You are here

Gobsmacked.

PaisleyMoonbeam's picture

:jawdrop:

I'm a bio mother of adult sons that have long launched into the atmosphere, am married to a wonderful man who has 2 college age children of his own, a son, 22, who is going to school out of state and a daughter, 19, who is also in college about 3 hours away.
We're empty nesters as his children no longer exercise the every other week custody schedule that they had always had while they were growing up and now stay with their mother exclusively when home on breaks, only showing their faces when it's time for him to write the next tuition check,for them to collect gifts on holidays or when they want something in general. They rarely call their father to ask how he's doing and only respond to his texts or voicemails when there's something that they need and while it makes him a little sad that they do this, he explains it away that they're 'just busy'...
His daughter has hated me since Day 1 and for whatever reason has always viewed me as competition for her father's attention. She has stolen, lied, sabotaged, and still does whatever it is that she feels that it will take to try to cause drama because she just can't stand that her father finally moved on with his life after her mother ran off with his friend and married him, 6 years before I even met my husband, but to hear her tell it, I tore their marriage apart with my own 2 hands.
Because she has a flair for drama and loves to embellish things, I completely disengaged about 4 years ago after one particularly ugly yet unsuccessful attempt of hers to try to send me packing that instead sent her running home to her permissive best friend and mother for good. I see her on holidays, although I never engage her in conversation because, whatever it is, it is of no concern of mine. Not a word in 4 years.I chose to not attend her high school graduation nor help host a party celebrating the occasion as I had for her older brother. No Christmas gifts from me. Nothing.
My husband is stuck in a difficult place in the middle, bless his heart and he tries to make us both happy. He knows who I am as a person and he sees that I did try with her for several years before I threw in the towel and went on the offense with her. He gets it and doesn't force the issue. He also sees the drama that she is always trying to create, is weary of it and he has let her know on numerous occasions that we are partners in every sense and her opinion isn't going to change that, because, when it comes down to it, it's just us every day and she's off doing her own thing. She agrees with him, things are quiet for a few months, then she fabricates another reason to throw me under the bus and villianize me yet again, as I have taken on the human embodiment of all bad things in her life and her go-to scapegoat when something doesn't go her way...

My husband suddenly fell ill a few weeks back and was admitted into the hospital for 13 days, 8 of them in the ICU with feeding tubes and oxygen and he just got released the other day. He has a long road to full recovery and has a diagnosis that will affect his life forever. Because of her flair for the dramatic, my husband requested that I share his health updates only with his dad, who would then contact his children with any information that he chose to divulge or not at his discretion. I took a leave from my job, was at his bedside for 12+ hours every single day, plus caring for our pets and home as well as accepting caregiver duties for my husband afterwards. Part of my job description under the sickness and health clause...
I get a text message the other day from my son's fiance who told me that my husband's daughter posted on her social media (and I quote) " The fact that my father has been in the hospital a month and his wife is too petty to tell me just kills me "
plus a screen shot with comments underneath by her and her friends calling me a 'f'king C*nt'. So I texted her and called her out on it to set her straight. I let her know that her father's illness wasn't about her and to post on social media about it for attention was kind of pathetic, that 13 days isn't quite a month and that I don't owe her anything except my foot in her ass, much less a phone call so she needs to channel that anger onto someone who owes her that loyalty, because I'm not that person.
She told me that if I cared about her father, I would be supporting his daughter.
I'm not exactly sure what she felt she needed support for. I was the one sitting at his bedside, holding his hand and advocating his care all day every day, coming home to sleep, shower and feed the dog and do it all again. She never called once until Day 11 when she called to question him where her Valentine gift was as she had not yet gotten it and he told her that he was in the hospital and didn't get a chance. That's when she went on her Twitter rant about how horrible I am, keeping it from her for a whole month.
I just can't with this child.
I don't feel that I've done anything wrong. Is there something that I'm clearly missing?

Comments

DaizyDuke's picture

She needs to be angry with her grandfather or her dad, you were only abiding by your husbands wishes.

But honestly who cares what she thinks? She sounds like a petulant 4 year old and who cares what her loser, idiotic friends think either. YOU know the truth.

Stepped in what momma's picture

She did what her DH told her to do so what is the problem?
You're letting something from your own life make you skip over the fact that the OP's H told wife to let his father know details and then he could decide who to tell. Skid should be mad at granddaddy.

Stepped in what momma's picture

No what you are saying is that OP should have told her DH is screw himself that she would call whoever she wanted and tell them he was sick. Screw what he wants, it only matters what step kid wants.

TwoOfUs's picture

She never said the skid shouldn't be notified. Her DH asked her to allow grandpa to communicate with the skid. For all she knew, skid was totally kept up-to-date.

TwoOfUs's picture

lol.

Wy should she hope for that? Doesn't sound like her DH is likely to betray her the way your dad betrayed his wife, so I think she's good either way.

PaisleyMoonbeam's picture

I honestly didn't think about his daughter or how she would blame me. My focus was entirely on my husband. When he fell ill, my father-in-law was actually away visiting friends in Florida, so I texted my husband's son to let someone know. His response was (and I quote) "I hope he recovers". No interest or concern at all. He could have texted his sister and let her know if he chose to, but he didn't, and a few days later, my husband's father returned and I gave him updates, morning and night to share with whomever he chose to. I never told him not to tell her. I just didn't want to be the one to have to do it and deal with her. I kind of felt damned if I do/damned if I don't. If I DID call her, I'd have been accused of trying to get her upset while she's away at school and I'm also the bad guy for NOT calling. Can't win.

DaizyDuke's picture

You're comparing apples to candy canes. Your SM just couldn't be bothered to get ahold of you. This SM was explicitly following the instructions of her DH. If the skids want to be mad, they should be mad with their father or grandfather for not keeping them in the loop.

Stepped in what momma's picture

I hope karma smacks you in the face for this one day:
When she got sick WE made the decisions for her since dad was devastated and her dd lived out of town. We picked the nursing home she went to and died at. I didn't give her more thought than she gave us.

You're a special sick kind of Troll.

PaisleyMoonbeam's picture

I have 3 older sons who can be counted on to make decisions on my behalf if my husband wasn't able to. They know my wishes and I'm very confident that they will allow her to play no part in it when my time comes.

Stepped in what momma's picture

The point of the quote rolled completely over the top of your head. Rest well at night because one day the karma bus will hit you and you will think about this day, in the chat room with the mean predator that said bad things to you.

Stepped in what momma's picture

Burn.

Taris's picture

It doesn't mean what she is saying isn't true. I could see sd doing this to me. I'm going to make sure my ds gets to make my end of life decisions. I'll be damned if i will let this happen to me.

Taris's picture

I don't know if troll is real or not but you can ban people from hospitals and nursing homes. That part is true.

Taris's picture

You can let the hospital and nursing home know who is allowed and who isn't allowed to see the patient. Maybe that is what she means.

Taris's picture

Excuse me but I posted on other threads yesterday. How horrible of me to post explaining something someone had wrong. Why don't you take your FAKE ASS self and get back in your own damn lane!

Taris's picture

I apologize for responding to a post Troll commented on. I realize now that correcting someone leads to harassment and being called fake.

Taris's picture

So by clicking on a comment from the box on the left makes me watch this blog like a hawk? You need some help.

TwoOfUs's picture

lol.

Everything about this girl screams entitlement and disrespect. OP - I am glad you are basically rid of her. Don't let her draw you back into her mess.

TwoOfUs's picture

Yeah. That "support" thing goes both ways.

And, Troll, while I agree with you that you shouldn't have found that out via Facebook...your SM and your Dad were married. She has the right...and, in fact, the responsibility, to be the one with him and make decisions regarding his care. That's the kind of thing you entrust to your SO when you enter into a marriage contract. I definitely think she should have called before posting to social media, even if it was a minor attack...but I do understand her being tired after a medical emergency...and a lot of people don't think about FB / posting etiquette in these situations. Perhaps you should have had a little empathy and actually have been GLAD that someone who cared about your dad and loved him was with him when the attack happened. Without SM, who knows if he would have gotten to the hospital or made it through the heart attack. Just something to think about.

The fact that HE delegated that responsibility for care to you, his children, when she needed him was a completely disgusting betrayal on his part.

zerostepdrama's picture

I think you did what you felt was right and you followed your DH's wishes. At the end of the day, that is the bottom line. You did what your DH wanted.

With that being said... I am a SD and my dad is currently in the hospital and very sick and I couldn't imagine my SM not telling me what was going on with my dad. From reading your blog, I do have a very different relationship with my SM and dad then your skid has with you and your DH. So of course that does make the situations different.

I have wondered, if my DH was sick, to what extent would I involve his kids who I don't get along with and who would probably cause me more stress in an already stressful time. Would I want to have to update them and deal with all of their questions and help them navigate everything, etc.?

Hopefully this will be a wake up call for SD to be more involved in her dad's life.

I know my sister and I are very grateful for my SM being there for my dad as we are 6 hours away and can't get there until later this week.

CLove's picture

From reading your story and reading about the comments, I would deduce that SD was acting out of fear - fear that her presents would stop arriving. Fear of being on her own with out Dear Dad that she only contacts when it is convenient, when she is in need. I am so sorry that you are going through this, it must be horrible to see your beloved DH so ill and know what is in store for the remainder of his time.

And those comments she made - so so immature.
It makes me sad - sad for the future of the human population if this is what we have come to in this country of ours, in this civilization of ours. What a luxury to be able to post one's opinion on social media without getting killed, or beaten, and to have folks actually support you in berating and vilifying another woman whom you hate.
Selfish and sordid. This teen daughter of his, hopefully when she grows up will change...but people don't normally change, they are pretty set by this time.

Sending you my prayers...and may his SD19 find some kind of magic intelligence bean.

TwoOfUs's picture

I wish her 3 magic beans.

A magic intelligence bean

A magic kindness and empathy bean

& A magic swift kick in the rear bean

CLove's picture

Thanks Granny. I have a nice tribe of women where I live that are very supportive of each other. And I feel like we should all "just be THAT way, whats the deal?" Unfortunately, female children learn how to be women from their mothers, for the most part. And woe to them that are raised by a mean, selfish, narcissistic female. These qualities just get passed down through the generations, and the entitlement grows exponentially.

zerostepdrama's picture

100% OSD

ESMOD's picture

I would have texted the following:

" I saw your post on facebook. Just to set the record straight, your FATHER asked me not to tell anyone except HIS father and that HIS FATHER would be in charge of giving out information. I had nothing to do with that, I'm sorry that you weren't told. Guess you need to take this up with your dad or Grandpa as I had nothing to do with the decision and it was his choice not mine."

PaisleyMoonbeam's picture

My son's fiance saw it on Twitter as she follows her. She showed me when she drove an hour and a half to bring my dog back home with her. I was livid, over tired and had no filter. I said a lot of things to her that I had held back for years and she had quite a bit to say to me herself. Holiday gatherings just got a little more interesting. Dirol

hereiam's picture

You didn't do anything wrong, you were just doing as your husband asked.

I wonder when your FIL told your step kids that their dad was in the hospital? Not that it matters but she made it sound like she just found out so, just curious.

When my DH had a heart attack, he did not want me to call his family, not even his daughters, so I didn't (his parents had already passed). He called them himself after he came home from the hospital. What any of them thought about that, I don't really care.

Had he wanted me to call, I would have. Otherwise, I don't owe them anything, my loyalty is to my husband.

oneoffour's picture

My answer to her would be "I am sorry if you feel I ignored you. However if you had made a weekly call to your father and seen him more than when you needed something then I would have felt it was right to reach out and let you know. However as you obviously are very concerned about your Dad please call me so I can give you his diagnosis and the long term effects on his life and how you can help him out. Either we get along or you miss out. Your choice. And I am not the enemy. That would be someone else. I look forward to your call."
BAM! Right back in her court.

Acratopotes's picture

blow her off, you owe this girl nothing.... why is it your fault?

I'm a evil SM, I probably would've replied on her FB - and if you loved your father you would've known but you only show your face when you want money... by the way... fathers do not send adult daughters valentine gifts, get a boyfriend he's my husband....

simply block her on social media OP, what you can't see will not hurt you, let her go around say what ever she wants to say, you know the truth, DH knows the truth why worry what other people think...

Hope Dh is doing better and enjoy the empty nest... cut off the brats and live your life

Rags's picture

"SD, I did not inform you because your father specifically instructed me to only discuss his illness with his own father who would appropriately notify anyone else who needed to know. If you want more information.... call your grandfather."

End of discussion.

PaisleyMoonbeam's picture

She hasn't called him to inquire about how he feels since. It will be one week tomorrow. If she was that concerned, you'd think she'd take 5 minutes out of her busy day at college ( that he pays for 100% with no help from them or their mother) to check in on him...
The silence speaks volumes.

CLove's picture

She sounds VERY immature and emotionally stunted. She hopefully is feeling a modicum of guilt.

Or she is partying her butt off, to forget all the kerfluffle...