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20 year old step daughter is messy, lazy and has no direction

Java4278's picture

Submitted by Java4278 on Mon, 02/27/2017 - 9:45pm

My 20 year old step daughter wanted a fresh start to her life after high school. Her mother washed her hands of her when my husband's support checks stopped. My step daughter barely graduated from high school and had no plan for her life post high school. So she decided she wanted to go to a community college eat my husband and i. my husband and I agreed to bring her to live with us and help her with the direction of her life. We bought her a used car to go to college and to work, she has a job and goes to class but acts and conducts herself like a 10 year old. She is a good kid, but lacks motivation and direction. She lives in a fantasy world and thinks that her life should be an episode of Friends. Her room is a complete disaster and she is just lazy. She did well her first sememster, then that wore off and she barely passed her second year. Now she is short credits and will be living in my house until 2018. She has no plan for her life and I am starting to resent her. My husband and I have talked, threaten and tried to motivate. Nothing. She likes to tell people what they want to hear and never follows through on goals that she makes for herself. I am afraid she will never grow up. I want her out of my home and her my life back, any advise,.?

Comments

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Tue, 02/28/2017 - 1:24am

yes.... simply tell SD - seeing you are not coping in college it would be best for you to find a job, you have 60 days to evacuate this house, we are not longer going to look after you, you are an adult... cheers...

the only reason why she should still stay in your house, if she completes college with good marks, but age 21 she's out.

oh and all off this should come from her father not you.... you just have to make sure Daddy head in the sand is on board with your plan

BethAnne's picture

Submitted by BethAnne on Tue, 02/28/2017 - 9:07am

My experience of college is that most students have a dip in grades in the second year. The first year covers basics and goes over high school stuff to get everyone to the same place so most kids can just relax and not put too much effort in to do ok. Then second year the work steps up and gets harder but the kids still act like they did in the first year and put the same amount of effort in. Their grades drop (mine did...). Then if they want to pass the student learns their lessons and concentrates more on their course the third year.

I would not worry too much about her future plans, you two have provided her with a lot of help to go to college and you two have been trying to get her to think through what she wants to do next. You cannot really do anything else, she will sort it out for herself. Make sure she knows that she is to move out after college finishes (or whenever you and your husband decide on). Then it is up to her to work out the details. She may mess up and flownder for a bit, but she will work something out in the end.

It can be frustrating watching someone take the longer path around and ignore our advice, but they have to make their own mistakes and will have their own way of looking st and tackling life.