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Step son stealing my bras/underwear/clothes to dress up?!

Katie Step Mom 2017's picture

This is very sad and disturbing but I need some advice and help. I was vacuuming and cleaning my step sons closet today and saw an expensive face lotion of mine on the floor of his closet toward the back. It was so strange because that lotion just disappeared one day and I just couldn't understand why it was in my step sons closet. Then I saw a pink fabric sticking out of a suitcase in the back of his closet. I opened it the auitcaae and there was literally 5 of my bras, multiple lace panties, dresses, tank tops.. all my things that have gone missing. And a wig.. yes a wig !! One of the bras was a sport bra with pad inserts and he had shoved beanie hats in each boob to stuff the bra. I am so disturbed that these things were in there. There was also an empty container of astro glide mixed in the stuff...
I confronted him with his dad and he has said that he doesn't know why but from time to time has the urge to wear women's clothes. It's just so odd to me and I feel so violated and scared.
Please please please if you know anything about this, if you can explain it and make me feel like it is at all somewhat normal, I would appreciate it. I've read some streams on random sites and people are saying they have caught their sons and stepsons in similar situations. I am still so worried and wonder if it is safe for me and my 6 month old baby to live here anymore?

Monchichi's picture

Katie, there is nothing wrong with it. Underwear fetishism is a sexual fetishism relating to undergarments. It is not about you nor about your having worn it. It is literally where men/ young men/ teens are turned on by wearing women's under garments. Your SS is a perfectly healthy young teen.

My brother has it and he is a functioning, hard working adult with a wife and two children. I repeat it has nothing to do with you and it is not abnormal. Give the kid a break and I suggest letting him get his own under wear. Shaming him is not the answer, accepting it and not making it in to a thing is the best route I can advise.

Stepped in what momma's picture

Uh,there is nothing wrong with a fetish but stealing is a huge problem.
And you are assuming that skid outlined the truth (dressing up), but he could be lying and using the clothes for masturbation because she did wear the clothing.

Acratopotes's picture

At least your SS told you he likes wearing woman's cloths, and unfortunately you are the only woman in the house,
Deal with the taking of stuff that does not belong to him, not with his fetish...

He should know it's wrong, then simply trash that cloths... he can keep the tank tops, but the bra's and Panties to be trashed, lock your room from now on and tell DH to take his son pantie shopping.

Rags's picture

Give the clear message that his penchant for lady's knickers is not an issue but stealing your personal belongings is. Two different things that unfortunately intersect at your lingerie drawer.

Tell him he can buy his own frilly things and if he gets a job to pay for it he can go on a shopping trip... (online is fine)... give him the very clear message that if he ever again takes your belongings he will have to deal with the police with all of the embarrassment regarding his lady's knickers fetish that entails.

I believe that these actually are two different topics. One is theft, the other is his personal interest. Support him on the latter (help him work through his feelings on it) and apply consequences for the former.

Stepped in what momma's picture

If they were her own kids she wouldn't probably have an issue paying but I am with her, and I am not spending my money to buy a skid underwear, fetish or no fetish.

Stepped in what momma's picture

So next he can steal a $20 out her purse to experiment with drugs? So it is okay to steal as long as you are experimenting? Good to know.

Stepped in what momma's picture

I'm not buying it because it does matter if you take something that is not yours and it matters regardless if you think the person you are stealing from doesn't need, use or want said item.

Its like a girl skid taking a pair of earrings from your jewelry box and telling you that she thought it was okay because she took them 2 months ago and you just now noticed, you must not have wanted them because they were in your jewelry box not being worn and obviously you have too many pairs of earrings. Stealing is stealing.

With the internet and one million chat rooms you cannot tell me kid had no place to turn to ask questions. Bruce Jenner/Caitlyn has been on the front of 50 magazines talking about this same issue, it is everywhere but is still not a reason to steal.

Stepped in what momma's picture

Chat rooms like..... like this one??
Not all chat rooms have trolls or predators.
Wait.... except this one has YOU.

Stepped in what momma's picture

What are you saying now Milo?? Are you suggesting that transgender people are more likely to be a predator than a straight person? Boy the dumb coming off of you is special smell.

Stepped in what momma's picture

Hey idiot --I think you were trying to say "you're an idiot" and yes, they are two totally different things but neither of them make you a predator.

Katie Step Mom 2017's picture

We confronted him and asked him why he did it. He said he doesn't know why but he has the urge to dress up as a woman from time to time. We told him it isn't ok to steal my things.. or other people's things. He admitted to taking bras and skirts from friends sisters also. What's so confusing to me is I cannot tell if this is a cross dressing thing or a sexual "I want girls belongings" thing. There were bottles of my face lotion and Astro glide lubricant in this collection also. Both of us were so shocked and worried, no punishment toook place. I didn't want to make it any worse than it already was.. I am honestly just concerned for my safety and my baby girls safety. It's just really hard for me to live with him right now when I know he was up close with my most private things.

Stepped in what momma's picture

TROLL- it isn't the masturbation part that is an issue. She never mentioned masturbation.

Stepped in what momma's picture

OP didn't say she wanted to move out with her daughter bc the kid is masturbating. She said she wanted to move out because he likes dressing in women's clothing, he stole her stuff and was using it, she feels violated. She did not say she wanted to move out because she found out the kid was masturbating.

Katie Step Mom 2017's picture

I was asking others if they thought this behavior should make me concerned… I was asking for advice… I am concerned and was not sure if I was overreacting or not… I am picking up my daughter after work tonight and staying with my parents for a while by the way. I'm not sure why this unfortunate situation that has happened has you so upset? If my daughter steals family members underwear and I find her doing that… Yes I would be concerned about her as well

Katie Step Mom 2017's picture

Troll- I am saying it was incredibly creepy to find a hidden collection of my private things in his room. My bras, underwear, clothes, face creams, shoes, hair brush etc. I never said him having Astro glide was the concern… But I think any normal person would be extremely creeped out to find their dirty underwear in their step sons room along with lubricant… He's allowed to masturbate… but not to his stepmother's underwear! Go find a playboy magazine or something else to look at leave me out of it! I am not wrong for feeling uncomfortable in my own house… He admitted to stealing other young girls clothing as well. Something is not right

Acratopotes's picture

Katie - there's no need for concern, SS simply stole some of your belongings, he's not going to attack you or your baby girl Hon. The kid might be a cross dresser, or he might be going through a phase of curiosity, how does it feel to wear panties, how fast can I un hook a bra... he's a boy not a pervert.

At least you know what he did, you talked to him and he said he likes some times dressing as a woman, but he needs to understand not to steal..... he should rather ask.

To me this is no big deal, as long as he gets it, stay out of other people's belongings, buy your own ... you've got nothing to fear Hon.

Skullface's picture

Hi Katie! I think for his age, it's normal to act like that. But stealing isn't ordinary, I guess. A one-to-one talk could be beneficial for this situation. It can sound strange. You could tell him rather ask for it instead of stealing. If, after all that situation with the stolen clothing and underwear, you struggle with your clothes. You could check https://shop.join-eby.com for new brand stuff. I wish that I could be able to help you with your situation. Good luck with your stepson!

Miss T's picture

1.  He's stealing your things and using them as masturbation aids. Of course you're disgusted, and you should raise hell about it. He has no business satisfying his sexual urges with your belongings regardless of his curiousity, compulsions, etc. Require that he buy his own fetish gear. He needs to fund his own damn weirdness. If he gets caught shoplifting this stuff, that's his problem. Do not "help" him pay for, shop for, or select clothing or toiletries typically used by women. Your doing so will feed into his sexual fantasies, which you emphatically do not want to do. It's bad enough he's going behind your back to jack off in your underwear. You don't need to encourage him by taking an active role. 

2. It's unlikely but not out of the question that other children in the house are in jeopardy. I'd keep an eye on them, and don't leave them alone with him. I promise he will show himself to them in full drag if he has the opportunity.

3. Look into blocking software for your internet router. You want to restrict access to porn sites and "feminization" sites, also chat sites that will egg him on and feed his compulsion. Cisco Umbrella is a good, free one.

4. This isn't an isolated curiousity thing. It isn't going to stop and may well escalate. He's stolen clothes from you and one other female that you're aware of. Trust me--there are more. This particular fetish is a lifelong compulsion for these guys  It starts early and seems to be hard-wired, thus the common belief against all evidence that "I am actually a girl/woman." I wouldn't shame him--he has little control over it--but I certainly wouldn't go along with him when he suggests that perhaps he really is female. At some point he will go there. I would be neutral to casually dismissive. Quietly insist on the truth--he is a normal male with a strong sexual drive and off-kilter sexual interests. Benign neglect is the best approach, but rain hell on him each and every time he "borrows" or outright steals your things. He's excited by violating your boundaries and masturbating to the turn-on. That's just creepy.

 

Loxy's picture

If you look at the comments on here, as well as online, is it any wonder your SS hid the stuff? I'm not condoning him taking your personal items, however that aside (and it should be dealt with separately) there is enormous shame and vilification attached to anything that people don't view as mainstream. Your SS probably feels ashamed enough as it is of his sexual desires (even though he shouldn't) and very isloated as he likely can't talk to his mates unless they are open-minded but most teenagers aren't. Your horrified reaction would have exacerabted that shame and isloation. 

Wanting to dress in woman's clothes does not make him a danger to you or anyone else and it's grossly ignorant to think otherwise. I suggest you educate yourself and try to show your SS empathy and support. 

EveryoneLies's picture

Wanting to dress in women's clothing doesn't make him a danger I agree. Stealing, especially from the stepmom however makes it really hard for me to be accepting. If he fund his own fetish that would have been fine (weird but fine). 
He could be stealing just because it's easy access, but there are other possible reasos that are more problematic. (I don't think I need to spell out). Just the thought of stepson going into my closet to get those things will get me very uncomfortable. 
 

And stealing is just wrong.