mama2392's picture

Ex bio mother from hell wants me to watch her kids

Posted here before but got an update.. My partners work roster has changed recently and he would normally get kids on Monday till Monday but now his roster starts Wednesday till Wednesday having the kids ...

He told his ex and she's threatening to leave town with the kids, saying I have to be the one to pick them up and look after them on Monday and Tuesday but I have 4 kids of my own ..

My partner has said he will have to throw his job because I am refusing to take them while he is at work. They aren't my responsibility as awful as it sounds

And she expects me to just drop everything and look after her children. My partner has asked me to do it for him but I feel like I'm being taken advantage of.

Yogaguru's picture

If my husband threatened to

If my husband threatened to quit his job bc I won't babysit his kids he'd be my ex. That's incredibly short-sighted and stupid. I hope you see his thought process and do some soul searching. So if he quits his job how does he support himself, his kids, or satisfy his other obligations? Why is that the only option? Is there no trusted person, outside of yourself, that he can call? What would the parents of those children do if you weren't available?

Acratopotes's picture

Stand your ground - your BF's

Stand your ground - your BF's kids have 2 parents, him and BM, if the one can not look after them the other should be, it's not your responsibility.....

read my comment on your prior blog Hon, I still say do not get married to this man and do not urn into a free nanny for him and BM

Blended family life turned me into a pirate....
All I want to do is drink Rum and stab people

mama2392's picture

He stood up to her and said

He stood up to her and said no it doesnt work for us so deal with it basically and she's threatening now to take off with the kids so looks more and more like we will end up in family court

mama2392's picture

It technically won't even be

It technically won't even be "his time" with the kids with the new roster so really she has to deal with it I guess. She said she will go him for child support but with his roster its still 50/50 so she has no legal grounds ... Where we live if its 50/50 nobody pays cs

Yogaguru's picture

Court will give you a

Court will give you a framework and boundaries. It can be expensive and scary but at some point those two need to hammer it out.

mama2392's picture

She sent him a SMS saying

She sent him a SMS saying "you're never seeing the kids again" ugh

DanielleR's picture

Keep that safe for court.

Keep that safe for court. Judges don't like threats like that

twoviewpoints's picture

Well, just because Dad's work

Well, just because Dad's work schedule changed, doesn't automatically mean the parenting schedule changes. It also doesn't mean YOU have the kids the Monday and Tuesday, either.

Unless the CO parenting time is changed, Monday to Monday is still Dad's time. He may have to look for daycare on those days. Babysitter or daycare is Mom's problem on Mom's time and Dad's problem on Dad's time. At neither time is it YOUR problem.

BM can threaten all she pleases, look in the CO and see what it says about BM and/or Dad moving away. A well written CO usually addresses moves, how far, blah blah.

DanielleR's picture

Yep. Not sure why either of

Yep. Not sure why either of these parents struggle so much with the concept of daycare. Well I guess it is an Issue when you are use to having your own personal slave/nanny

Acratopotes's picture

why would you pay for

why would you pay for something when you have a new second wife.... she can look after the brats, she does not have her own life in any way, she lost that the day she hooked up with you

Blended family life turned me into a pirate....
All I want to do is drink Rum and stab people

ej'scrazy's picture

Funny you should say that.

Funny you should say that. BM's schedule has constantly changed. Every time, she expected to change the timeshare agreement. Of course, she wanted it out of court. After two years, it was changed through court to what she demanded, and she couldn't follow it because her schedule changed again. Every time, we were expected to put everyone else's schedule in upheaval because bm had another change.

Here we are, 7 years later, and we're still dealing with the same issue. We have had the kids way more than the 50% by court order, but she is still making demands due to her schedule change.

momjeans's picture

Your SO (sorry, I've been

Your SO (sorry, I've been referring to him as your DH) and BM *both* sound extremely manipulative and emotionally stunted.

Yes, document EVERYTHING - this includes texts and emails.

I would lose my freaking mind, between these two people. Jesus.

If you don't want to be part of the show, don't heckle the comedian.

still learning's picture

"No I will not do your job."

"No I will not do your job."

To be more diplomatic you can say, "I have prior commitments on those days," or "That won't work for me."

SM's seem to get bombarded with ridiculous requests that no one in their right mind would expect of anyone else. In their mind you're there to serve SO, BM and any kid related requests they have. Too bad she wants to drag something so minor to court. Just remember that this is your SO's fight not yours.

And now I'll do what's best for me.

Stepped in what momma's picture

Is the change in DH's work

Is the change in DH's work schedule permanent or is it for a shorter period of a month, two weeks, three months?

Ain't going to lie- skids make me want to poke myself in the eye

sueu2's picture

She has no business

She has no business volunteering you, but he is right that you would be doing it for him. He's asking you to help him out on HIS time, not HER time. Just because the work schedule changed doesn't mean he gets to automatically change the parenting schedule. His work schedule changing should not be a burden on BM. So he has to figure it out, not her. His effort to figure it out was to ask you, but you don't want to do it. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, but you seem to think it would be doing HER a favor, and that's not the case. His parenting schedule is STILL Monday to Monday despite his work schedule changing, so you would be doing HIM the favor.

That's the way it is, so maybe you can look at it that way. Do what you want so long as you know it's for him and not for her. They are both handling this like bratty children, but your boyfriend has no business making this BM's problem. He has no business inconveniencing her. She has her own schedule or whatever she does. So he need to figure this out. Maybe he can go to court to get the parenting schedule changed every time his work schedule changes. Sounds awfully expensive to me.

Llilac's picture

I agree with this. Even

I agree with this. Even though BM is involved because these are her kids as well, this is still your SO's parenting time.

Frankly if my DH needed me and I was available I would watch my SD. But not everyone is at that place in their relationship. If I needed help I'd expect my DH to help me.