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I want to break free

confused1807's picture

Hey all,

I posted in january of this year, "Does anybody else, feel like they have made a mistake' If you read it ( I am not expecting anyone to remember) all the crap that I was going through with my husband, his kids, exes and Mother in law.

As predicted, I literally cannot take anymore. Stepdaughter 11 is becoming more jealous and sinister and SS 8 the same. DH has a kid that lives in another country , who's Bm is slowly poisoning against me and I I cannot deal with the situation anymore. It's dragging me down so much that's I am loosing myself. We have only been married for a few months and this is just not fun. Surely, there has got to be more to life then feeling like you have to compete with spoilt skids and two BMs. Thy sounds pathetic, but thy is how I feel. I am exhausted. Completely shattered from all of this. Although the I love my DH dearly, I feel like love is not worth all of this hassle. I am t the age where I would like to have another child, but I cannot add a newborn baby into the mix of such a complicated and crazy situation. That makes me so angry . I am so happy for friends and relatives that fall pregnant, but a part of me inside is deeply saddened also. I do not want to start to become bitter. I don't think that I mentioned this in a previous post, but I had an abortion a few years back and I cannot get over the way my DH treated me. He was so cold and was adamant that he did not want the child, as he feared that he would be making another mistake and that it was the road to ruin. What makes me so angry is that the child that he has with the woman who lives abroad was planned and he tells me that he didn't even want to be with her and he wasn't sure he wanted another kid, but she kept hounding him until he gave in and they didn't even live together. Yet we were living together and engaged. It makes me so sad and I am still heartbroken after it all and apparently I am the one he truely loves. It doesn't make sense. I feel like he gave in to the two previous BMs every request and now with me he has put his foot down. Not it's all about him.
Am I being selfish?
I feel like I have been naievely sleep walking and now I have just woken up.

I get so down, knowing that I stupidity married a man , who's situation was not right for me. I feel like a complete idiot. I need to get out. I know I do. I just don't know how. I have no money and I lost my job . Please advise

Acratopotes's picture

oh dear.... you've lost your job and have no money?

Hon, do you have parents or family that can be your safety net..... and find a job, start waitress, washing dishes in a restaurant, anything that can bring you a bit of money in...

you are young, you made a mistake, now only you can rectify it by moving on, you took the firts step by admitting you made a mistake, now fix it

confused1807's picture

Thank you. I have a few interviews lined up, so fingers crossed.

My parents don't have the room to accommodate me and my son, unfortunately and most of my friends all have families and don't have the room. My two best friends have also just recently come out of relationships and are staying at their family's, it's not really an option at the moment.

If I don't fix this I will be subjected to a life of misery and only I can change that x

Acratopotes's picture

while waiting for the interviews.... find something to do....

look around for a room to rent or what ever, you and your son can share for the time being, if there's a will to move out you will find a way .....

confused1807's picture

I really like this. I have my journal with me right now and I am jotting all this down. It really helps.

It's so true. I need a strategy. Once I have a job, it will be easier. I will start to gain independence again, I will save enough for a place to rent, plus extra for rainy days. I don't think I will announce my exit until I have secured all of that. I will just have to play along I suppose , until then. But at least I know I am working towards something x

CLove's picture

Wow, you sound like you have really hit the rock bottom of things. Well, as they say, once you hit the bottom, the only way to go is UP.

Some great solid advice here - another place to start is inside - think in a positive way. Think about all the ways you want your life to change, be consumed by it. Love yourself. Love yourself and take care of yourself. Block out all that negativity your experiencing. It really does help.

kidsaplenty's picture

Yes, move out and work just a meager job if need be to get by. Any man who would strongarm you into an abortion does not love you. Start over.

confused1807's picture

Thank you everyone for your comments and advice it is extremely helpful.

It is good to know that I have options and that there are steps for me. Steps that I need to take .

It's scarey! Wish me luck xx