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I worry about the future

kenciso's picture

Does anyone else wonder and worry how the current blended family situation is going to affect your relationship with your Bio Kids once they are older and out on their own?

Does anyone else worry that the SC is going to stay and mooch off you forever and cause your own Bio Kids to not want to be part of your life as long as the SC are in it?

Does anyone else worry that the constant drama and tension in the house will cause your own Bio Kids to not want to be part of your life?

Does anyone who has already gone through this have promising words for me?

twoviewpoints's picture

Your DH has five years to prepare his daughter to launch at 18. He should be focusing on her education and teaching her responsibilities. How is her college fund coming along?

Ridiculous to think that with a SD of 13 you'll be stuck with her forever living with you and mooching. Dad has five years to work with his daughter. Your own kids are 14 and 16. What are you doing to prepare them for 18 that SD can't also be being taught and prepped for?

Thumper's picture

NOPE

Not worried at all.

My dh, myself and my ex collectively DO no permit drama inside our homes. If anyone is crappy to the anyone---they are not invited back.

Love love love family gatherings, holidays. It is drama free. I would not put up with anything else.

**comments are only about my bio's and 'our'bios. NOT my dh's x's adult kids** I will say this:
Our together bio's and my first bio's get along very very well. True fondness and kindness towards each other. It is all about how they were raised.

AND putting your foot down about what you WILL allow or not allow inside your home at all times.

smomofone's picture

I have no bios nor do I plan on having children at all. SD (and SO) have a few options when it comes to me and what I will allow.

Option one: No child at home after they are 18.

Option two: Child is allowed to live at home after 18 if they pay full rent.

Option three: Child is allowed to live at home after 18 if they pay partial rent and go to school part time

Option four: Child is allowed to live at home after 18, rent free if they go to school full time.

That is it. No other options.

If SO doesn't like it he can pack up and go, we can still be together but live separate.

Acratopotes's picture

Nope not at all, I know I've raised my bio to look after himself and to take care of him self, to work for money and to budget his expenses accordingly. Deigma already launched, it's just cheaper for him to be my house mate, he pays 50% of house hold expenses and does his own thing at age 21. He's saving up for a car, which I will not buy, I paid college and he dropped out after 3 months... bastard. Thus the help with a car is off the table.

I do not care what becomes of Aergia, she will live of men for the rest of her life, I had years and years of planting the seed with SO, as soon as Aergia is done with school and college he will support her, unless she falls pregnant before graduation. I made sure Aergia never wants to live with me... and I already told her I am moving back next year }:)

At a certain age it's time for the little birds to grow wings and fly out into the world... if Deigma does not speak to me for years, it's his problem..... but this will never happen.... cause we respect each other and well we love each other with a dash of hate as well

Is_What_It_Is's picture

Yes, yes, yes, and no....

I think these are all valid questions - but if you really think about them, you raised your children the best you could - do you really see them treating you as such?

For my own situation - I don't think that would ever happen. But that is because I make my DD a priority and no longer try to treat all the skids and DD as equals. Fairly, yes - equals, no. I am almost completely disengaged from the skids and make sure my DD knows that she (and Dh) are my priority. Whatever goes on with the skids - always let your bio kids know that they are a priority and you are there for them.

Your bios will only write you off if you have written them off first - or feel you have placed the skids before them. Which honestly, when you are first blending a family, it does feel like this because we don't know what the heck we're all doing and much trial and error to make everyone's fee-fee's feel good. I wish I had known about this site in the early years - would have saved me much stress, mental anguish, and gray hairs. Wink