Paternity fraud. Wasn't I just complaining about this? This is so cruel!

The laws need to be updated, and paternity testing should be mandatory for all newborns. Kids deserve to know their real fathers and medical histories.

Can I ask why you decided to do the test? I'm convinced my SS is not my husband's bio. Not only am I convinced but pretty much everyone who knows us, even my husband's parents strongly suspect that he is not my husband's (and have been very open with me about their suspicions). Early on I suggested the DNA test but stopped after a while as the kid is 16 and has only known his dad as his dad. I figured it would be more harmful to him to know the truth at this point and wouldn't change the child support. While I would love to throw it in BM's face that we know and call her a lying hag I figured we just might never know. (And honestly I could call her a lying hag for a ton of other things so it works out if I want to take that route... I thought maybe if skid-mark was curious as adult that would be his prerogative.

So, if you aren't telling the daughter and it isn't changing the visitation or cost...why did you get it?

Look, I understand your concern about basic fairness. What BM did was cruel. But what's the alternative to keep things just as they are? Telling a tween the only father she's ever known isn't her dad? Your DH has confronted BM. Either way, you're still helping to raise a child that isn't biologically yours. That doesn't change for you. I would try to support your DH and work through your own feelings about this. Good luck to you. And also, twelve year old girls may be just the most difficult people to "win over." Don't try so hard to get her to like you or "accept" you. Hopefully she will come around on her own.

My DH's late father never believed that DH was the father of DH's oldest son who conceived during a ONS when DH came home from overseas for a weekend. She was the town bike and he was a horny 19 or 20 year old who'd been in the military overseas. He just wanted an easy lay.

He ended up getting ordered back to the states to go marry her (decades and decades ago - Viet Nam era). I sometimes wonder if that might be part of the reason that BM did not tell DH when their son died.

I have my doubts as to SS30's paternity. DH and BM and all of their siblings are very short. SS is about 6'3". DH and BM have dark hair and eyes. SS has blue eyes. SS was also conceived from quickie. They were not a couple. Yes my DH was STUPID - but nobody used condoms back then.

I don't bring it up. Doesn't really affect me. DH is doing the DNA test (23 and me) about his heritage. I just hope he doesn't suggest it to SS.

In this case curiosity killed the cat and by that I mean y'all decided to dig up an unnecessary truth. Does it suck? Of course! But you already knew it wouldn't change anything once you found out for sure. I think the disappointment you feel is because you had hopes something would change when realistically nothing was going to come of getting it done. I know a lot of my own exasperation in the beginnjng came from the hope BM would finally one day just man up and admit what she's done to us and how her consequences are from her own actions but it won't happen. Ever. These BM's have a different perspective than us, they see things the way they need to to keep their life the way they want. But I do wonder, now that you know she is not your DH's child, will you be able to keep that from the girl until her mom is ready to tell her the truth-which will probably be never, by the way! Can you handle the resentment that's going to come from those snide SD comments until she is 18 or BM tells her the truth? Personally I never would have tested knowing it wouldn't change anything, that a huge secret to burden you and to do it for someone you hate/loath is something I would never tempt.

That being said, I did initially pay for my DH to get SSthen8months tested. BM was nasty then and would say things to upset DH like "you only think he's yours" or crap like that to hurt him. We had just started talking then so I told him if I was going to get involved with him he needed his ducks in a row and there wasn't a snowballs chance in hell I was dealing with her if I didn't absolutely have to. He tested, repaid me quickly after, and SS is his. BM had the nerve to act offended when DH shut her down mid-threat with the results. The difference between my situation and yours is that 8months is still young and it was before custody or a judge got involved.

Simply disengage from the girl if she's rude to you, even if she was his bio.... you are not responsible for her.
Stop buying her things and stop paying her cell phone your DH should.

DH can inform BM, I'm not doing you any favors anymore, we will stick to CO, you will only get CS from me for this child and not a dime more. If you want more money do your own DNA testing and take me to court. I don't think a judge will be kind to BM.

I don't need DNA tests to know Aergia is not SO's.... it's a simple thing of blood groups not matching. SO still does not get it.... I'm not going to say anything, Aergia is almost 18... it's not my place to say anything and well he raised her, The father is not the one who gave the sperm it's the one who raised the kid

This guy just keeps getting shafted by BM over and over and he keeps taking it. It's past time for you to step away from this losing situation. You can still be married to him but let him carry the burdens and drama that he chose. If he feels he needs to drop everything for BM and raise all her children then let him do it, not you.

The relationship w/the sd is going to blow up once she finds out that DH is not her real father, and she will find out. I would avoid being the target for that drama by disengaging now because we all know that it will somehow be the wicked step mothers fault.

Personally I consider sticking a man with a child that is not his biologically to be fraud and should have major financial and criminal penalties involved for the woman. A woman knows if there is any chance that a child is not her husbands and should be legally required to step up in a proactive way and address the situation with her partner. If she fails to do that then the non-bio-dad/dad should be able to recoup every penny of cost incurred in supporting the child and the mother with penalties and interest, be able to assume immediate full custody, and the extorting BM should have to pay an insane amount of CS until that child is out of a doctorate program.

I have no tolerance for this crap and the fact that the courts not only tolerate this crap but facilitate it makes me want to puke.

Conversely.... a man should have to support his BKs... Period.

In the event he voluntarily chooses to accept a non related child as his own with full knowledge of the situation then and only then should he have any enforceable responsibility or obligation.

I understand that a whoring BM is not the kids fault but a man should not be forced to support a child that is not his. Particularly considering that the BM knows that she was whoring around when the child was conceived.

I am a bit sensitive to this since I could have easily been in this situation during my first marriage as my XW was pregnant by her geriatric fortune 500 executive sugar/baby daddy while we were still married and she was still in our marital home.... unbeknownst to me. Fortunately I am not a complete idiot and understand that 8mos of no sex would make me not the dad... had she even tried to stick me with her whoring activity spawn.