renewal 11-11's picture

SD and her LIES!

About a month ago my DH saw his daughter. He relayed to me something that SD told him. I haven't blogged about it because I needed to see how this would play out. Could she be telling the truth or could she be using her manipulative ways again. Anyway he was so upset and I could tell it had been bothering him for weeks. She told him she had a lump on her breast. I asked him if they found it on her mammogram. He said no. I asked if the doctor found it at an exam. He said no. Right there I thought she was saying this so he would be worried and call her to see how she was doing all the time. But I said she needs to have a mammogram and go from there. Well he was not himself for about 3 weeks. He seemed to always be worried about her and I really didn't say anything because I really did not know what the truth was. So yesterday we were out with friends and we starting talking about a friend who had her breast removed. So I asked DH if SD had her mammogram. He said she had it last week and the lump was gone. Which was a good to hear because I surely did not want this to be true. But I think she lied to him about the whole thing. She has done stuff like this before because she wants and needs attention. She tells him these lies and he falls for them every time. So I called my DH sister who is very close to SD and asked if she knew about this. She said no and SD never mentioned a thing to her about this. My SIL is a really busy body. So she said that she would call SD to see how she is doing and ask about her having a mammogram. She called me this morning and left a voice mail she talked to SD and SD told her she has never had a mammogram before because she is only 32. This is such a huge lie and I just get so sick of this sh1t. She is never going to quit using my husbands emotions. I kept thinking if she did have lump she should have told him after she had a mammogram and knew more. I felt in

my gut she was lying but kept my mouth shut. Not sure if I am going to tell DH about SIL voice mail or wait till I see SD and tell her I know she lied.


Acratopotes's picture

I would wait till I see SD

Jawdropping!

I would wait till I see SD and I will confront her, I will ask her if she thinks it's cool to talk shit and give your Dad a cancer scare while you did not go for a mammogram or even to the doctors....

Maybe you should work it from another angle, educate DH on breasts and lumps and the route to follow - It hink SD might pull this again and at least DH will be able to tell her what to do etc...

Blended family life turned me into a pirate....
All I want to do is drink Rum and stab people

renewal 11-11's picture

Acra I am going to not tell

Acra I am going to not tell DH about the voice mail his sister left. I will talk face to face about this next time I see SD. It may not be soon but I will let her know what I think. I will have calmed down by then.

SacrificialLamb's picture

Good idea to wait until you

Good idea to wait until you calm down. Be prepared for her to make an excuse, turn into a victim and then whine to daddy. And if he is like my dh, he will still feel sorry for her because she definitely has a problem, even if it's just mental.

Diminished's picture

Total yes. They will feel

Total yes. They will feel somehow guilty that little precious is mentally unstable. That will mean she just needs more attention....and the dysfunctional cycle continues.

"Never underestimate the recipe of Millennial and Stepdaughter...special princess on the outside, plotting wolverine on the inside" -StepAside

"He has the right to see the kids. You have a right to peace"(topic Disengagement) -SacrificialLamb

ItsGrowingOld's picture

If it were me, I would tell

If it were me, I would tell DH he may want to call his sister about SD's mammogram. Let him hear it someone else he trusts. I would stay completely out of it.

"I would rather live a short happy life than a long life in a miserable way." Author unknown

hereiam's picture

That is a horrible, horrible

That is a horrible, horrible thing to lie about.

SacrificialLamb's picture

It definitely is a horrible

It definitely is a horrible thing to lie about. My YSD (who I like more than OSD) DID have breast cancer. She lost both breasts, went through chemo and radiation, and then reconstructive surgery. Fortunately all looks ok at the moment.

But my OSD sounds like your SD. She freaked out when YSD was diagnosed because she was no longer in the spotlight. For years she always had something wrong to get DH's attention, especially when we were about to go on vacation. Well, she couldn't trump cancer.

renewal 11-11's picture

This is horrible. But to a

This is horrible. But to a person like her, no biggy. I am glad your SD is doing well.

advice.only's picture

I worked with a chick who

I worked with a chick who pulled the "I have breast cancer" stunt on the whole office. She went around and told everybody she had breast cancer, she took some time off, came back super skinny and claimed her chemo had worked and she was in remission. Turns out she had actually gone off because she and her new boy-toy were getting high all the time and she wanted an excuse to explain away her drastic weight loss. She and the boy-toy got arrested and it was in the local paper.

Call me Chardonay

Aniki's picture

That sickens me. My sister,

That sickens me. My sister, who is my BFF, had a DOUBLE MASTECTOMY. People who lie about cancer are freaking mental. Facking beeyotch.

"I feel like I'm reading food erotica. Fifty Shades of Aniki's Wine and Dinner." ~Gimlet

"When Echo met her hot hunky husband, shce was immdiately dickmatized." ~WOB

renewal 11-11's picture

She is a facking beeyotch. I

She is a facking beeyotch. I have nothing and I mean nothing in common with her. I just married her Daddy.

Diminished's picture

Renewal this is unbelievable.

Renewal this is unbelievable. I would be so bothered by this. I cannot imagine the worry your DH went through. You have to be one sick attention craving puppy to lie about a disease that is every womens nightmare. You have way more control than I would have, by waiting to bring this up. If your DH does not wise up to her manipulative tactics from this, nothing will.
So sorry that you live this. Its an exhausting stressful journey with these SD's.

"Never underestimate the recipe of Millennial and Stepdaughter...special princess on the outside, plotting wolverine on the inside" -StepAside

"He has the right to see the kids. You have a right to peace"(topic Disengagement) -SacrificialLamb

renewal 11-11's picture

Yeah she really played him

Yeah she really played him this time along with many others. He was worried sick. It was hard to keep quiet but I had this gut feeling she was lying again. And I told him to tell me after she had the mammogram. He did not tell me when she said the lump was gone. I had to ask. That right there told me she was lying because he knows me well enough that I would think she was lying again. She never stops her manipulation. It is who she is. Sad

Anonymama's picture

To lie about cancer to elicit

To lie about cancer to elicit sympathy is absolutely disgusting. My grandfather wasted away from cancer. I'd have a hard time not slugging OP's SD for such a disgraceful and selfish act. Sad

DanielleR's picture

The BM here tells everyone

The BM here tells everyone she went for cancer treatments every time she has an inpatient hospital stay at the psych hospital. She called DH years ago trying to have a shoulder to cry on cause she tried the whole lump in the breast thing too. DH laughed and said well, maybe you telling everyone you had breast cancer won't be a lie now.

Rags's picture

TELL HIM!! He needs the full

TELL HIM!! He needs the full facts regarding his lying POS manipulative spawn. Without the facts... she keeps playing him. With the facts, he may get back in touch with his balls and confront her bullshit.

A parent is an example, mentor, confidante, advocate and disciplinarian, not a buddy.-Rags
If you can't listen and learn then you will have to feel.-WLR
If you want to be a part of my life then use your head or STFU and do what you are told.-Rags

granny goose's picture

My beloved sister has

My beloved sister has suffered 2 mastectomies and stomach cancer; was in remission for 10 years and is now dying from cancer in her bones. It's metastasized throughout her body.

She's in terrible pain now, the kind of pain that drugs cannot reach. If anyone lied to me about an imaginary cancer, for the sole purpose of attention-grabbing, I swear that I would slap them to sleep. (As my sainted Nana used to say.)

Renewal, your SD is despicable. Please tell her that from me.

Aniki's picture

Granny, my heart aches for

Granny, my heart aches for you and your sis. I'm so sorry!! Sad

Smack your SD for me, as well. My sister was diagnosed with endometrial cancer, had the surgery, and was diagnosed with breast cancer a few weeks later. Double whammy.

"I feel like I'm reading food erotica. Fifty Shades of Aniki's Wine and Dinner." ~Gimlet

"When Echo met her hot hunky husband, shce was immdiately dickmatized." ~WOB

Diminished's picture

My heart aches for anyone

My heart aches for anyone touched by this terrible disease, and family and friends who have to deal with this pain.
Renewal slap your SD from me as well.

"Never underestimate the recipe of Millennial and Stepdaughter...special princess on the outside, plotting wolverine on the inside" -StepAside

"He has the right to see the kids. You have a right to peace"(topic Disengagement) -SacrificialLamb

Aniki's picture

Let's line up the slappers.

Let's line up the slappers. I'd prefer to do it myself.

An exbf of mine told me he had pancreatic cancer. This was a few months after we split up and I believe he was trying to get out of paying the rest of the money he owed me.

Anyhoo, I felt awful for him and, knowing how hard/long his mother worked, texted her and said if she needed any help, to let me know. Next thing I know, my phone is ringing and it's her. I answered, figuring she was calling to ask if I could help take him to treatments. Nope. She was calling to ask what I meant. I said, "Why, about exbf's cancer. If you cannot drive him to appointments, I'll do my best to help you out." (I liked his mom!)

She replied, "Thanks, I'll let you know" in a very strange voice. A couple hours later she called back to tell me the arsehole made it up. She was absolutely INCENSED because her sister had passed away 2 years before from cancer that had spread through her entire body.

People who play this sick game are the lowest scum.

"I feel like I'm reading food erotica. Fifty Shades of Aniki's Wine and Dinner." ~Gimlet

"When Echo met her hot hunky husband, shce was immdiately dickmatized." ~WOB

renewal 11-11's picture

Oh Granny I thought about you

Oh Granny I thought about you and your sister when I posted this. I am so sorry for all that your sister has gone through. When I do have my face to face talk with her I will use that word despicable and let her know about how their are real people that do have cancer. Hugs to you Granny!

wineisthecure's picture

I lost my mother and a friend

I lost my mother and a friend to cancer and practically everyone I know has lost someone to cancer. What a horrible, horrible, thing to do to her own father.

What is so wrong about offering skids shiny red apples?

Daddy's wife's picture

My SD41 does this all the

My SD41 does this all the time. about 3 years ago on boxing day, 11 pm she sent me a text saying she needs to speak to her dad. I tell her he is asleep, hope she is ok etc etc. She answered no she is not, she has to speak to her dad. After some text back and too she tells me she thinks she has tyroid cancer and she will have tests in 2 weeks time. Now, we know this girl and we know she lies a lot. My dh didnt believe it at all, but Im always worried that maybe this time she isnt lying.
I asked her though since when do they expect she has tyroid cancer. She said it was 2 weeks. So why if you have worried about this for 2 weeks, do you wait for christmas time to tell us?
Anyway, we dont live close, so i keep informing her by text how she is doing, when is the scan taking olace etc etc. And i never get an answer.
Now on the 22nd of december 2016 she send me another text saying she might have breast cancer. Stupid me, I texted this to someone else saying: i wondered what the problem would be this christmas. And by mistake sent it to her. I felt my heart dropp, i couldnt believe how stupid i was. She anwered: nice.
I told her I was sorry but I just cant believe her anymore after all the illnesses etc. Because there have been so many more. She will tell me about a health scare, tell me not to tell her brother to not worry him, and then keeps quiet for several months where i cant reach her, or she just ignore questions. And then we never hear of her again.
I told dh how stupid i had been and he said: o well, kts her own fault for always crying wolve. It accomplished one thing though, Ive not spoken to her since and we have had a drama free couple of months.

Rags's picture

If is it is full of shit...

If is it is full of shit... it is a toilet. Flush it! Send her down the vortex of doom for shit where she belongs.

A parent is an example, mentor, confidante, advocate and disciplinarian, not a buddy.-Rags
If you can't listen and learn then you will have to feel.-WLR
If you want to be a part of my life then use your head or STFU and do what you are told.-Rags

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Save that vm from your SIL.

Save that vm from your SIL. It might come in handy some day.

My YSD is mental and a pathological liar, and living around her changed me. To see someone victimize loved ones that way is emotionally draining and affects one's ability to trust, so I now have zero tolerance for lying. YSD also claimed to have breast cancer, as well as lupus. The dumbass said this to my SIL, who actually does have lupus. Can you imagine? YSD had even googled the name of a local rheumatologist to add veracity to her story, but it unraveled because that was SIL's doctor and she confirmed that YSD was not a patient.

The only approach that seemed to work was to address each lie as it came out of YSD's mouth, but if you do that you must be careful not to be perceived as persecuting her. If/ when the issue comes up and your DH is there, try assuming the victim role and point out how worried you were by your SD's claims, how hurt and troubled you are by this behaviour, etc etc.

It's been over a decade since DH and I stepped back from YSD. She cut a swath of destruction through her twenties and burnt a lot of bridges with her lying. She's hurt a lot of people, and although DH's family include her for get togethers, everyone keeps her at a distance.

still learning's picture

Let her father hear the

Let her father hear the voicemail, he has every right to know that his daughter is playing his emotions. It will be even better that it is coming from SIL instead of you. If he hears it then HE can be the one to confront HIS daughter.

You may be surprised at his reaction, SD getting caught in a blatant lie about something so serious just may help DH be more objective in his relationship w/her. SIL knows, you know, and DH should know. Then the next time she makes some phantom illness up he may think twice about it.

Just point DH to the voicemail from his SIL and stay out of the middle of SD's drama. If you confront her you're the agressor, if DH does it then he's just Dad doing what he should have done a long time ago.

And now I'll do what's best for me.

sandye21's picture

^^^THIS^^^ My Sister died

^^^THIS^^^ My Sister died two years ago after battling cancer for 4 years. What your SD did is an insult to survivors and those who have passed. Let DH listen to the voicemail. He probably knows something isn't quite right already. It's really sad because DH never knows if it is real or not. Wish I had some good suggestions. It's a no-win situation.

babybugged's picture

If I were you, I wouldn't

If I were you, I wouldn't even confront her or tell DH. That just gives her more attention, even if it is the negative kind.

Dont feed the Drama Llama.

Babybugged

sammigirl's picture

Granny: I am so sorry, it is

Granny: I am so sorry, it is beyond understanding the endurance and pain. Prayers for your sister and all of your family. Tears come thinking about this horrible cancer.

Renewal: I would leave this to DH and SD. If you say something, then down the road SS does have cancer or other medical drama, it will come back to haunt you. You believe she is lying, and have every reason for your belief.

Our SIL's father was always complaining about back, headaches, on and on for several years; several family members, including SD (SIL's DW) said cruel things about SIL's father being a hypochondriac, every time we had a family gathering. SIL's father died in his young age of 55, of a cancerous brain tumor, which was not diagnosed for years and had grown beyond surgery. Thank goodness I never said one derogatory word about this man; he was a very kind person.

I'm not saying that your SD is kind; believe me I understand your frustration, because she had obviously lied before to get attention.

When it comes to health issues I am very careful about joining in on these issues; I WILL address my SD58 with most all issues, but I will walk away when she starts with her health. I do know there are attention getters and they will do anything to gain attention, therefore, I suggest you be very careful.

Good Luck