Teen and Tween Sleeping Co-sleeping with Mother
Has anyone ever experienced this? We just found out that my two SDs sleep with their BM every night they are with her and no longer sleep in their own rooms. This cannot be healthy! How do we gently encourage them to stop and return to their rooms?
Call CPS to investigate.
Call CPS to investigate. This is inappropriate. My assumption is that BM does not live in a 3rd world country in a small mud hut with a large extended family where this is the cultural norm.
It's an every night
It's an every night occurrence, not TV related. The mother seems to require it.
Right, no, it's a four
Right, no, it's a four bedroom house. She was supposed to be investigated by family services last year for hitting one of the kids but they haven't gotten around to doing that.
Wow. Rude. Maybe she did get
Wow. Rude. Maybe she did get investigated and I just don't know it. How would I know?
Um...investigations aren't
Um...investigations aren't always done immediately after a call. Time of investigations also depends on 1) the number currently being investigated, and 2) the call might have been considered worthy of investigating.
Hitting would be
Hitting would be investigated. But CPS does not necessarily run out there 2 minutes after a call. I know people who have called CPS for things that are nitpicky and ridiculous and are a waste of CPS time. "The kid had a rip in his jeans and it was 20 degrees."
Maybe not. It's only April. I
Maybe not. It's only April. I once called CPS and it took them 9 MONTHS to investigate.
However, I don't know how one knows IF or WHEN CPS investigated because I am fairly certain they do not contact the person who reported. Especially those that are reported anonymously.
ETA: I knew it took 9 months because the BM pitched a major hissy fit to my exBF when they did.
Anotherstep, I have seen
Anotherstep, I have seen strangers threaten moms for giving a toddler a smack on the diaper (y'know, the sound is the key because the smack isn't hard). SMH
This is the 102 day of 2017.
This is the 102 day of 2017. There is a good possibility the case has not yet been investigated.
Garbage! The GUBM in our
Garbage! The GUBM in our case IS a CPS supervisor, yet fully enmeshed and a BFF, inappropriately to her own teen children. She is not a real parent and treats the skids as mini spouses even though she is remarried (to a silent, walking ATM--just how these types like their men).
The CPS and DFCSs are FILLED TO THE BRIM with these women who use their job as a tool to further persecute NCP bioDADS on their parenting time at the beheast of the GUBM, yet letting CP BMs off the hook no matter how bad due to their "kinship" with such women.
Hi Blended. My SD11 used to
Hi Blended.
My SD11 used to sleep with BM, because BM did not have boyfriend and was lonely. Then boyfriend came along and she would sleep on couch bed with BM, during her visitations. SO got both Skids their own beds for BM's apartment, but since Winona SD18 did not share the room well, the little Munchkin had to sleep on the couch, and they got rid of her bed.
I always thought it was weird, for an older kid. My mom used to let me sleep with her, but after boyfriend I was kicked to the curb! And So - when Munchkin was 6, I think sometimes (before me of course), he would let her sleep in the bed, but shes happy as a clam with her own bed (I asked how she felt about it).
Upshot is that unless something funky is going on, you do not have control over what happens at the other home. Typically it would be cause for alarm with opposite sex bed-sharing...
Thank you CLove. I know I
Thank you CLove. I know I don't have control, but I'd like the kids to know they have a choice and that they should be able to return to their rooms if they wish.
Curious as to why they would
Curious as to why they would not know that they have a choice?
The only way you can maneuver this (in my experience) is to use generalities, use what is known as the "passive voice". If you have skids that will tell BM what you have said, and get you into trouble (this happens to me with Eldest Sd, she twists things...) then you have to be more "roundabout".
But reading other posts, if this is a volatile BM, the kids may not know what to do, and when they are on their own, feel like they have no control. So encouraging them to be independent might be the way to go.
The kids told us. Don't you
The kids told us. Don't you think it fosters dependency, though? She's leaning on the kids to fill a hole in her life in ways that are not appropriate.
Do a little research. There
Do a little research. There are many negatives to co-sleeping with older children. They can suffer from fatigue, low energy, less self-reliance and those are the things I found on the first link.
I have done some research and
I have done some research and that's what caused my alarm. I think making sure the kids feel independent and confident at our house may help them deal with this on their own.
It is not healthy teens to be
It is not healthy teens to be sharing a bed with each other and their parent every night. PERIOD. No matter what you and granny did.
Agreed. Kids each have a
Agreed. Kids each have a therapist and I suggested their dad let each of the professionals know about the sleeping arrangements.
People from other countries
People from other countries that sleep together usually stay together in some form or fashion with their family or their husbands families for their entire lives. They usually sleep together because they don't have enough money to have a large home that provides enough room for them to sleep apart OR it is cold and they sleep together to keep warm. They also usually don't go far from home and tend to work together to maintain one household.
^^^^ NINJI NAILED IT
^^^^ NINJI NAILED IT ^^^^^^
It is not healthy to allow a teen child to fill an adult role. I have a friend that allowed their child to sleep with them his entire life, as of last year they got their 16 YO (yes, 16 YO) son out of their bed but now he is scared to sleep in his room because his WHOLE life he slept with his mommmmmeeeyyy and dddaaaddeee. They now have a twin bed in their room that he sleeps in while he gets "acclimated". Oh and he has to go to therapy because spending the night at a friends house is too much for him and he has panic attacks. My friend got super pissed when I asked how she figures out if it is her husbands or kids boner on her back when she wakes up; 16 YEARS OLD.
Every night. For months.
Every night. For months.
...and here I still
...and here I still occasionally take a nap with my mom when I visit her with my kids between us.
Two of my closest friends slept in the same bed as their moms until they moved out in their 20's. When they go back to visit they share a bed.
We're all Asian though, so culture most likely has to do with it. None of us think it's weird and all of us are successful in our private and financial lives. Two of us are married, one has a long term live in BF. I'm a landlord, one's a corporate lawyer, and the other is the manager of an advertising team.
HOWEVER, I think we have to remember that while it is normal for myself and my friends because everyone grew up in that environment where it's viewed as normal, when people whose cultures DON'T promote this do it, it often has to do with a emotional issue on the part of the parent which is why they're going against their norm.
I completely agree. I woke up
I completely agree.
I woke up this morning to all three of my kids in bed with me. And one of them *GASP* is a boy! I am my children's safe harbor and if they have a scary dream or are lonely, they come to me to feel more secure. I don't encourage it or discourage it and I sincerely doubt I am abusing them or setting them up for failure.
SD8 still sleeps with BM
SD8 still sleeps with BM every night. unless BM is out partying, then SD sleeps with her GRANDMA. Way creepier if you ask me.
How do I know? SD is a chatter box and talks about it as if it's normal. It was hell getting her to sleep in her own bed here, but through firm consistency, we got it.
Whenever BM has a BF, SD will come home saying that if she sleeps in her bed, BM will her her *ridiculous gift*. Obviously it never works.
I don't believe cosleeping is unhealthy in every situation, but in SDs situation? Definitely. She is unable to function without BM. She couldn't even wipe her own butt until 6. Why? Because Mommy always did it. When DH told her to wipe herself, SD looked shocked at the idea and threw an actual fit over it.
I imagine if BM ever gets married, the cosleeping will stop (unless she marries a complete tool). Otherwise...Who knows.
* I'm not saying that cosleeping created these problems, but it's definitely apart of the issue.
I had night terrors and sleep
I had night terrors and sleep paralysis.
I slept with my Mom well into my late teens. Not every night but whenever I had a nightmare I couldn't fall back asleep by myself.
Stop worrying about what's happening at BMs, it's none of your business.
I will never forget what I
I will never forget what I recalled hearing from a Supervisor at CPS. This Mothers odd behavior actually worse than yours. The supervisor flat out told me the following.
'CPS only investigates if MOM is sexually aroused"
My mouth fell on the floor.
My reply was, 'would you have answered in the same way IF I told you a dad did this to his daughter"....
she did not answer me....(you know that awkward silence) SHE sat there what seemed like eternity not saying a single word...
So I could not stand the silence and this fell out of my mouth to her:
How would you know that Madame that Mother was sexually aroused...Her reply was: There is nothing we can do.
I WAS FLOORED
True story. I will never forget that one. Amongst other messed up stuff that kept going on.
Do nothing about it.
Do nothing about it.
When my hubby is out of town,
When my hubby is out of town, my DD19 and GD7 sleep in my room with me. Like a girls camp-out or something. I'm sure you have better things to concern yourself with.