I am sorry to say hon, but you have wasted 3 years of you life on this man.....

if this is the life you want, keep going, personally I would've ended it and move on

Let her gravitate away from you, then. You owe her nothing and she sounds like a spoiled brat.

They both have moved on but stay married since they have a daughter together.

This^^^^makes no sense, as they are both living with other people. That's not really the definition of "staying married for the kid's sake".

The first thing you do is demand that this man divorce his wife or you walk away.

The way he and his wife parents their child shouldn't be more of a concern than the fact that he is still married.

Your partner is WAY to soft if he's not getting a grip on her behaviour. She sounds spoiled as hell.

Last night, my husband and I took my stepdaughter who's 5 years old to the store to pick up a helmet and kneepads so she could ride the scooter we bought her in the winter. We were SUPER excited to take her on the scooter. Once we had the helmet and kneepads in the cart ($50 for both) we went by the easter section and she asked for some chocolate. I told her no because easter is soon and she's already getting a helmet and kneepads. She got upset and said "but those aren't a treat, i can't eat them!" and I promptly told her if she's not grateful she's not getting anything at all and put the helmet and kneepads back. She cried and cried but my husband totally backed me up. No way in hell will we EVER support behaviour that's even the littlest bit entitled.

We do the same thing if we go to a restaurant and she complains even once that it's not what she wanted. We pack up and leave the moment she has something negative to say. She's learning to keep quiet and say thank you for ANYTHING she's given. The same needs to be done for this girl, who by the way, is on the verge of teen years and those will be HELL if she's not taught to appreciate things and people around her.

He's legally married to someone who has filed bankruptcy. He is legally married to someone who in the past took out loans in his name. He should be worried about money now.

Does he check his credit regularly to be sure there are no new loans in his name?

First... no 10yo on a mattress in your bedroom. Ever.

Second... what the hell are you doing with a man who has created this entitled golden child brat?

She kicked him? Did he light her as up for that?

If not... he is the problem.

Kicked her father. Kicked. her. father.

He did nothing.

There is a great deal wrong with this whole situation but this alone is a crushing deal breaker. That kid is going to be a monster.

My sd also frequently made statements about wanting to be younger, be a kid all the time. Now here we are. She's 17 and may not graduate. School counselor says it's because "she's afraid to turn 18." No, it's because she's been indulged in dreadful behavior all her life and is in no way prepared to be an adult. Oh, well. She will be an adult soon just a terrible one.

Your so is either deeply stupid, deeply in denial, or has an agenda you have not sussed out. As a married man he knows he's CURRENTLY liable for all her debts. He knows that. The only way to protect his assets is to divorce so that no new debts she incurs can fall in his lap. It sounds like they are not done with each other and have dragged 2 other people into their emotional vortex.

But if he drops dead right now, every red cent will go to his wife.

Yep. I don't know how long they were married before they split up but now that it's dragged out this long, I assume they have now been married more than 10 years. Which means she will get his social security, too. Not that that will affect you (even if you marry him) but it's annoying!

If he has life insurance through his work, he probably can't name anybody else as a beneficiary, unless the spouse signs off. Anything that is in his name, could legally belong to her (depending on the state) and will become hers if he dies, as she is next of kin. Things like that that people don't think about until it's too late.

He sounds confused or something. Divorce is the appropriate action in this situation where everyone has moved on. I agree with everyone else's appropriate concerns for your future financial and emotional security.
And she sounds awful. 10 and can't tie her shoes? And so many other red flags.
You're in for a long haul.
Does your DH feel she is spoiled or he thinks he's doing everything right? There was a good article posted here recently, about overindulged kids and later resentment.
https://www.steptalk.org/node/236937

You should read it and give it to DH. Maybe he'll get a clue before it's too late.

Another entitled spoiled child walking the planet. Your SO is doing himself, you, and the world at large a huge disservice. The child (at this point), there is really nothing you can change here - she really isn't the problem you are having - Momee and dadee are the problem!

STOP doing things for her. She will grow to hate you. STOP planning fun outings. Disengage, because really, you are not the parent. One of the main things that you learn here, is the following:

YOU are not the parent. This child has 2 parents and you are not one of them. YOU cannot care more about this child than the parents do. If your SO is ok with a monster who kicks him, and doesn't appreciate him, then you can do nothing. You can advise him. You can stand strong and support him and encourage him to stand strong as well.

Another great bit of advice you will learn here;

Childrearing hasn't changed much over time and over the world - we all face the same challenges. As someone coming into this child's world, who is not a parent, you have responsibility but not authority. It is the parents who have to parent her, you need to allow your SO to parent her. But you also have to decide what you are going to allow in your life. Are you willing to spend more of your life in this situation? Are you going to invest more of yourself in these people? It is time for some soul-searching. You are not tied to this man permanently, however he and the child represent an investment that you have made. Are you willing to invest more into this family with all the entanglements that will drag you down further?

Read more postings here. I have learned much. The advice is the same all over, that you are on the losing side of this war, as it is currently. Something needs to change. The married comments- well I am curious why you would mention it if you did not want advice on that as well. I think you realize that it is in fact relevant to your story, in a whole-istic manner.

As for my story, well, I was in a relationship with a "separated-but-not-divorced" man. And after 1 1/2 years, he had a friend who knew a paralegal, who was excellent, and a friend, and he saved up his money, and started the process. Prior to that, my SO jumped through many hoops, every day, to make sure that things were "friendly" between he and his ex. She is high-conflict, bi-polar, etc. He knew things would hit the fan when he told her he was filing. But he had the cohones to do it, and do it he did. He was right - she got very angry, and told him she wanted him to wait so she could claim 10 years, to qualify for higher social security benefits. He said no. Because also, after 10 year mark, the ex could file for alimony in perpetuity.

She became so angry she filed an ex parte. Told the court all types of negative things about SO and myself, asked for many restrictions. She told SO she hoped he would die of a brain aneurysm like his father before him did. That she would ask for a very large alimony sum. She never followed through, and things calmed down. Nothing was done, except they filed the paperwork and 8 months later divorce was final! SO claims that if I had not pushed, and his friends had not pushed, it would not have happened. He benefits greatly for having disengaged himself, in many ways that I don't think he realizes.

My SO has two girls, and the eldest was a nightmare (still is...you can read my blogs.) The youngest I have hope for, and we get along, however there have been some entitled moments. When she told me she was bored at an event last year, I completely stopped planning fun outings. Not going out of my way to organize things really anymore, unless its just SO and I.

Like I said - I think it is time for you to do some intense soul-searching, and then put some action behind your decisions.

This is way beyond parenting differences. Does he really not connect the dots? I'm a bit boggled at the fact that anyone would continue in a relationship with such rudeness and lack of respect. That applies for pretty much everyone involved.

Love is NOT enough. Love is the thread that starts things off, that holds it together during weak moments, but it's just a thread.

Wait yeah I just realized you mentioned she kicked him and he did nothing. What happens when she acts violently towards you? do you think he'll do something then?

You see a lot of stories on the news about stepkids stabbing their stepparents lol so i'd watch out....