New born and step kids

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Im pretty much done with the father of my child, he is 3 months old.

It's a long story but
1. He preferred his son over me
2. He never made me participant or cared about my plans when we kept son in BM days (very often).
3. He clearly does more for SS than for baby. (Claims he assumes baby is well taken care of by me, so thats why he focus on the other)
4. He wanted me to have responsability for his son but no respect for me.
5. Can't remember when was the last time we both have alone time.

But I wanted to know, would you find it normal to have some time off StepKid when you bring home a newborn (as a fist time mum) is it reasonable?

Is it normal to have a 'common life' and a 'separate life' from SKids ( is it reasonable to just go with Bio Son for holidays from time to time?)

Would a BioDad accept to leave StepKid when visiting grandparent of BioKid ?

What would be reasonable and what would not?

My ex partner didnt like the fact that I would deliver my son in my home town (my whole famiy is there and its far from our back then property ) and he had to leave son behind.
** I just want a fucking moment for myself, it was my fucking day, delivering my first baby, I want to be 100% happy and that means no StepKid.

What are your thoughts?

Please go talk to your Dr,

Please go talk to your Dr, you might be suffering from postpartum depression.

I'm not saying your feelings aren't valid but please make sure that you're not over reacting because your hormones are off.

If the baby is 3 months old,

If the baby is 3 months old, you should have had your alone time already. Like echo said, the first few days is fine, but it's been 3 months, and it's time to be welcoming to your child's siblings - because that's who your stepkids are. I'm 12 weeks pregnant and my stepkid is so excited I can't imagine removing her or making her feel left out of the situation. She's my child's family. Sure, I'll have a few days of alone time and my parenting efforts will be primarily on the newborn, but she gets to be loved and treated properly too.

Your DH was an idiot up to

Your DH was an idiot up to the point where your baby was about 2 weeks old..... from there on.... you are being wrong.

First, baby is 3 months old, SS is not living with you permanently, he visits.... thus you do have DH alone at times to bond with you and Baby, just allow him to, yes you are probably breastfeeding, thus DH can't help, but DH can still bath the baby and change diapers etc. Nothing wrong with leaving the baby with DH and SS, for an hour or so to get some alone time... do your nails/hair... just go for a coffee with friends.

New babies in the house are a huge change, and I think you are over tired and have after birth blues, you need to get an hour just me time, no baby, no diapers... just alone, to read a book or to do what ever.... relax...

but then again if you are done with your husband so be it

Sorry, I didn't give much

Sorry, I didn't give much details.
I had two weeks away from SS (best time ever) then we went back to the house. His son stays Thursday to Monday and he is unschooled cause BM did something at the school so he is not allowed to come back.
BM has loads of excuses so she notmally rings dad, who never informed me (and agreed). Just after we were back we kept him for 16 days straight. And the house is small and he is awake and jumping about and his father doesnt take him out as I was never took into consideration, regardless I woke up 4 times to feed baby. And everytime his son was around, my ex partner would disengage from us.

We are donoe now, because If he calls that love then we want different kinds of love. He was not like this. But got me thinking.

He always resented that I didnt bring his son to deliver, and he assumes my parents has to be just as much great grandparents to my son than to his son.
He stopped talking to me for a week when I talk to his son about my mum using her name and not grandma (but she does not want to be called grandma! Nor she is!)
I organiced holidays for the 4 of us (which won't happen) but I told him sometimes I would like to visit my family back home the three of us and he says no.

BM never went holidays with him but I'm just feeling sooo resented. Its not my fault she does not love him.

I loved that man very much and I accepted his son in my life.Since the beggining I made it very clear Im not an unoaid babysitter but I have been kind and loving to the kid.
Now I find myself in the situation that I cant allow my little boy to think that this is the right way to treat a woman, he does not help with the baby or at home. Now I really grew to dislike the little boy.

Ex even threw me to the floor and bruised me when I kindly told his son not to tell adults what to do when he told me it was time to wake up and that Im lazy,

This is never going to

This is never going to change... either you accept it or you get out,

in your shoes, I would've left with my baby and go back to my family.

me to Echo me to... but he

me to Echo me to...

but he only got abusive after birth..... too late....

and there's no need for her to be bound to this ass ole for 18 years, she can simply pack up and go and never claim CS or have any contact with him what so ever... it's possible you know, this man feels nothing for the baby, he will not demand visitation

Beastep you wrote:Ex even

Beastep you wrote:Ex even threw me to the floor and bruised me when I kindly told his son not to tell adults what to do when he told me it was time to wake up and that Im lazy,

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Please remove yourself and your infant from this situation. NOW!!

If you do not have a place to stay find your nearest social services center. OR police station. They will help you find a safe location. Also, they will give support for the baby, housing, money, food.

All this other stuff in NOT important. What is important is your safety and the safety of your child.
This man should have been in jail for throwing you to the floor. I don't give a sh** about the events that took place seconds before what HE did.

GET OUT today

Dad sees SS every Thursday to

Dad sees SS every Thursday to Monday, plus holidays, plus favours to the mum so its more like Thusday to Tuesday. Never expected him not to have him on the days the court specified.
I never expected him to see him just on holidays. But he minded I demanded consideration.

With a baby in the equation, its worse because he came to the conclusion we are two teams.

Baby was looked for, he really wanted me to get pregnant. I did and I losted it, and got pregnant again. So he had double chance.

He hated I left him clear that I am not the mother of the kid.

I feel very sad and dissapointed for my baby.

He should have learned and respect,

Yes, he did threw me to the

Yes, he did threw me to the floor saying I should not talk to his son like that .
that was 3 weeks ago. I left house with baby after he was released by police.
He hasnt say sorry yet. He didnt ask how baby is.

2 weeks later I tried to approach him he said he is got nothing to talk to me. Im done.

I did loads for his child

Bea - it's very clear - this

Bea - it's very clear - this man is not interested in you anymore....

simply end it.... if it's your house kick him out, if it's his house - move out, take your belongings and your baby's regardless who paid for it... then move back to your family and start the CS process.

I hate to say it, but it kind

I hate to say it, but it kind of sounds like he thought getting you pregnant would make you step up and take over parenting his kid? You mention he hates that you make it clear you're not the mother, so maybe he thought getting you pregnant would make it different? Either way, he's certainly abusive and it's time to get out - asap - for you and your babies sake. We're all here to talk if you need anything.

Nope, it is not unreasonable

Nope, it is not unreasonable for you expect your SO to minimize the impact that his prior relationship family has on you for a reasonable time after the birth of your own child. Companies give maternity leave. For most companies it is 2-4 weeks. I would say that is a reasonable time for your DH to insulate you and the baby from the drama of his prior breeding episodes.

Now... your kid is 3mos old. It is past time for you to get off of maternity leave and realize that if you are ending this relationship over this you are dooming your child decades if not a lifetime of divided family drama.

So... whatcha gonna do?

If the police got involved,

If the police got involved, you should pursue a civil protection order. That kind of order will give you temporary custody of the baby (since you're not married, custody defaults to you in many states in the US), allow you to stay in the home, and allow you to keep the vehicle, if there is one. They can also grant temporary child support and order that he continue to pay the bills for the home if you don't work. Please protect yourself and your child. If you're not working, get a job so that you can support yourself. I went through one hell of an abusive marriage. It's not easy to escape but it is so worth it.

I'm in the UK so we have

I'm in the UK so we have maternity leave for a year. And I don't know what the BM did but Ex SS got kicked out of school after a drama she made in consequence she asks my ex partner to take him on her days, and in a result, I have a kid jumping amd shouting from 9am in the morning.. AND the house workload, AND the newborn.

Police arrested him and released him in the afternoon. Apparently there was not enough concern as he claimed he losted his mind. In the Uk they do keep a record of domestic violence episodes but this was the first time he actually put hands on me.

I can't keep the house as I found from the council he never added me or my son in the residence, (when I pay 50%) it was just himself and SS. They offered me to live in B&B u till they find housing for us.

So, I packed a few stuff and took a plane to my parents. From here I'm going to demand full custody and child support.

But yeah, as some poster is written, I know he is not interested in me anymore, after all he has done. It's just that I wished that my son has a family and now he doesnt. And I can't believe how u can stop caring of a woman that is given birth a shy of 2 and a half (thats when it hapoened) months.

Im devastated, I would have given it all to give a family to my son, i even spoke to him 3 days before the incudent saying I would try to be more 'maternal' to his son.

I got nothing against SS but hey, my ex can stick him in his ass and hope he enjoys it,

I'm in the UK so we have

So, I packed a few stuff and took a plane to my parents. From here I'm going to demand full custody and child support.

Im devastated, I would have given it all to give a family to my son, i even spoke to him 3 days before the incudent saying I would try to be more 'maternal' to his son.

I got nothing against SS but hey, my ex can stick him in his ass and hope he enjoys it,

BEa - good for you and now -

BEa - good for you and now - stop it, your son has family... you and your parents and every one you knows.

It's much easier then you think hon, I raised my son alone and he's 21 this year... it's actually very easy, hang in there you made the right choice, start seeing Ex as a sperm donar and nothing else...

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