What should we ask for
I'm calling the lawyer today to set up an appointment to finally get the CS changed and get custody of SS changed to DH. He has a really shitty CO that has given BM full control and but zero responsibly for seven years. I'm trying to think of some things we need to have changed.
Currently, he does all transportation. Since we got SS full time she (her husband) has been bringing SS back home but we are still dropping him off at BM and doing all transportation for SD. Also, if you remember my other blogs, DH pays CS AND we pay for everything else. All clothes, shoes, toothbrushes ,shampoo, etc for both houses. So, below are my ideas...Anything we have no chance in hell of getting or anything I should add.....Also, I told DH if BM doesn't sign the new CO without us having to pay extra to go in front of a judge, we may as well try to get SD full time as well. If BM and stepdad do end up divorced, SD will be home alone almost all the time. BM works nights in a bar and doesn't get home most times until 3am.
DH has SS full time with every other weekend visits to BM. BM has SD full time with every other weekend visit to DH…Kids will be together every weekend.
DH provides all transportation for DH’s weekend and BM provides all transportation for her weekend.
Pick up no later than 6pm Friday and drop off no later than 6pm Sunday.
DH will provide all clothing, shoes, and school supplies for child living with him and BM will provide the same for the child living with her.
Holidays will remain rotating with DH having odd years and BM having even years.
Parents will each get on week for Christmas Break.
Parents will split spring break.
Parents will rotate one week on one week off during summer break. Alternating drop offs.
Each parent will claim the child living with them on that years taxes.
Child support will drop to $0 with neither parent paying the other maintenance and DH will hold Health Insurance…Or Dad will continue to pay mother a small amount of Child Support and each parent will have health insurance for the child under their care. Not really sure about this one????
So that's what I've thought of so far. BM thinks the only thing that will change is custody will go to DH and CS will be cut in half. I think half is ridiculous. That means we are still paying BM for SD but BM is providing nothing for SS.
Thoughts??
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Consider how bills for
Consider how bills for healthcare will be handled. split 50-50?
Birthdays and other holidays.. the specific days. Maybe like both kids are one place for Thanksgiving and the other place for Christmas day and they flip each year?
Costs for extracurricular activities?
ROFR? do you even want that?
They are 11 and 13, maybe to
They are 11 and 13, maybe to old for ROFR. BM refusing to provide ANYTHING for extras, so the child living with her will get nothing. We just can't provide that much transportation with the hrs we work.
BM has never gotten either kid a birthday cake or had a party. We usually just do it when we have them closet to their actual birthday..
Healthcare is the sticking point. BM had free state health care and refused to take the kids. Too lazy. So we did it and paid cash. She now has stepdads healthcare and we still take them and pay cash. She says that DH has to provide health care and that is why she won't let DH have the insurance cards to take them. But the CO says he will pay medical expenses. To us, that is different than providing health care...Either way we have been the only ones taking them to appointments and paying cash.
Is she financially unable or
Is she financially unable or just unwilling to kick in for the things like extra curriculars and medical?
Ideally it would be equitable if things like health insurance, healthcare and extra curriculars would be split evenly for the kids.
Honestly, I don't understand why you can't use the stepfather's insurance benefits. It actually is likely to be a benefit to him if you do so because deductibles and out of pocket maximums would be reached more quickly. Now, it would be fair if he wanted to be reimbursed for the portion of the insurance premium he pays in excess of just his and his wife's cost or have that be offsetting some other thing that his wife wouldn't then have to pay.
My Skids were on my plan for work and BM had an insurance card and could take them without us knowing. My MIL also had a card in case she needed it when the girls were with her.
Apparently BM and stepdad are
Apparently BM and stepdad are separated and getting a divorce. They have gone through this before so I'm not sure if it will actually happen this time.
We want the kids under my health care because it's half the price of stepdads, DH will also be covered and we are the only ones that actually take them to the dr anyway.
She is unwilling. If it doesn't involve that bar she works at, she doesn't care about it. Her husband even told my DH that he was having problems with her because of that bar.
Why is it that the SMs seem
Why is it that the SMs seem to do all the legal footwork? Why isn't your DH calling the lawyer and doing the research? It's the same here. I just wonder why DH's just roll over and let the SMS do their legal battles for them.
Probably because if it was up
Probably because if it was up to him, he won't do it or he would give BM everything she wants instead of trying to fight for some fairness.
We are like legal
We are like legal secretaries.
He made a joke the other day
He made a joke the other day about me having his balls. I said, Nope that would be BM. He didn't laugh.
Don't forget the little
Don't forget the little things like Phone call schedules or rules for cellphones in the household; I think for transportation you should put the receiving parent is responsible for pick up each week. So if it's your DH's time he picks up skid; if it's BMs time she picks up skid. It keeps everyone prompt. Costs for ECs and non-emergency medical/dental bills such as braces. Don't forget to have a plan for phone bill, car insurance and car notes. You might want to include something about college whether you want to pay some or you don't want to be responsible for any at all. Some people split first year of college three ways-kid, BM, BD. Keep anything or add something about reimbursement and receipts needed with a time frame. Always remember Federal holidays so if your SO doesn't work on a Monday holiday ask for that day to be tacked on to holiday rotation schedule for us it would be giving BM three day weekends but it's fair if she's off work and DH isn't.
That's all I got for now.
SD has a phone that we pay
SD has a phone that we pay for already. It was a battle for a few years, but BM and stepdad now find it convenient for they have allowed it. Good idea about medical cost like braces. SD does need them. Neither one of them can afford to pay for college at this point. Also, I doubt either kid would go. But we can bring this up to the lawyer.
Thanks
2 skids.... living in
2 skids.... living in different houses...
What about asking for.... Dh is responsible for the child living with him, for everything, BM is responsible for the child living with her, for everything. Visitation, drop off and pick up is right in the middle of the 2 houses, thus both parents have to drive, make it the nearest police station just in case,
During holidays, which should be 50/50 time, each parent will pay for what ever the child may need in terms of food and entertainment, going out.
Fine print at the end..... if one parent should decide that the child with him/her has to move to the other parent, the childless parent will pay CS to the amount of XXXX from the day the child moves out....