W or L...not sure?
Long story as short as possibly: BM is a repeat/relapsing prescription drug addict. Seven weeks ago she was kicked out of her home for abusing pills/cough syrup. Since then, she has been through detox & trying really hard to work with DH & I on co-parenting HCSS. In years past, BM & DH have struggled to work together. HCSS picked up on the division quickly and has used it to manipulate his parents in every way possible, always making himself the victim of every situation he creates.
This past wknd was the first time skids have been to BM's for visitation since Christmas. BM called yesterday and said she was bringing skids home early because SS lied to her about her husband, SD was giving her attitude and she would not tolerate it. She also said they don't have to visit, if this was how they were going to treat her. DH & I were not home, but skids were left at our home by BM (they are 15 & 14). While I feel like it was a win in a sense...BM actually saw the issues & didn't try to act as though skids were innocent angels, I also feel like it's a lose. DH & I sorely need the time without skids. HCSS has caused extreme stress in our home as well. With him living with us FT, without any visitations since Christmas, it's been extremely hard. Obviously we can't force BM to take her visitations. I really wish I could find a weekend boarding school or something of the sort!
High Conflict Step Son - HCSS
High Conflict Step Son - HCSS
That sounds like a great
That sounds like a great idea. I will look into that. Thanks!
We had great success with
We had great success with Care dot com. Lots of very qualified people there - often professional teachers, college students working on advanced degrees, etc.
Thank you! I've looked into
Thank you! I've looked into military/bootcamps in the past but getting BM & DH on board has yet to happen. I am willing to take any short term temporary relief I can at this point.
seeing BM is not involved and
seeing BM is not involved and does not want to be involved... maybe DH can step up the parenting side of his live and get drill Sargent on their asses....?
There's no BM to run to and to scream at DH..... when he punish the little snow flakes.
I wish! DH is so
I wish! DH is so inconsistent with discipline/consequences it's unreal! BM & DH are the root issue of Ss and all his problems/manipulation. I got so tired of fighting about Ss with DH I'm 98.5% disengaged from him. The only time I intervene is if Ss's actions/behavior effect me. I did make a snarky comment last night...Ss said he was dropping out of school, @ 14y/o I think not, and would live in a tent somewhere...my response "When you are arrested for squatting, make sure to tell to BM & DH and let them know which cell # you are in so they can write to you". On a serious note, I've told BM (when she's sober) and DH if they don't get their shit together with Ss, they will be visiting him in jail/prison when he's 18y/o. I've also told DH my income will not be used to support jailbirds.
"I've also told DH my income
"I've also told DH my income will not be used to support jailbirds."
change this... my income will no longer be available to jail bird in training who has no respect for me or my house
then simply stop
^^^^^^^ Love it!
^^^^^^^
Love it!
We learned during our 16+
We learned during our 16+ year life under a CO that the only real advantage that the NCP has is that though they may have CO'd visitation.... they don't have to take that visitation and if they choose not to take it.... there is little the CP can do.
In our case this did not cause much issue as we were the CP household and having longer gaps between NCP visitation minimized the Skid behavioral degradation associated with the ramp up to a SpermClan visitation and the post visitation detox that we had to deal with following a SpermClan visitation.
Your Skids learning to be assertive with their BM is in large part a positive thing IMHO. I am sure the Skid's have seen it all and heard it all before from their addict mother. Certainly being disrespectful or dishonest is not acceptable and should be dealt with but confronting their mother is not a bad thing overall IMHO.
Over the years my SS gained the confidence to do the same with his SpermClan and ultimately would not tolerate their manipulative crap when he got into his teens. What BM is labeling as disrespectful and dishonest should be taken with a grain of salt IMHO. It very well may be that it is two teens who are growing in confidence calling their BM out on her historical behaviors and actions that the kids are no longer willing to tolerate.
Generally I would classify this current situation as a qualified win. BM is currently working on her issues, the Skid's may be calling her on her crap, and BM is gaining clarity that the kids are not without their behavioral issues that she is experiencing for herself. You and DH will get your Skid free time in a few years when these teens launch.
As the song says "Its getting better all of the time".
It is "Getting better all the
It is "Getting better all the time" in some areas. I do take EVERYthing from BM with a grain of salt. I don't believe Sd was as disrespectful as BM made her out to be. I think Sd was intolerant of BM & Ss, as they both are HCP and Sd has (like me) had her fill of it lately. Everywhere we turn Ss is causing an issue: school, our home, BM's home. I understand Sd's frustration, BM does not. I am trying to have empathy for BM, while she is trying to stay sober and parent her children, Sd is not. Ss is just in another world all together and that is clearly an issue BM & DH have caused and the two of them have to rectify, I withdrew from that battle a while back. I only want peace between myself & DH. It turns my stomach to watch Ss manipulate DH, but recently there have been times that DH isn't manipulated by Ss and I am encouraged. It's keeping BM sober & DH consistent that's hard. BUT if that happens, Ss is in for a bumpy ride...his life is about to be flipped upside down.