My step son has won, I'm done.
I have lived with my step son full time for nearly 3 years now. It has been an uphill battle. He has resented me from day one. He lived with his dad alone his whole life and when he was 12, he and his father moved an hour away across town so we could all live together. Since living together, as an adult and parent figure I have encouraged him to perform basic human functions such as brushing his teeth (he'd go weeks without doing this), eating food (he literally forgets to eat), try to get him out of the house and get some sunlight (he'd play video games for 12 hours straight), and be somewhat polite (he had the manners of a caveman at age 12) I'm not blaming this on him, his father didn't guide him properly but he gave me hell trying to instill these very non-strict basic human functions into him. Hygiene, manners, human decency... for 3 years it's been non stop arguments between me and husband over his son, he treats me like crap, I feel like I'm living with a stranger etc etc. my husband never puts his foot down and tells his son his behavior toward me is unacceptable. He is chronically "depressed" when he is grounded and when it suits him to manipulate his father and totally happy and OK when he's getting computer games and electronics purchased for him. He is extremely manipulative... so much that just recently he "overdosed" on tylenol. He admitted he wanted attention from a girl and me and his dad and that's why he did it. His decision to swallow Tylenol to cause a scene cost me and his father over 3,000 dollars. We are NOT rich people and are always looking to save money. The overdose last week coupled with finding a secret stash of my bras and underwear in his room along with my face lotion and lubricant... in combo with his constant theatrical depression, lack of motivation and unpredictable scary behavior prompted us to take him to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist had him complete an evaluation where he disclosed he has reoccurring thoughts of hurting people for no reason at all. All this said, I have asked his father to be stern and tell him that if he doesn't shape up, he's gonna go live with his mom. I have a 7 month old baby to worry about.. I don't need this dangerous and unpredictable boy in my life if he is not going to make an effort to change. My husband won't take a stance and I am officially done. My step son wins. He can have what he wants. This situation is bad enough as is, but withought the support of his father my hands are tied. I am so deeply sad by this and I really dont think anyone other than a step parent with struggles can truest understand the hopelessness I'm feeling right now. I just cant put up with this anymore.
sending you hugs..... take
sending you hugs..... take your baby and move out..... you need a break from this. Let DH suffer on his own with his brat.
I'm not saying divorce, you still love this man... if not then divorce.... but 15 year old children are nightmares, regardless if they are skid or bio, you will know in 15 years time
Then decide if you can safe your marriage, living separately works for me...it's been 4 years and after about 2.5 years SO cracked and started parenting.
EDIT to ADD: Disengage Hon, read the link below and start dong it, treat the brat the same way he treats you and lock your belongings up, even if you have to lock your bedroom door, do nothing for this snot, he has a father and a mother and it's not you
http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html
I agree with you but I can't
I agree with you but I can't help but think what I would do in her DH's position. A teenager that admits he has thoughts of hurting others living with a tiny baby. Do you take the chance and keep the under the same roof hoping the teen will be able to get the help he needs before he actually hurts someone (the baby) or have the teens mother step up and help. I don't know their situation but if the BM can house the boy while he is getting treatment, that may be the safest route for the time being. I'm saying all this assuming the teen was telling the truth and not just lying to get more attention.
I agree with Acra, move out
I agree with Acra, move out and get some peace for your and your child. You need to be able to get away from this child for certain. Protect yourself first and foremost.
I'd be leery about moving
I'd be leery about moving out. DH will get custody time with the baby and OP won't be there to make sure the baby was safe around SS.
Op can fight for supervised
Op can fight for supervised custody, baby is young and her divorce reason, unsafe environment
she can play the pervert
she can play the pervert card... he stole her undies, he might experience on the small kid...
if she really wants to... she will be able to get away with allot of things
and for some one who's been here this short - you sure know allot of posters who left 3 years ago :?
I agree with Acra, move out
I agree with Acra, move out and get some peace for your and your child. You need to be able to get away from this child for certain. Protect yourself first and foremost.
Yes, we do understand your
Yes, we do understand your despair. Sadly, we do.
I would move a million miles away if I were you. You can try to hit the reset button. Dad already screwed up one kid, don't let him screw up yours.
I would leave also. I would
I would leave also. I would first get my hands on as much "proof" and documentation of the safety issues in your home. The overdose, the psychiatric issues etc.
I would go to a lawyer as well to learn how you can best protect yourself and your child.
Your DH also needs to know exactly why you have come to this decision. It may have been that he was worried about the most urgent need (disturbed kid) that he didn't realize the toll it took on others in the home. He needs to learn that the consequences of not being a parent is that he loses access to his wife and will have limited access to his other child.
I also do have to fall in with the "why have kids with a bad parent" chorus... but that's water under the bridge... so deal with the situation you have now.
This thread is very sad to
This thread is very sad to read. The following excerpt gave me great pause.
OP wrote;
The psychiatrist had him complete an evaluation where he disclosed he has reoccurring thoughts of hurting people for no reason at all.
This is a protection issue: not only for dh son but for all persons. VERY VERY surprised the boy was not committed into short OR long term facility.
The boy needs help. I honestly feel awful for all persons involved.
jmo of course.
Yes my DH was a very
Yes my DH was a very negligent father in the sense that he didn't keep up with important things like structure, basic hygiene and manners. That being said, he has been a single father since he was 23 years old. His ex, who is the mother of his son left.. leaving a young 23 yo man to raise a baby. Obviously he's made huge mistakes along the way but I don't know a lot of young guys who have strong maternal instincts to instill those things into a baby/child the way a mother can. All these things aside he is a very sweet and loving person. His major flaw is just not being assertive and recognizing that his son needs to be taught these things. I figured having another child with him was going to be a nice situation. I can teach the child things he failed to do, such as washing, helping, manners, etc. my DH is not a drunk, doesn't cheat or gamble, has held a great job and in most aspects is a very kind and genuine person. He was just clueless on these things. I am not giving him a pass by any means but some of these responses are very cold and are making me out to be this clueless person who had no standards and just had a baby without thinking things through. I did think it through. I just saw a man who wasn't capable of being a father all on his own. I didn't see his lack of involvement as being the major problem that it has become. I genuinely thought I could be a part of this situation and improve it and things would be ok. I had no bad intentions, nor did I see his parenting style (which is not really being a parent) as something that would create such a massive problem. The issues with me are NOW. Now he knows better, now he has the ability to recognize what he's done wrong and how to fix it and he isn't. So yes what you're saying is right and I agree, but please don't try to make me out to be some idiot that married a POS and is now crying about it.