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Update to BULLY-TOWN

BSgoinon's picture

So, when I got home from work yesterday DD was in her room asleep... cuddling with a stuffed dog I got her for Valentines Day. I just LOVE this child.

I woke her and climbed in her bed with her. I just kind of let the conversation flow naturally. Since she was sleeping at 430 in the afternoon, it was a good seaway in to asking what is going on with her.

She ended up telling me that this boy, has for a few months, just been making rude comments to her. Such as "no one cares about you, you should just go die" all the way to "go kill yourself, no one would notice". I asked her if anything had happened that would trigger such nasty comments from him. She said "No, I used to think that he just thought he was being funny. But it is starting to really hurt my feelings". So there was no conflict, no admission of crushes... nothing. Just out of no where he started making these comments. She also said that the only time they have ever had a conversation, it wasn't even a REAL conversation, it was only eye contact when ANOTHER kid (a little girl) was making fun of an autistic kid in class. She said that she heard it (the girl was sitting next to her) and looked up, and this kid was just staring at this girl (the one doing the bullying toward the autistic child) with a disgusted look on his face. He noticed DD was basically giving her the same look, they both looked at each other, shook their heads and my DD told the girl to knock it off. So, it almost seemed like the kid had a little compassion toward another child that was being bullied, but then turns and does it to DD. It doesn't make sense. I asked her if she would be ok with me taking this to the principal. Knowing full well that I was going to anyway, she said "yes, I didn't say anything because I didn't want to make it worse, but I understand that you have to". I asked her why she didn't come to me with this sooner and she said "because he is just an idiot, and I didn't want to make it worse, or ever give him any attention. But it's time to say something". Apparently no one defended DD when this was being said, but no one encouraged it either. She said it was like everyone ignored him.

So I went and spoke with the Principal. He was very understanding and took a lot of notes. He wants to speak with DD and then with the boy. He assured me that when he speaks with the boy he will tell him that the comments were overheard, and not brought to his attention by DD herself. He said "I am not an advocate of lying, but we also want to keep everyone safe and comfortable". He asked me if DD was seeing any kind of a counselor and offered the school therapist. I let him know that we had an appt with our regular Doctor. He said the offer stands if we need it. I will leave it up to DD if she wants to see that one, or the private one. I think she will choose private so kids at school won't see her going in to the office. I thanked him for his time and asked him to keep me posted so I know how to address DD when we get home tonight.

Over all, I think it went well. My little DD, she has been through so much this year. I just want to squeeze her.

Thank you everyone for your advice and concern. It means a lot to me to have this group to run to when I feel helpless.

Comments

Stepped in what momma's picture

Good, I am glad you were able to get to the bottom of this and already got to speak to the principal. I hope you see speedy results and the little boy doesn't need to be added at a later date to a hit list. Wink

BSgoinon's picture

You better believe I was in that office as soon as the doors unlocked this morning. Principal hadn't even gotten his coffee yet. Today, I was THAT mom.

momjeans's picture

Oh, this hurts my heart. I just want to reach out and hug your daughter too. Glad to hear she's on-board with some sort of resolution.

BSgoinon's picture

For sure. I don't think this kid is her only source of depression. Not at all. She's had a rough year or more and he's only been doing this for a few months.

robin333's picture

GOOD. You needed to be "that Mom". It's positive that she is able to be open with you. Sounds like you handled it with love and grace.

WalkOnBy's picture

So, this kid is an asshole as well as a bully and the other kids know that, too.

I think that your DD handled it well - she just sloughed it off until she could no longer do that. Good for her. I also think that the other issues going on with her are more important than what this kid said to her, but the comment may have been the straw that pushed over the "I will handle this myself" edge.

She knows the kid is a jerk, she knows that everyone else thinks he's a jerk - I think it's safe to assume that this kid is not the cause of her depression, just as you suspected.

Good job, mama!!!

WalkOnBy's picture

don't you have innocent bridge crossers to harass?

Be gone...you have no power here

WalkOnBy's picture

lol

BSgoinon's picture

Troll, boy does your username suit you. I'm not sure what you intend to accomplish by posting responses like this, but whatever it is, won't work with me. Have a nice day.

BSgoinon's picture

Thank you everyone for your kind words and thoughts. DD has always been mature for her age (almost to a fault) I have a lot of faith that she is going to pull through this like a champ.

Acratopotes's picture

DD is one clever cookie, give her a hug..... I would be the bad mum in this tale, I will walk up to the little shit and tell him... I know you are deeply madly in love with my daughter but silly silly boy... this is not how you are going to get her to date you so stop being an idiot and start bringing flowers and chocolates you cheap ass punk...

I will do this in front of his friends Blum 3 also I will teach my daughter to say to him... after he made this stupid comments.... and if I die who's going to entertain you, who's going to love you.... or hey stupid, if you want to go on a date with me just ask me out like a normal person, I don't speak stupid... and every time aloud for every one to hear.. or she can simply reply to him.. yes yes yes John I get it you love me... I don't love you in that way