Okay, a little back story before I dive right into the drama of the week.

DH and I have been together for 3 years. We have SD12 every other weekend, 1 week in the summer, and 1 week over Christmas. DH and BM were never married and broke up before SD was even born, so therefore in the state of GA he basically has no rights to his own child (except, of course, the right to pay enough child support so that BM never has to work a full time job). For the first 6 months of SD's life DH only got to see her 2 hours a week, which wasn't even enough time for him to bring her to his house as they lived an hour apart. After a court battle he finally got custody every other weekend, plus 4 hours a week. When SD was very young (2 or 3ish) BM moved 4 hours away. So very long story slightly shorter, DH never got to bond with SD like a normal father would bond with his daughter because BM and her actually evil stepmother did everything in their power to cut him out of the picture. When BM got knocked up with her second child (from a different man), SD went to live with BM's actually evil stepmother, this is who she still lives with.

Please forgive me if I've left something out of this long, twisted, backstory teaming with she-demons, but I'm going to move on to the most recent battle with evil.

The weekend closest to Valentines Day was our scheduled weekend, however SD had a school dance on Saturday that she wanted to go to, so we told "Grandma" that we could swap weekends. She informed us that SD was too busy the next few weekends to make up our lost weekend (they keep her involved in a million different things), so we ended up going 3 weekends in a row without seeing her. When we met to pick SD up after her 3 weekends away she cried and sobbed and clung to "Grandma" who soaked up every second of DH's heartache and discomfort. When we finally pried her from "Grandma" and got in the car we asked her what was wrong and why she was so upset about coming to see us and she sobbed at us that she "just missed Grandma" and that we "don't do enough fun stuff". Let me just clarify that every time she is with us we make sure to entertain her (baking, watching movies, playing video games, going for walks, horseback riding, shopping) so we don't just put her in a corner and let her play by herself, she is entertained almost constantly, however, as DH and I both work 40+ hours a week, sometimes there are other things that need to be done on the weekend too. So anyway, at this point DH is incredibly hurt and angry because his own child is crying because she has to see him, and he asked her point blank if the only reason she was coming was to be entertained and "do fun stuff". SD answered with silence. He asked her if she would rather stop coming. Again, she answered with silence and sniffles. I could almost hear his heart crack.

As irritated as I am at my SD's behavior I do love her. I also realize that it's not her fault that she doesn't want to come, the she-demons put her in so many clubs and activities specifically to cause this issue. They cater to her non-stop and always make her the center of attention, they do whatever she wants and constantly keep her busy. When she comes to see us she has rules and has to be respectful, and we can't afford to take her to the movies or mini golf or to do something expensive every weekend. She doesn't have friends and clubs with us. Plus coming to see us means spending at least 8 hours of her weekend on the road. So I can't blame her for getting tired of it.

I suppose I'm looking for some advice on how to deal with this. DH is heartbroken, he feels like if he doesn't do whatever she wants she will choose to stop coming. However, being the evil step-monster I am torn. I feel like 12 is too young to choose whether she comes or not, but on the other hand I feel like if we keep forcing her to come every weekend and make up every time she misses a weekend she will just end up resenting the visits more and more as she gets older.

Advice, opinions, and happy pills are welcomed!