SD15 is a compulsive liar and master manipulator
Does anyone else live with a compulsive liar and master manipulator like my SD15? She will literally lie about everything. She is a real b**ch when she isn't around us, talking horribly about me and my husband (her dad) and thinking she is the queen bee, treating others like dirt. But when she gets around my in laws (her gparents) she is open and sweet and just has them wrapped around her finger. Makes them believe that we treat her terribly and that she can do no wrong. It makes me want to scream and shake them and tell them to open their eyes and see how awful she really is! She goes to her moms every other weekend and acts a different way there as well. Throws temper tantrums and screaming in her mother's face. Any form of discipline doesn't work, she literally doesn't care. BM and in laws are NO help at all. BM tries to be the best friend and allows SD15's boyfriend to come over and spend the night at their house. In laws kiss her ass and worship the ground she walks on while the other two children get left out and treated like crap because of her. Im so fed up with her, I just want to take my BD and leave. My husband and I separated once before and the stress was almost gone because I didn't have to deal with her or have my daughter around her! I want SD15 to go live with her mother since they act exactly alike, but husband doesn't want her to. He doesn't understand the stress she puts on the rest of the family!
My SS13 (SD15 bio brother),
My SS13 (SD15 bio brother), has been recording her fits on his phone. As soon as she notices him recording, she changes her dynamic. I swear she has multiple personalities... can't stand the brat.
Ah yes. The manipulative
Ah yes. The manipulative stepbrat! I say boot her out and tell dh he can go with her.
I have an SD17 much like your
I have an SD17 much like your SD15, and believe me, this behavior doesn't get BETTER it gets WORSE, as their capacities get bigger, so does their capacity for shenanigans. Read my blog for details, Im certain you will be able to relate well
MY SD17 is a sociopathic liar, a narcissist, and does indeed act different ways in front of different people. She acts so sweet and innocent and "tee hee" in front of others, it makes me sick every time. Then, you make her angry in any way, or ask her NOT to do something and she will unleash her temper full force on the person. I've seen her punch her younger sister, call her ugly and stupid. She was caught shoplifting, and lied about it. She said vile and horrid things to me, said she hated me, called me names, and then lied about it, saying that I called HER names and told HER I hated her. (hate is such and ugly word, rather I despise the girl by now)
The Aunties all love her because she takes care of 94-year old gma, which entails spending the night, and getting her water, or her walker, and sitting on the couch with a laptop while gma listens to tv (shes blind as well as hard of hearing). This makes it so Aunties can go to their parties.
I had an argument with SO just last night about this kind of thing. I told him I was hurt and angry, and his response was only "leave Winona alone, shes my DAUGHTER." All I had wanted was for him to give her a good talking to. She has no activities and no friends, no car, no license, no job - not much to take away. Im like, well you could take away wifi and television, you can pile on the chores. He sais nothing when his precious is bad, or acts out, nothing at all.
It is very frustrating!!!!!!
Ive been tempted to install cameras myself, and show everyone. But then I would be the bad person in all of this, like I always am.
My solution, which has seemed to work out ok, is to disengage completely. I started a while ago, and upped my game just recently after a large blowout. I do not do her dishes, and do not clean up after her, merely ask her to do it, as many times as it takes, calmly. If she is snarky, I say nothing and walk away. I say nothing to her, hello, goodbye, and that is it. I especially do not say a word when SO or someone is not there. Definitely - if you are going to stay in this relationship, it is advisable to disengage.
I should add that SD17 begs to stay with us full-time, and I am DREADING IT. They don't age out of the household, they stay in it and suck off it and mooch and mooch and whine and whine, and use and use.
I can definitely relate. No
I can definitely relate. No matter the situation, or what she has done, I'm always made out to be the bad guy. Getting guilt tripped because I take my own biological child out to do things and spend time with just me and her. Literally cannot stand the in laws. They make everything 100x worse! I refuse to let SD15 have anything to do with my family. We take trips to visit them and I do not take her and haven't for years because of how she treats me family. Sd15 STILL wets the bed and will not clean it up. She will leave dirty sheets on her bed for days until the stench is so overwhelming I can smell it through her door and I force her to clean it up. She disgusts me. I put her on birth control the month she started her period because I'll be damned if I get stuck with her offspring. My husband means well but he parents her out of guilt and she knows it. I want her to be gone for good but at the same time I don't want to give her what she wants. This is putting a huge strain on my marriage, but it's either sink or swim at this point because I don't want my young bio daughter raised around a person like that. Sd15 tells me bd7 to lie to me or to hide things from me. I hate her... I just hate her for what she has done to our life. And I resent him for not taking care of this years ago when I first brought up her problems.
(((hugs to you))). Its a
(((hugs to you))). Its a lose-lose situation.
My SS had issues with being a
My SS had issues with being a pleaser and rather than answering with the truth would answer with what he thought others wanted to hear. I learned to never ask him a direct question and instead would instruct him to tell me about the topic at hand.
Example.
"Did you do your chores/homework/etc.. ?" Immediate answer often before the question had completely left my mouth would be "Yes". Upon examination.... Nope. Invariably at best he had only done part of the tasks at hand if any.
So I changed from direct questions to a call to action. "Show me what you got done today on (chores/Homework/etc...)." No opportunity for him to lie. I was less frustrated, everyone was less stressed.
We did not have the extreme manipulation that you deal with. Time for webcams and micro-recorders to deal with that. Bare her ass in her lies immediately and in front of family, friends, etc..... When she swears up and down that you and DH are mean.... etc..... ask her for specific instances with times, dates, etc..... and when she stutters and prevaricates bare her ass again publically and brutally. If she lies and makes something up ...... tell her that when you all get home you will review the web-cam and audio files and when she is found to be lying.... she will have to stand in front of whoever she was lying in front of and recant. If she pulls the ranting crap with you that she pulls with BM.... web can footage is some embarrassing crap to put in front of friends and family. }:)
Lather, rinse, repeat. The way to beat this kind of toxic crap is with full time, zero tolerance, immediate direct confrontation and public humiliation.
Don't get angry, don't get excited, be doggedly calm and direct. Have fun.
This is awesome. I will be
This is awesome. I will be installing nannycams right away.
You said you separated once
You said you separated once but came back. I'm discussing a separation with my husband tonight but if I go to all that trouble, I don't want to ever return. If possible, can you tell me what brought you back?
Web cams!!!! And when you
Web cams!!!! And when you have a decent amount of footage to demonstrate her crap have a movie night with GrandMa and GrandPa with SD right there front and center to have to explain herself and why she is an unadulterated little biotch except with G-ma and G-pa.
Lather, rinse, repeat until either she corrects her behavior or the GPs gain clarity.
Yes as a matter of fact I do
Yes as a matter of fact I do live with one that’s almost 16. Our major issues is his father babies it and I don’t.
yes yes yes!
My sd is completely manipulative and a narcissist. Every year she escalates to a new level. First it was seeking attention, then seeking attention through not eating, then seeking attention by sleeping with multiple people at bm's house at the age of 14, then seeking attention by making a false rape claim at school, then a suicide claim to the school counselor for which she went through weeks of therapy and learned nothing. she is on meds, and has continued a hate campaign against me and her step siblings. she was asked by her counselor why she has a rocky relationship with her step sibs and she said, and i quote, "because they won't play games with me". she's 17. I said, maybe it's because you are so hateful to them! I think my jaw hit the ground. this girl thrives on negative attention and drama, she is just like her bm. expects everyone to bow down to her , then throws a tantrum when they don't. she's mean and everyone else has pretty much disengaged from her. Her dad is good about calling her out on her behavior but i swear it's almost like she is going backwards as far as her age goes.