How would you feel if.....
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So my husband and I have a 9 month old son together and he has a 10 year old son with another woman.
There have been times where he would say our son looks like my step son when he was a baby.
My step son looks more like his bio mom to me, so when my husband says that ot really pisses me off.
The first time he said it I got upset..the next couple tomes I just smiled and nodded and said oh I guess there are some similarities (like the traits the boys got from him.)
I want to be mature and not take it the wrong way, how would you feel?
My son does look like my
My son does look like my SS...a lot. In fact we first noticed their resemblances on my bs's 4D sonogram picture and when he was a newborn. They both had the same nose, chubby cheeks and forehead shape. Now they look even more a like because of hair and eye color. I don't know why you're upset about it. I thought it was comical. BM likes of post pictures of herself and SS side by side and hashtag the pictures as her clone and twin but when I look at SS I just see him. I don't compare him to DH or BM; he's just him with his own personality. To me, it's just another link in their relationship that will help them bond as brothers since SS's life is split in half.
You being upset by this is irrational and you might want to think about seeing a counselor to find out why something so little bothers you so much. You might be fixating your dislike/hate for BM on to your SS just because he shares some of her features. Many people her dislike their skids but it's because they act terrible.
I would feel weirded out,
I would feel weirded out, given that skid looks more like BM than DH. I could totally see my DH saying this in front of skid early on in our relationship, though, if only to boost her ego/feelings or whatever. Thank goodness he didn't because I'm sure the look on my face would have been priceless.
It's things like this I'm happy to have blonde hair, blue eyed children. Total opposite of skid, and our 3 year old BD is a mini DH, actually.
What's truly bizarre to me - BIL's daughter was a spitting image of skid when she was an infant. I privately pointed that out several times to DH. He didn't "see" it. Hahahaha.
Thanks alot for all your
Thanks alot for all your input everyone!
It has been quite a journey being a first time mom AND step mom at the same time! we have full custody of step son and his mom isn't exactly the nicest person. But I treat my step son like my own and love him. I know this may seem trivial to some people and I don't feel good about being annoyed by it either. I'm just sharing in hopes to get some support from other step parents who can empower me instead of patronize me like tell me I need counselling. I'm trying my best to handle it well, hence I only got upset the first tome and now I have changed how I react. I am only human
It is the trivial stuff that
It is the trivial stuff that trips us up. We may know rationally that of course siblings should look similar but we cannot help out own jealousies and insecurities that those types of comments bring up. It is always useful to remember that our feelings are never wrong, it is only when we act on our feelings in unproductive ways that things start to get messy. Come and vent here when you need to so that you can get your feelings out without blowing up in your husband for making a natural comparison.
thank you so much
thank you so much
I guess i ahould be more
I guess i ahould be more confident in my relatio ship and not think that it has anything to dp with remembering his ex.
Thanks for your input everyone you guys really hwlped put things into perspeftive for me!
In general terms biologically
In general terms biologically babies tend to look more like their dad when they are infants and toddlers. This is to lock in dad's commitment to the child... biologically speaking.
So... that being considered..... your DS and your SS probably both favored their father in their infancy/toddler stages.
You can feel however you want about your DH's comments that your DS and the elder half sib looking alike.
Feelings aside... they probably do look similarly. They share a father.
Interestingly my kid (former SS now adopted) looks just like both his mom and his BioDad. However, when he and I are together we get told frequently that we look alike. We just smile and say thanks and give each other a wink.
For sure I get told all of the time that he is just like me..... so... though I have no biological participation as far as my son's existence is concerned apparently... he is just like me.