Special needs SS.
I have an SS13 (and SD4 plus one together who is 2, but that's irrelevant.) I have been with his father 4 years. We are not married, but would eventually like to be.
SS13 almost 14 is blind and epileptic. He's an okay kid and I don't have a problem with him much, except for maybe that he has the maturity of an 8 year old and refuses to do homework, but I let SO deal with that.
I'm trying to kmagine what our lives will look like down the road. We plan on having one more child and with a 2 and 4 year old, I'm well aware we won't have an "empty nest" for a while. But I'm starting to wonder if we ever will.
I mean having college aged kids live with us is one thing, but to have a grown man in his thirties living with us is a whole other issue. I can see SS13 being capable of living by himself as an adult, maybe with part time assistance. There is nothing wrong with him cognitively. However, with his current personality and being used to having people do everything for him, I don't see him ever willing to move out even when he's 25 or 30.
To move forward with my relationship, I'm guessing I have to accept the possibility of him living in our home forever? I know there are parents out there who have perfectly normal (and sick) adult kids still in their house and I'm not saying I won't. At least I know there's a good probability with the other kids it won't be forever though.
I'd also hate to let something that is a possibility destroy my relationship. Just because I fell in love with SO does not mean I care for his kids unconditionally and I know in 15 years I'll be pulling my hair out if SS is still roaming around the house being babied (for example, he doesn't even scoop his own guacamole,. It has to be put on each individual chip for him.) Am I just worrying too far ahead?
So maybe that was a bad
So maybe that was a bad example. SS's motor skills are perfectly normal. That's what just came to mind as one of the simplest things he could do for himself, but refuses to.
I know there are programs... my concern is not that there aren't options, it's more about his motivation to actually be a productive member of society once he ages out of the school system.
Look around for a group in
Look around for a group in your area that specializes in training the special needs people of your stripe. For us it is autism. We enrolled ssthen11 in a social skills class there. It can be easier for the dad to hear it from a neutral professional that his kid can and should do more.
For example, one thing that really stuck with my dh is when a pro mentioned that a dad will take an autistic son into the men's room and stand right by him at the urinal. This is a BAD thing for dads to do because all the times that boy is going to have to go into a men's room without dad he will get himself into trouble if he goes and stands next to some guy at the urinal!
My dh had never thought of it that way. That in hovering over his kid, he was actually handicapping him further.
For your overall question I would say the kid himself is not your focus. The real question is can you and his dad learn to work together to launch all the kids and run a happy home? My dh and I have done a lot of bonding over autistic ssnow15. The other kid, completely healthy, well, that's a horse of a different color.
During the past 4 years of
During the past 4 years of your relationship hasn't either the Mom or the Dad told you about all of the valuable recourses for kids similar to your boyfriends?
IF not they should have.
Most parents want the VERY best for their disabled child. The first step is maximizing all available help. And letting go of their child so she/he can live on their own, work and be independent in preparation of adult hood. GEE that is a novel idea.
Your boyfriends son should already have a case plan set up. IF not there again he should.
Ma'am something is very wrong with this story IF this boy does not eat off his plate, reach and remove guacamole , and do self care. I am not saying he should mow the grass.
I would be calling social services up very quickly for them to do a eval on the boy AND an eval on the two homes. THIS teen needs folks willing to help him not hold him down.
Please know I am not minimizing your boyfriends sons medical conditions. What I am saying is there should be a case plan, in home therapies and out to clinic therapies in preparation to maximize his ABILITIES not focus only on disabilities.
This fires me UP.
I have seen my share of parents who have a child, maybe two, three with medical problems and their focus is keeping the kid down.
from what you wrote I do not
from what you wrote I do not get SS disability? He's blind nothing serious, Why do people still see this as an disability.
I have a fried that's blind, she went to a school for blind, graduated with good marks and she started living on her own since she was 21, after college, she got married and has 4 kids.... she still works.
She taught me braille...I still can't get it right
The epilepsy - well correct me if I'm wrong but there's medication SS can take to help him.
Thus I think you have a DH problem, raise the kid that blindness is not a disability and he will flourish. If possible see if you can find him a school for blind people... (our schools do not cater for blind or wheelchair bound children, we need to send them to alternative schools)
You should look into SS
You should look into SS disability. Hire a lawer who specializes in SS disability. They will do all the paperwork. He will also get Medicare.
Your SS needs Occupational Therapy. Someone to teach him how to do the things one need to do in a normal life. Wash, shower, cook prepare food. Dress, clean up the house. Things he needs to do to live by himself with some help. Travel by bus train taxi
There are many people who do this. It is possible. He may have to live in places where there good public transportation ect
You must look into that