I wanted another child and he didn't. But we made up about that and I ended up getting pregnant and he was ok with it.

—

Babybugged

Diminished's picture

Common theme here fights

Common theme here fights regarding skids. Ours have been fights about SD, but they have stopped. Not because SD has changed her manipulative tactics and DH has stopped putting his head in the sand. No that hasn't changed. I changed the dance and disengaged. Funny how we get a long when she is out of the conversation, and out of my life. It really bothers my DH that I will not engage with her ( other than basic politeness) or talk about her. But that ship has sailed into calmer waters. Amen to this site and fabulous friends for giving me the strength to disengage.

—

People who choose special events to mark their territory love drama. Now you know to stay far away from their toxicity. ~ LadyFace

CLove's picture

Yes, you ARE so right!!! My

Yes, you ARE so right!!!

My arguments are basically down to zero with SO. When kids are with us, I basically let him do everything. He is the parent, he told me to back off. I finally did, after reading the advice on this site and wow - what a change! I actually made my relationship with the kids better too!

Although Munchkin still asks me for "help", and is puzzled when I back way off or tell her I cant I am busy or ask her father...

—

Hope is a 4 letter word.

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

Man oh man so so so so many

Man oh man so so so so many fights. When I read the text from BM to him complaining that he was always asking her to reconcile. The breakup when BM got married and he cried and cried and said he wanted his family back. The video diary I found of BM doing her hair in her new bedroom at her husbands house telling him about her day that he saved on the laptop I bought. The day I found all the selfies BM would send him saved on the iPhone I bought him. The day I got him sending selfies to BM. The day BM gave him a hair cut at her house and washed his hair. When I told him I was pregnant with Dd2 and he wanted me to abort and left me. He came back . The day before we were going to get married and he started to cry and shake uncontrollably saying he couldn't marry me. The breakup in the parking lot at Disney World cause they wanted to go to dinner without me and my daughters to the reservations I made but wanted me to pay for it . I could go on and on and on. We had a lot of horrible fights and would break up and get back together again. Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat

Diminished's picture

NoWire...This sounds so

NoWire...This sounds so painful. I don't know how you survived this. Are you still with him?

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People who choose special events to mark their territory love drama. Now you know to stay far away from their toxicity. ~ LadyFace

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

No

No

Diminished's picture

I was hoping that would be

I was hoping that would be your answer!! Good for you. What a nut job.

—

People who choose special events to mark their territory love drama. Now you know to stay far away from their toxicity. ~ LadyFace

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

So yesterday his daughter was

So yesterday his daughter was in the ICU. He asked me to visit and bring Dd2 and to bring food. So we are in the family room because there was no food allowed in SD's room and I say "I have been in this room before . When Dd9 was hospitalized for an entire week."
He said "I didn't
Come visit or bring you anything ?"

I said "no. No you didn't and I was seven months pregnant with Dd2 and I was here an entire week with a sick child and you didn't not one time come visit me or her or bring me anything .
AND while I was in meeting with the MRI people the bank called and asked me if I was in a massive spending spree at a Home Depot in Celebration Florida . Someone wiped out my bank account. I evtually got in back but I had a negative balance and no money for her prescriptions that I had to get from there hospital pharmacy or food for the cafeteria or parking ! 7 months pregnant and my child was seriously ill
And he brought me nothing and did not visit. My mom ended up giving me a $100 until I got get to the bank and sign the fraud paperwork . He felt ashamed . I could tell . But he should have

SacrificialLamb's picture

I was wondering the same

I was wondering the same thing. The guy has a BM obsession and you're no longer together. To me, that means goodbye.

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

We have a child together.

We have a child together.

sunshinex's picture

Our worst fight was about 2

Our worst fight was about 2 or so years ago, long before we were married and had a lot of the whole steplife thing worked out. He was fairly depressed and kind of in his own world. He didn't have much money at the time, but we lived together, and he couldn't afford a sitter despite clearly needing one because he had no family that would help out and he worked opposite hours as me. So he always just left for work and left me with SD, who was 3 at the time... I started going crazy. I remember begging and crying and telling him he really, really needed to get a sitter worked out somehow because I really hated watching her. I worked full-time, than got off work and had to baby-sit full-time - it was like having 2 jobs back to back and never getting a break or relax time.

After telling him multiple times how tired I was of watching her, I felt myself start to resent her and that's when I really lost it. I realized it was his fault I was resenting a 3 year old girl and in all honestly, I know she could probably feel it. Day after day I was left with her and I'd just give her food, put her in the bath, etc. going through the motions miserable. One night when he got home from work at like 2 am, I just LOST it and screamed at him about what a piece of shit parent he is, how dare he leave his kid with someone who doesn't even want to be near her, how he must not care about her in the slightest, etc.

That fight ended with me screaming something like "you're $#$# ugly and i hate you" lol.... so obviously a LOT of anger boiled up over the course of a few months of being forced to watch a 3 year old EVERY moment I was off work. Eventually he snapped out of his depression and realized what he was doing to me/our "stepfamily" and found a better job to pay for a sitter. He stopped expecting anything of me, and I can finally say 2 years later I love my stepdaughter and have no resentment anymore... because everything I do, I do it on my terms. We rarely fight about her anymore.

Acratopotes's picture

Neither of us likes

Neither of us likes fighting...... I simply ignore and walk away but after 13 years I don't know if I can do it anymore... I feel a huge burst coming and it will be over the past 13 years...

Yes I bottle up and when I explode it's not pretty...

—

Blended family life turned me into a pirate....
All I want to do is drink Rum and stab people

Monchichi's picture

The worst fight my husband

The worst fight my husband and I have ever had was over my SS and MIL. It almost ended us. There was screaming, insults, mug throwing at a wall (not by me) and some rather unforgivable things said.

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RUBM - rusty uterus birth mother