Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Kids don't know she's dying

Not really sure there’s anything that can be done but maybe someone has an idea. The man I’m with has two children. One’s in first grade while the other is younger. Biomom has primary custody and when the kids are not with her or us they are with one of her family members, which is quite often. To the point the oldest talks about that being their 2nd home with dad's being their 3rd. This doesn’t upset me except that the family member has a terminal illness and is dying. I’ve struggled with this for a while but last time we went to pick them up it was hard to ignore. They were with mom and family member when we had to quickly pick them up because family member was on the way to the ER. On the way home partner tells the kids everything’s going to be fine which bothered me because it’s not true. I understand not scaring the kids but I realized they have no clue. They truly think that these ER visits are nothing and everything’s just fine while we adults see the inevitable. It’s going to happen and I’m worried what will happen when it does. I know the younger one most likely won’t understand but I feel the older should be given some heads up. I mean I’m truly worried the family member may die while the kids are alone with her. I can’t and won’t try to say anything to them myself (Not my place I know). I talked to dad and he says he wants to but Biomom refuses. We may just be stuck until something happens and then only able to offer the best support we can. Dad likes the women also so he’s concerned too but doesn’t want to start a fight with Biomom which is understandable. I understand this maybe something that there's nothing he can do.

twoviewpoints's picture

At the very least Dad needs

At the very least Dad needs to be sure his oldest knows is how to use a phone. Phone number of Dad and also how to call 9-1-1.

Doesn't sound like much, but is not what you were seeking, but at six it's valuable acknowledge to teach children. Daddy could fall down the stairs and need help with any a six year old there. He left his cell on the table. Would his kiddo know what to do? Call SM? Dial 9-1-1?

Not going to get into the approaching death thing, unhealthy people tending to small children and whatnot. Those are decisions Dad and Mom have to work out.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

I did talk to him about that

I did talk to him about that and he said she did and that she should be able to find the phone. Will ensure he goes over how to make an emergency call if the phone is locked like his is.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

I did talk to him about that

I did talk to him about that and he said she did and that she should be able to find the phone. Will ensure he goes over how to make an emergency call if the phone is locked like his is.

sueu2's picture

You have some knowledge and

You have some knowledge and are playing with it inside your head. You got ahold of something and began applying your opinion and values to it. People, we women especially, have a tendency to do that. But it's not what you consider it to be because you're making too much of it. Plus, there's like more to it than you know. You're saying BM is the one who doesn't want the kids told, but what if the family member herself who doesn't want them told, and BM is simply honoring her wishes? Maybe BM and/or the family member don't want to scare the small children they love like that. It could also be that BM and/or the family member don't want curious children just out of toddlerhood asking questions pertaining to her illness. She spends a lot of time with them. The questions would be endless.

Sit on the information you have and allow those people to raise their children in the manner that they choose. How they are raised and what information they become privy to is not for anyone else to decide. I don't know if your boyfriend has all the information or if he just leaving it at "BM says no."

notsurehowtodeal's picture

As far as calling for medical

As far as calling for medical help - if there is only a cell phone available the child needs to be able to give the address where she is located. A cell phone call to 911 may not give the exact address. A land line should give the address, but even then the system can fail.

Of course, making sure the child can use a phone to summon medical help may lead to questions that BM and DH and possibly the caretaker are not yet willing to answer.

HRNYC's picture

How do you know the family

How do you know the family member is dying? Could it be that mom drops them off, then picks up groceries for the family member? Do you think it will be a sudden death?

notsobad's picture

I know you want what's best

I know you want what's best for the kids but let Mom and Dad decide.

As long as the skids know how to get help, if they need it, all will be fine.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

There's a lot I want to say

There's a lot I want to say but I know it becomes a situation of but... but... but... Like I said though I will not say anything it's not my place. Also know it's terminal because she's told us and it's posted about publicly on facebook.